I’ve been honest with my daughter about what we can afford but….

[Anonymous]

Give a firm amount of what you can afford to pay. Decide together what size loan burden--if any-- you will let her take on. Write these both in a big sharpie or in 36 point font on her college search materials. I would use the net price calculator with her and show her that the schools are out of your budget. Note a list of schools she is interested in that are "Out of Budget" with a nice big title. Keep these numbers/list in the forefront of her vision whenever you talk about schools. Kids just don't remember what you tell them.

If she wants to apply to schools that the NPC shows are outside the budget, she can pay the application fee and you can tell her that unless the school miraculously comes up with the money to make them in the budget, she can't go. I think if she has to come up with the application fees (or 50% of it or whatever) she might limit the number of schools she wants to try 'just to see.'

We went through this with our kid. It took a lot of reminders. We told him that he would pay the application fees and he narrowed it down to one dream out of budget school. He got into his dream school and- no surprise-- we couldn't afford it. He decided it wasn't his dream after all and had no regrets. Loves his school now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get need based aid at $250k?

Yes. Our DC got need based aid.

Where was this? That's almost unheard of at that HHI level, particularly anything over a nominal amount. No one should think they might get need based aid with that income unless there are unusual circumstances at play (e.g. 3 kids in college at the same time). We don't even make $200K and we still get an EFC of more than $60K.

Yes, 3 tuitions. We aren’t expecting this in two or three years.

Sorry but this bothers me. Why should you get a break because you had multiple kids? But we don't get a break for living in a high COLA area and made the decision to forego more kids, more expensive purchases in life to save for the kids we have?
This is the BS unfairness of this process.

Having more kids and raising them successfully is a great benefit to society.

You living in a high COLA area and refusing to have more kids is a detriment to society.

It is not at all unfair that the former should be rewarded and the latter punished.

Certainly one opinion. Another opinion is that for sustainability purposes, it is certainly not. More kids = greater use of depleting resources of the earth, eating food, buying so many things, large vehicles that run on energy--even EVs are not magical.

+1

I believe that some kids adopted domestically from the foster care system may be eligible for some tuition assistance but the same should go for parents who adopted internationally or domestically at a younger age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Additionally, for every family reading this, the Common Application requires your DC to list where his/her/their parent(s) attended college and whether or not they graduated and whether or not they continued with their studies beyond college.

I suspect legacy can cut both ways. My kid got into my alma mater, but not its competitor (despite being qualified). I wondered whether that listing of our information was helpful in the case of my alma mater but unhelpful in the case of the other school!

You can't be serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get need based aid at $250k?

Yes. Our DC got need based aid.

Where was this? That's almost unheard of at that HHI level, particularly anything over a nominal amount. No one should think they might get need based aid with that income unless there are unusual circumstances at play (e.g. 3 kids in college at the same time). We don't even make $200K and we still get an EFC of more than $60K.

Yes, 3 tuitions. We aren’t expecting this in two or three years.

Sorry but this bothers me. Why should you get a break because you had multiple kids? But we don't get a break for living in a high COLA area and made the decision to forego more kids, more expensive purchases in life to save for the kids we have?
This is the BS unfairness of this process.

Having more kids and raising them successfully is a great benefit to society.

You living in a high COLA area and refusing to have more kids is a detriment to society.

It is not at all unfair that the former should be rewarded and the latter punished.

Certainly one opinion. Another opinion is that for sustainability purposes, it is certainly not. More kids = greater use of depleting resources of the earth, eating food, buying so many things, large vehicles that run on energy--even EVs are not magical.

The correct opinion is that more people are necessary because they will provide the genius necessary to solve those problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get need based aid at $250k?

Yes. Our DC got need based aid.

Where was this? That's almost unheard of at that HHI level, particularly anything over a nominal amount. No one should think they might get need based aid with that income unless there are unusual circumstances at play (e.g. 3 kids in college at the same time). We don't even make $200K and we still get an EFC of more than $60K.

Yes, 3 tuitions. We aren’t expecting this in two or three years.

Sorry but this bothers me. Why should you get a break because you had multiple kids? But we don't get a break for living in a high COLA area and made the decision to forego more kids, more expensive purchases in life to save for the kids we have?
This is the BS unfairness of this process.

But one could argue that you chose to live in a high COLA area-- that's a choice too.

But the PP's choices influence aid, mine doesn't. Both choices but only one is rewarded with aid. Why shouldn't mine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get need based aid at $250k?

Yes. Our DC got need based aid.

Where was this? That's almost unheard of at that HHI level, particularly anything over a nominal amount. No one should think they might get need based aid with that income unless there are unusual circumstances at play (e.g. 3 kids in college at the same time). We don't even make $200K and we still get an EFC of more than $60K.

Yes, 3 tuitions. We aren’t expecting this in two or three years.

