I’ve been honest with my daughter about what we can afford but….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…she’s still looking at privates that from what I can see on their website will offer her no merit aid, even with a perfect GPA and plenty of 4s and 5s on her APs. She keeps using their ‘calculators’ that indicate they will offer her some financial aid, but I think when it comes down to it my husband and I are going to be right over the cutoff with our salaries and won’t qualify for free money. If those no-merit schools give her anything it will be loans or work study. Which I’m fine with. We really want her to pick a public school so she can take advantage of DC TAG, but she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point? How does one reason with a senior who has all this self-imposed pressure to not only get into college but also have choices? We have been honest with her from the beginning about how much we can give her and her sibling per year. Why apply to a school that won’t offer merit when you’ve worked so hard to achieve in HS? All I want for her is college with no debt. Anyone else been in this situation?

If you forbid her to apply to Princeton and Pomona College, she will resent you for the next few decades.

Tell her your financial situation and that the only loan money that she can get will be about $6,000 per year. Have her sign a one sided piece of paper acknowledging the situation.

Agree that she can apply to Princeton & Pomona only if she also applies to schools which are affordable.

Princeton & Pomona are unlikely to admit her. However, if either or both does, then you have a signed agreement about the financial situation.

No easy answer. But she did do her part regarding grades and standardized tests. So, if she wants to become an adult, then let her experience an adult financial reality that might motivate her to work hard to earn a lucrative career.

But, you should allow her to apply or you will deal with resentment for many decades to come. Plus, the odds are on your side.

[Anonymous]

Which subject area does your daughter want to study ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bragging rights? Ego feeder? Who can tell what goes on in the mind of an 18 year old these days. I’d be consistently adamant about what you and your husband can afford and simultaneously take a step back…..let her apply, because you never know, so why not. When the decisions come in and the financial aid comes in then you have the next big conversation about what is actually feasible.

Because the mom has said they cannot afford $83K a year and that doesn't include flights. That's why. It's unfair to the applicant child. This is the FIRST conversation any college counselor has wiht the parents and child: what have you saved; what can you afford? Realize that you will get no merit at all at top schools and will have to drop to second and third tier schools to get merit IF the child has something spectacular to sell to the school. Run theNPC but take a screenshot and don't count on it. If you live in the DC area you will, like us, probably get an EFC of 100% meaning you get only the $5500 unsubsidized loan. That's it. And yes Kids did apply to independent scholarships but didn't snag a single one. In retrospect, it was a waste of a senior's year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

A friend of mine, sadly a widow, took her son to sit down with their family financial advisor who showed the son that school X was impossible with what was left but school Y was feasible. Heartbreaking but the kid has done amazingly well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Major in CS or equivalent STEM or finance.
Get loans.

The daughter can't. no collateral. Parents are limited by FAFSA as to what they can get. In this area that means probably zero which means only the $5500 unsubsidized federal loan. Parents have to come up with the difference out of savings, a one time withdrawl from IRAs, refinancing, etc. Or the parents get high interest bank loans themselves but they have to put up collateral

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Major in CS or equivalent STEM or finance.
Get loans.

The daughter can't. no collateral. Parents are limited by FAFSA as to what they can get. In this area that means probably zero which means only the $5500 unsubsidized federal loan. Parents have to come up with the difference out of savings, a one time withdrawl from IRAs, refinancing, etc. Or the parents get high interest bank loans themselves but they have to put up collateral

There's a thing called Parent Plus loan.
No collateral needed. Apply at the FAFSA site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

I disagree. Chances are she won’t get in to Princeton. Or Pomona. But if you don’t let her apply, she will resent that forever. Just tell her you are sorry but you are not sure you can afford it, but she can apply and see what hapoens

She will hate you more if she gets into Princeton and you say “sorry can’t afford it”.

[Anonymous]

For lucrative majors, it could be worth getting a loan.

Real problem is full paying middle class taking out big loan, and majoring in useless stuff.

That's the real trap for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Major in CS or equivalent STEM or finance.
Get loans.

The daughter can't. no collateral. Parents are limited by FAFSA as to what they can get. In this area that means probably zero which means only the $5500 unsubsidized federal loan. Parents have to come up with the difference out of savings, a one time withdrawl from IRAs, refinancing, etc. Or the parents get high interest bank loans themselves but they have to put up collateral

There's a thing called Parent Plus loan.
No collateral needed. Apply at the FAFSA site.

If parents don’t want to borrow hundreds of thousands to send her to Princeton, best to tell her that now. You are the borrower, you have absolute veto power over her choice.

[Anonymous]

It's hard because they see their friends going out of state or to private colleges and they want the same choices because they've worked just as hard or harder...but that's not how it's structured. College costs money and strong students from wealthy families have more choice because they have more resources.
I would continue to be honest but show compassion.

[Anonymous]

Is there any indication that your daughter will be accepted to Princeton ? Does she have a hook ?

Excellent grades and excellent standardized test scores are not enough for elite school admission.

Let her apply.

[Anonymous]

How much money do you make or have?

Typically the top ivies give generous grant money to people at HHI 165k or lower.

The cut off for state schools is much lower.

[Anonymous]

You told your daughter what you can pay and she seems smart enough for basic math. That is what you can pay. If she wants to apply to "elite" colleges and hope that she gets some monster aid package, so be it. It is unlikely but at least she can always say "I got into...". Do not go into deep debt for college. I saved 300K for each of my kids and my first has chosen a school at thats 160K. I am so over the moon about this, I am wondering what I was thinking when I agreed to spend 300K on undergraduate. I think I was caught up in the hype. I am going to save the money and help with a mortgage or start up seed financing once he graduates but I'm SO GLAD I am not giving it to a university. With very few exceptions, these high dollar colleges are paid for with foolish if not well-intentioned people (I was almost one).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:…she’s still looking at privates that from what I can see on their website will offer her no merit aid, even with a perfect GPA and plenty of 4s and 5s on her APs. She keeps using their ‘calculators’ that indicate they will offer her some financial aid, but I think when it comes down to it my husband and I are going to be right over the cutoff with our salaries and won’t qualify for free money. If those no-merit schools give her anything it will be loans or work study. Which I’m fine with. We really want her to pick a public school so she can take advantage of DC TAG, but she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point? How does one reason with a senior who has all this self-imposed pressure to not only get into college but also have choices? We have been honest with her from the beginning about how much we can give her and her sibling per year. Why apply to a school that won’t offer merit when you’ve worked so hard to achieve in HS? All I want for her is college with no debt. Anyone else been in this situation?

If you forbid her to apply to Princeton and Pomona College, she will resent you for the next few decades.

Tell her your financial situation and that the only loan money that she can get will be about $6,000 per year. Have her sign a one sided piece of paper acknowledging the situation.

Agree that she can apply to Princeton & Pomona only if she also applies to schools which are affordable.

Princeton & Pomona are unlikely to admit her. However, if either or both does, then you have a signed agreement about the financial situation.

No easy answer. But she did do her part regarding grades and standardized tests. So, if she wants to become an adult, then let her experience an adult financial reality that might motivate her to work hard to earn a lucrative career.

But, you should allow her to apply or you will deal with resentment for many decades to come. Plus, the odds are on your side.

This is a very good response...I second it.

[Anonymous]

My kid got a ton of aid at Princeton, but if I were richer and got less aid then I could spend it on making up the difference. It’s worth it. Who cares if you have to tap into some home equity; it will all work out. Just cancel some vacations or club memberships. Drive a beater car. It’s called sacrificing for your kids. And odds are super high she won’t get in anyway.