Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

Fine. then don't do it. But you don't get to tell others how to parent.

That's true! And your child doesn't have to come over, I guess, if you can't stand the phone being 25 feet away. But our house is popular for hanging out and I am sad for your kid and her stunted development.

NP I can't control who my kid decides to be friends with, but I really really hope it isn't yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

This thread is full of people complaining about helicopter parenting but the real issue that no one can see helicopter parenting when it smacks them in the face. Your child was out in the world at a much younger age WITHOUT a cell phone but now as a tween/teen you need it as a security blanket?

I get this...but I wonder why you are letting him to go to the house in the first place? When I was a kid, I didn't go visit many people in person at their homes for this very reason. You can put the same rules in place now. Only let your kid visit the homes of people you trust.

You can trust people and still not realize what goes on behind the closed doors in their house. And as your kids get older, the odds that you know and trust every friend’s family well is unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the reasoning behind taking kid’s phones?

1. They stop texting others to come
2. They stop texting to get more alcohol
3. When they come to get it back from you, you can see if they are drunk or high and then no leaving til their parents pick them up. woo hoo.

Honestly, this is not hard.

We always did this and keys and backpacks for homecoming and prom. Didn't stop all the alcohol or drugs but did help keep the amounts down and not one kid left driving drunk.

One mom did not allow kids to come with cars on homecoming. I thought that was a good idea as well.

Interesting…I never considered any of this. I have a freshman so haven’t encountered any of this yet.

So do many parents of high schoolers do this? Or is this considered unusual? Or is just for rowdy crowd who like to experiment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

Fine. then don't do it. But you don't get to tell others how to parent.

That's true! And your child doesn't have to come over, I guess, if you can't stand the phone being 25 feet away. But our house is popular for hanging out and I am sad for your kid and her stunted development.

Stunted development? That’s quite a leap, don’t you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

Fine. then don't do it. But you don't get to tell others how to parent.

That's true! And your child doesn't have to come over, I guess, if you can't stand the phone being 25 feet away. But our house is popular for hanging out and I am sad for your kid and her stunted development.

That is literally what I said. My child would not be coming over. Somehow I doubt your kid is well-parented since you can't go 5 seconds without throwing insults. My guess is that your child is not older than 11 if you think 16 or 17 years olds would still be hanging out at your house with this ridiculous rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Ok troll

Says the troll with no kids inventing wild stories.

Ask op to give you your phone. You forgot your meds at home again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

If your kid needs an epi-pen to come to my house then I sincerely hope you are letting me know what their deadly allergy is so I can help with food and contamination. And if your husband needs to pick up a half hour early you can text or call me and say "John is going to pick Theo up at 5:30 instead of 6," and I'll just tell your kid.

It’s complicated, but we haven’t identified an allergen for my kid, and he self administers. As for the early pickup, of course I can call you, but frankly I’d prefer to just contact my kid.

Do you prefer to use the app when ordering food or making reservations? Do you dislike talking to people in person or on the phone? Are you a Millennial?

Np. Why do you think that you need to be between the person you’re responding to and their child? That’s not normal and concerning

[Anonymous]

What a relief this thread is! So many like-minded parents! Some who would never ever consider something like this and would defriend anyone who tried it and others who would be very happy to have a rule like this in place and would be happy for their kids to have friends like that. Such a neat division of phones and no-phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the reasoning behind taking kid’s phones?

1. They stop texting others to come
2. They stop texting to get more alcohol
3. When they come to get it back from you, you can see if they are drunk or high and then no leaving til their parents pick them up. woo hoo.

Honestly, this is not hard.

We always did this and keys and backpacks for homecoming and prom. Didn't stop all the alcohol or drugs but did help keep the amounts down and not one kid left driving drunk.

One mom did not allow kids to come with cars on homecoming. I thought that was a good idea as well.

Interesting…I never considered any of this. I have a freshman so haven’t encountered any of this yet.

So do many parents of high schoolers do this? Or is this considered unusual? Or is just for rowdy crowd who like to experiment?

For us, it was high school.

No, not many parents do this. A few more take keys than phones.

Personally, I think the key thing is easy. Kids never complain about that one. And kudos to the mom of the girl one of mine, for prom night she did no cars and no phones. Best prom night not worrying as much. However, kids are smart they still found ways to do stupid things. If there is a will there is a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

If your kid needs their phone that bad then yes they need to explain.

I see no reason if it is a health issue of course they can keep it. You are absurd no one taking a phone off a kid if it is a health reason.

But no kid needs their phone prom night or homecoming with 25 of their closest peeps they are already in the same room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

If your kid needs their phone that bad then yes they need to explain.

I see no reason if it is a health issue of course they can keep it. You are absurd no one taking a phone off a kid if it is a health reason.

But no kid needs their phone prom night or homecoming with 25 of their closest peeps they are already in the same room.

This is your opinion. It’s just one. If this parent feels differently it’s not for you to decide or create an inaccurate backstory as to why they are wrong or making this choice. Parent your own kid. Not anyone else’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

If your kid needs their phone that bad then yes they need to explain.

I see no reason if it is a health issue of course they can keep it. You are absurd no one taking a phone off a kid if it is a health reason.

But no kid needs their phone prom night or homecoming with 25 of their closest peeps they are already in the same room.

This is your opinion. It’s just one. If this parent feels differently it’s not for you to decide or create an inaccurate backstory as to why they are wrong or making this choice. Parent your own kid. Not anyone else’s.

So tell us - why would your kid need a phone on prom night when she is already with all of her closest friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

If your kid needs their phone that bad then yes they need to explain.

I see no reason if it is a health issue of course they can keep it. You are absurd no one taking a phone off a kid if it is a health reason.

But no kid needs their phone prom night or homecoming with 25 of their closest peeps they are already in the same room.

This is your opinion. It’s just one. If this parent feels differently it’s not for you to decide or create an inaccurate backstory as to why they are wrong or making this choice. Parent your own kid. Not anyone else’s.

So tell us - why would your kid need a phone on prom night when she is already with all of her closest friends?

Because shit happens. Especially on prom night. Don’t you remember being a teenager?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Ok troll

Says the troll with no kids inventing wild stories.

Ask op to give you your phone. You forgot your meds at home again.

This is your idea of an insult? Weak and sad. It's obvious you don't have kids and aren't an actual adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Ok troll

Says the troll with no kids inventing wild stories.

Ask op to give you your phone. You forgot your meds at home again.

This is your idea of an insult? Weak and sad. It's obvious you don't have kids and aren't an actual adult.

You keep saying things like that. But it’s not true. Nice gaslighting though!