Sorry but this bothers me. Why should you get a break because you had multiple kids? But we don't get a break for living in a high COLA area and made the decision to forego more kids, more expensive purchases in life to save for the kids we have?
This is the BS unfairness of this process.

Having more kids and raising them successfully is a great benefit to society.

You living in a high COLA area and refusing to have more kids is a detriment to society.

It is not at all unfair that the former should be rewarded and the latter punished.

a) You assume mine was a choice.
b) My COLA living has a link to my and DH's job, both of which contribute to society (defense, and innovation). Our jobs do not exist except in other even higher COLA areas.
c) Having more kids is not necessarily a benefit from a land and water use, sustainability perspective.

[Anonymous]

Simmer down. A while ago, someone posted on here that financial aid will no longer take the number of kids into consideration at some point. Probably right before my 3 will be in college at the same time. PP, you can rejoice then.

[Anonymous]

In state tuition or colleges that will match and significantly reduce OOS tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

I'm sure she'll take great comfort in that when you tell her "sorry" as she clutches her acceptance letter. "You set me up - why did you give me false hope?"

DP. OP’s child is not an imbecile, so she would not act in such a dramatic and ridiculous fashion if admitted to her dream school given that her parents told her up front what they could afford to pay. In the scenario where she is admitted, she will have either found outside scholarships that will allow her to attend, or she will recognize that she can’t pull it off but will have a huge boost of confidence wherever she starts school knowing the dream school found her worthy. She will likely tell herself she’ll attend grad school there instead, and then, four years later, realize the obsession with dream schools are silly and pick her next steps based on fit. But she’ll always take pleasure in knowing that she was once admitted to a top school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simmer down. A while ago, someone posted on here that financial aid will no longer take the number of kids into consideration at some point. Probably right before my 3 will be in college at the same time. PP, you can rejoice then.

They will take the number of kids into consideration, but the change is that they won't give a more of a benefit just because they are in college at the same time. They figure you financially plan for college over a lifetime and it should cost the same whether your kids are 2 years apart or 5 years apart. Current formulation highly privileges having multiple children close in age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

I'm sure she'll take great comfort in that when you tell her "sorry" as she clutches her acceptance letter. "You set me up - why did you give me false hope?"

DP. OP’s child is not an imbecile, so she would not act in such a dramatic and ridiculous fashion if admitted to her dream school given that her parents told her up front what they could afford to pay. In the scenario where she is admitted, she will have either found outside scholarships that will allow her to attend, or she will recognize that she can’t pull it off but will have a huge boost of confidence wherever she starts school knowing the dream school found her worthy. She will likely tell herself she’ll attend grad school there instead, and then, four years later, realize the obsession with dream schools are silly and pick her next steps based on fit. But she’ll always take pleasure in knowing that she was once admitted to a top school.

You are hopelessly naive. Top schools don't give merit. OP's kid isn't going to get any. FAFSA financial aid sounds unlikely. So WHY is she applying to schools over $80K a year? That is cruel and a hard fact about today's college admissions. NOw if OP's kid has something to sell (URM, Band instrument; first generation; legacy; etc.) it might be a different story. This (what can you reasonably afford) is the first question any public or private college counselor will ask. Because there are options separate from the 80K+ private but you have to reorient your kid THEN to apply only to what the parents can afford. To dangle something the parents cannot afford in front of DD is parentally irresponsible
+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

I'm sure she'll take great comfort in that when you tell her "sorry" as she clutches her acceptance letter. "You set me up - why did you give me false hope?"

DP. OP’s child is not an imbecile, so she would not act in such a dramatic and ridiculous fashion if admitted to her dream school given that her parents told her up front what they could afford to pay. In the scenario where she is admitted, she will have either found outside scholarships that will allow her to attend, or she will recognize that she can’t pull it off but will have a huge boost of confidence wherever she starts school knowing the dream school found her worthy. She will likely tell herself she’ll attend grad school there instead, and then, four years later, realize the obsession with dream schools are silly and pick her next steps based on fit. But she’ll always take pleasure in knowing that she was once admitted to a top school.

FWIW, my DS applied to at least 20 outside scholarships and didn't nail one of them. It was a complete waste of time in his critical senior year. Unless your child's profile is EXACTLY what the scholarship is looking for (Boys' Nation; SAR, DAR, the Pepsi scholarship; Eagle Scout scholarships, Jefferson Scholarship) you won't get one. It's highly stressful the senior year and looking back now I wish we had never even tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

If finances are a concern, your kid needs a great list of true safeties and all those safeties should be Affordable without any aid and/or schools that give a ton of merit typically. And most importantly these affordable school need to be somewhere your kid would be thrilled to attend. I'd recommend that at least 2 of your 3-4 target schools also includes Affordable to you schools.
It's fine to let your kid apply to reach schools and those you might not be able to afford, but be 100% certain they understand that you cannot afford those schools unless you get a great merit package. Then your kid can decide if all the work to apply to an elite school is worth it if there's only a 7-8% chance of admission and then a 4-5% chance of it being affordable. My kid would do the math on that and pick schools where they could get the merit we needed (in that situation).
What you want to avoid is having your kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

I'm sure she'll take great comfort in that when you tell her "sorry" as she clutches her acceptance letter. "You set me up - why did you give me false hope?"

