Young AC tells friends that dad is a recovering alcoholic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 going over your childhood and being angry with your parents is a very normal part of the therapy process

#2 she feels unsupported in some way… were you or your husband emotionally distant? I’m guessing maybe your husband was? Consistent, connected, respectful parenting was not modeled by the alcoholic grandmother. Perhaps it’s easier to say dad was an alcoholic than he was present but detached?

#3 it’s hard growing up around UMC private school families who are just absolutely showered with love and attention from local aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents… I’m an only child who grew up without any extended family and I was always incredibly jealous of the support network other girls had… I’d say this became even more difficult as an adult. I didn’t have a big family to host wedding and baby showers. There was no built-in BFF sister to be my maid of honor & bachelorette planner. I have always had dear friends but they all have big supportive families in addition to friends. My lack of family support is something that I talk about openly with them bc it feels necessary. They often take those supports for granted.

All of this is spot on.

I’ll also say that reading through the thread (I have not read every single post) there is a lot of focus on how OP and her DH supported the AC financially but not a lot of discussion if emotional support or their emotional relationship.

I grew up in an emotionally neglectful home and both my parents were the children of alcoholics and childhood abuse survivors. My parents are/were very emotionally immature. They didn’t know how to talk to us about feelings or how to process their own. They would fly into rages (not alcohol induced, just the result of their own emotional volatility and immaturity) that were scary and often violent. Because they’d had such terrible parenting models, they “parentified” us, expecting us to fulfill them emotionally in the way their parents never had. They were also often openly jealous of opportunities we had or aspects of our life that weren’t present in their childhoods, and would sometimes sabotage us out of jealousy (for instance my mom once came to a practice for an after school activity and berated me in front of everyone there for prioritizing the activity over my chores at home).

BUT they fed me and clothed me and paid for college. It was emotional neglect only. And I’ve spent 20 years in and out of therapy working on how it has impacted me. As have my siblings, two of whom have substance abuse issues and serious mental health issues including suicide attempts.

Parenting is not what you buy your kid, it’s not the socioeconomic class you raise them in.