I’ve been honest with my daughter about what we can afford but….

[Anonymous]

I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

[Anonymous]

For every school that she puts on her list that you don't think is affordable, ask her to put an affordable school on her list too. That way at least she'll have those options.

[Anonymous]

Let her apply, however, keep reiterating the colleges that y’all can afford.

We’ve always told our kids that we will pay everything for undergrad for an in-state school. However, they can go to an out of state school if they got a full scholarship.

Our oldest applied to an out of state college with his friends. Of course he got in, but did not get a full scholarship, nor enough money to our satisfaction. Of course, he wanted to go there. Our answer was a simple NO; remember what our stipulation was. He went in-state. Our two youngest only applied in-state.

Try not to get caught up in what will be her disappointment. Do not over extend yourself for this. She can get a great education in-state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

Have you looked into it for your particular situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

I disagree. Chances are she won’t get in to Princeton. Or Pomona. But if you don’t let her apply, she will resent that forever. Just tell her you are sorry but you are not sure you can afford it, but she can apply and see what hapoens

This seems like terrible advice. Sure, odds are against her, but she might get in. And then, when she’s over the moon, you either have to mortgage your retirement or break her heart.

If what she’s seeking is prestige and affirmation, I would try to steer her toward the prestige schools that have a handful of full-ride merit scholarships. Schools like JHU and Swarthmore. She probably won’t get the scholarship, but if she does she can go. And if she gets in without the scholarship, she gets the affirmation of a competitive acceptance, but knows you can’t afford it — just as you’ve said all along.

NP. Agree with your advice about what schools to look at, but don’t think it’s necessary to completely discourage her from thinking about a super high reach or two. OP has identified that her daughter thinks she might have a chance at Pomona and Princeton based on perfect grades and 4s and 5s on APs. OP’s daughter is clearly very bright and will do well wherever she goes, but there is virtually no chance she is getting into these schools unless she has some standout attributes besides high stats. I told my own high stats kid with a perfect GPA, perfect SAT, all 5s on APs that applying to Stanford, Pomona, and ivies was a waste of her time, but she did it anyway and I think is happy she wasn’t left wondering. If OP is very clear that they cannot afford any school that costs more than X$ and the kid still wants to apply to some super reaches, then she should start looking at outside scholarships. But odds are that this is a theoretical problem only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

OP here. This is us. We are just at the edge salary wise and do NOT qualify for free money with FAFSA. But we live in the District and barely make our mortgage while trying desperately to save into our kids 529s. Our kids attend public high school. We have no public university option and rely on DC TAG which at 10K per year def helps but is no where near in state tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

OP here. This is us. We are just at the edge salary wise and do NOT qualify for free money with FAFSA. But we live in the District and barely make our mortgage while trying desperately to save into our kids 529s. Our kids attend public high school. We have no public university option and rely on DC TAG which at 10K per year def helps but is no where near in state tuition.

Reiterate your max and let her apply. We were shocked by the amount of merit aid some schools offered and surprised at some that offered none. Worth a shot. Then let her chart what her contribution would be and how long it would take for her to pay it off. Her choice, it’s her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to be applying for scholarships then. My kid went to the school we could afford, point blank.

+1. We said there had to be 2 likely admits that were also financially within budget and another 2-3 schools that offered merit with varying likelihood of getting in and being offered merit. After that was solidified, we said okay to apply to a few schools on the list that didn’t offer merit and low acceptance rate but those applications had to come after the other ones were done. For those schools I also said they needed to apply for outside scholarships and consider ROTC if they were that committed to attending the school if they got in because the likelihood of enough financial aid was low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

OP here. This is us. We are just at the edge salary wise and do NOT qualify for free money with FAFSA. But we live in the District and barely make our mortgage while trying desperately to save into our kids 529s. Our kids attend public high school. We have no public university option and rely on DC TAG which at 10K per year def helps but is no where near in state tuition.

There’s a ton of kids in DC in this exact position. Just scroll through the Instagram accounts for Walls and Wilson class of 22. So many state schools and merit-granting privates. Your kid won’t be the only one coping with this kind of a financial limit.

[Anonymous]

OP,, it will take months and months for your message to sink in.

We had a list on the frig. Fifty school in decending order of cost. With a line drawn across. "Only schools below this line.".

Only a few were above the line so there were lots of choices. And she could have added others. But the point was the numbers meant nothing to her for a long, long time. Eventually she'd something like, "did you see how x is twice the cost of y? Why is that?" Only then could we talk about it and she would listen.

[Anonymous]

Op, you really need to respond to the questions about your household income. You referred to FAFSA, but Princeton and Pomona aren’t even FAFSA schools. They are CSS schools.

[Anonymous]

Columbia is tuition free for families with annual incomes less than $150,000. Families with >$150,000 are on a sliding scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you gave already, but to others who may be interested, Harvard has very robust financial aid.

Yes, but not for many DMV upper middle class families who can't afford full pay.

OP here. This is us. We are just at the edge salary wise and do NOT qualify for free money with FAFSA. But we live in the District and barely make our mortgage while trying desperately to save into our kids 529s. Our kids attend public high school. We have no public university option and rely on DC TAG which at 10K per year def helps but is no where near in state tuition.

Yeah well that’s what happens when you live in DC. No in state tuition is one of the reasons DC west of the park is incredibly white and wealthy. You should move to Maryland or VA so you have in state options. I’d move to VA since those in state options are more prestigious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Yes, admit rates at Pomona and Princeton are so low it is extremely unlikely she gets into either.