DP. OP’s child is not an imbecile, so she would not act in such a dramatic and ridiculous fashion if admitted to her dream school given that her parents told her up front what they could afford to pay. In the scenario where she is admitted, she will have either found outside scholarships that will allow her to attend, or she will recognize that she can’t pull it off but will have a huge boost of confidence wherever she starts school knowing the dream school found her worthy. She will likely tell herself she’ll attend grad school there instead, and then, four years later, realize the obsession with dream schools are silly and pick her next steps based on fit. But she’ll always take pleasure in knowing that she was once admitted to a top school.

You are hopelessly naive. Top schools don't give merit. OP's kid isn't going to get any. FAFSA financial aid sounds unlikely. So WHY is she applying to schools over $80K a year? That is cruel and a hard fact about today's college admissions. NOw if OP's kid has something to sell (URM, Band instrument; first generation; legacy; etc.) it might be a different story. This (what can you reasonably afford) is the first question any public or private college counselor will ask. Because there are options separate from the 80K+ private but you have to reorient your kid THEN to apply only to what the parents can afford. To dangle something the parents cannot afford in front of DD is parentally irresponsible
+

The kid isn't applying blindly. Shes running the estimated finanacial aid calculator for each school, and she's getting a response that puts the school within the range. The kid is being more level headed and reasonable than the mom. If the EFC is within range, it's worth it to apply regular decision and see what the financial aid package comes out as. Plenty of schools, including "top schools" have a net price that is substantlally below the sticker price, even for families who are UMC/UC. It's worth it to apply and see what happens.

I would just tell the kid a bottom line and tell her that if the school doesn't come in under the bottom line, then it's a no=go. My friend told his daughter that she could not go to Northwestern because Northwestern could not bring their financial aid package/net price into range for their family. The kid lived. She went to another school and then Wall Street. It was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point?

Let he know what you can pay, run the NPC to see the estimate, then let her take her shot. This is her one chance to apply to college, and there's no good reason to keep her from seeing what happens. There's a good chance she won't get in, but then the school has squelched her dreams, not you. If she gets in, there's a small chance that the financial package is better than you feared. But even if she gets in and you can't afford it, she can take pride in being "good enough" for the school, even if it's too expensive to attend.

That said, I'd also make sure she has a robust list of schools of varying costs and selectivity, and including some strong schools known for merit aid. Bonus: some of those have early action, so she can get a response before the rest of her applications are due. It's great to know that college is a sure bet, especially one that is affordable, well before the rest of the schools release their decisions.

I'm sure she'll take great comfort in that when you tell her "sorry" as she clutches her acceptance letter. "You set me up - why did you give me false hope?"

DP. OP’s child is not an imbecile, so she would not act in such a dramatic and ridiculous fashion if admitted to her dream school given that her parents told her up front what they could afford to pay. In the scenario where she is admitted, she will have either found outside scholarships that will allow her to attend, or she will recognize that she can’t pull it off but will have a huge boost of confidence wherever she starts school knowing the dream school found her worthy. She will likely tell herself she’ll attend grad school there instead, and then, four years later, realize the obsession with dream schools are silly and pick her next steps based on fit. But she’ll always take pleasure in knowing that she was once admitted to a top school.

You are hopelessly naive. Top schools don't give merit. OP's kid isn't going to get any. FAFSA financial aid sounds unlikely. So WHY is she applying to schools over $80K a year? That is cruel and a hard fact about today's college admissions. NOw if OP's kid has something to sell (URM, Band instrument; first generation; legacy; etc.) it might be a different story. This (what can you reasonably afford) is the first question any public or private college counselor will ask. Because there are options separate from the 80K+ private but you have to reorient your kid THEN to apply only to what the parents can afford. To dangle something the parents cannot afford in front of DD is parentally irresponsible
+

I’m not naive in the slightest, and I never mentioned merit scholarships. I understand that outside scholarships are hard to get if you are not willing to go the ROTC route a PP mentioned (many of my family members have gone that route FWIW). And no one is dangling anything in front of this kid. She knows what the dollar limits are, and she wants to apply anyway, presumably to see if she can get in. She will not get in, and then she will not be left wondering if she could have. On the minuscule chance she gets in, she’ll face the reality she was told by all to expect. She’ll live and move on with her life. This is not some high stakes game, just an ambitious kid wondering what her level is.