Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

What "safety issues"? What did you do before your child was a teen old enough for a cell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

Fine. then don't do it. But you don't get to tell others how to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

IKR? Every kid has a unique reason why they need a phone at all moments, everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting on having my child tethered to a phone at all times. That is not developmentally appropriate at all.

Fine. then don't do it. But you don't get to tell others how to parent.

That's true! And your child doesn't have to come over, I guess, if you can't stand the phone being 25 feet away. But our house is popular for hanging out and I am sad for your kid and her stunted development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

Agree. Firmly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Re-read the initial post? See why op pondered this idea. It was because their child felt left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Ok troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

Most of these situations aren't even time-sensitive issues. You think you are showing your daughter that are there for, but you are really teaching her that she cannot handle very basic stuff without you. Someone might be mean to her in MS? She might get her period? I fear that you might actually be serious too.

NP It's called being a parent and taking care of your minor child. Not doing so only teaches your child that they can't rely on you for help when they need it. You sound like a pretty crappy parent.

DP. Yeah, but you sound like a terrible parent - a snowplow and helicopter parent combined.

You clearly don't even know what a helicopter parent is. It's an over-controlling authoritarian parent who punishes their child for mistakes. It's not a caring parent who takes care of their child. Worst kind of parent in the old helicopter study was the one who left the kid alone and ignored. Common misunderstanding among those who get their parenting advice from internet message boards and facebook posts.

Where are you getting this definition from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

Yes. Of the host.

There's no way someone as uptight and anxiety ridden as you even allows a kid (if you have one) out of your sight to go to a friend's house. This is a non issue for you, admit it, your kid isn't allowed a social life out of your view.

Ok troll

Says the troll with no kids inventing wild stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

If your kid needs an epi-pen to come to my house then I sincerely hope you are letting me know what their deadly allergy is so I can help with food and contamination. And if your husband needs to pick up a half hour early you can text or call me and say "John is going to pick Theo up at 5:30 instead of 6," and I'll just tell your kid.

It’s complicated, but we haven’t identified an allergen for my kid, and he self administers. As for the early pickup, of course I can call you, but frankly I’d prefer to just contact my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

It sounds like you cannot have your DC out of your control. Best to keep him home and only have kids over to your house, where you can be in charge.

Your post doesn’t make sense, since I specifically said I was fine with the basket plan, just would prefer to know in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

If your kid needs an epi-pen to come to my house then I sincerely hope you are letting me know what their deadly allergy is so I can help with food and contamination. And if your husband needs to pick up a half hour early you can text or call me and say "John is going to pick Theo up at 5:30 instead of 6," and I'll just tell your kid.

It’s complicated, but we haven’t identified an allergen for my kid, and he self administers. As for the early pickup, of course I can call you, but frankly I’d prefer to just contact my kid.

Do you prefer to use the app when ordering food or making reservations? Do you dislike talking to people in person or on the phone? Are you a Millennial?