I’ve been honest with my daughter about what we can afford but….

[Anonymous]

…she’s still looking at privates that from what I can see on their website will offer her no merit aid, even with a perfect GPA and plenty of 4s and 5s on her APs. She keeps using their ‘calculators’ that indicate they will offer her some financial aid, but I think when it comes down to it my husband and I are going to be right over the cutoff with our salaries and won’t qualify for free money. If those no-merit schools give her anything it will be loans or work study. Which I’m fine with. We really want her to pick a public school so she can take advantage of DC TAG, but she says she wants to at least SEE if she can get in to these places like Princeton and Pomona. I have no idea why. What is the point? How does one reason with a senior who has all this self-imposed pressure to not only get into college but also have choices? We have been honest with her from the beginning about how much we can give her and her sibling per year. Why apply to a school that won’t offer merit when you’ve worked so hard to achieve in HS? All I want for her is college with no debt. Anyone else been in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Continue to be absolutely clear. State your limit. Some colleges can be negotiated with. Make the burden of loans clear too. Something might work out, but be sure she has an excellent state back up.

[Anonymous]

If she applies to your preferred colleges, and she tacks on an extra supplemental essay for Princeton, surely you won't mind, right?

My son is continuing to push himself because he really wants a school that checks ALL AP scores, and ALL SAT scores, the summer of senior year. Just to check that you haven't goofed off. I applaud his drive, because it might also get him merit aid at a cheaper school.

[Anonymous]

Bragging rights? Ego feeder? Who can tell what goes on in the mind of an 18 year old these days. I’d be consistently adamant about what you and your husband can afford and simultaneously take a step back…..let her apply, because you never know, so why not. When the decisions come in and the financial aid comes in then you have the next big conversation about what is actually feasible.

[Anonymous]

She needs to be applying for scholarships then. My kid went to the school we could afford, point blank.

[Anonymous]

How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

[Anonymous]

College with no debt is different than college without crushing debt.

[Anonymous]

You need to sit down and put it in writing.
Give specific examples given what you are seeing from the Princeton website what it might look like for loans and what she would need to pay in loan payments post college.

I would recommend making a page for each college she is applying to so that she can understand and the message is reinforced.
A page for UC Berkley (with Tag)
A page for Princeton
A page for Pomona
A page for Michigan
A page for Williams

Before each application is sent, review the page so there are no surprises.

A question for you - if she gets into Princeton can you swing it? Or would you just prefer to to spend that much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

[Anonymous]

Major in CS or equivalent STEM or finance.
Get loans.

[Anonymous]

Hey, just let her apply and see what happens. But tell her not to get her heart set at any one place because it’s possible it won’t work out financially.

Make a deal. She applies to some state places and you support her applying to Princeton etc. But tell her you will have to see if it works out financially and there is a good chance it will not.

Princeton has a ton of money. It’s possible she will get aid. What is your household income? Also, some loans to go to Princeton might be worth it if she is willing to work in the corporate world after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, just let her apply and see what happens. But tell her not to get her heart set at any one place because it’s possible it won’t work out financially.

Make a deal. She applies to some state places and you support her applying to Princeton etc. But tell her you will have to see if it works out financially and there is a good chance it will not.

Princeton has a ton of money. It’s possible she will get aid. What is your household income? Also, some loans to go to Princeton might be worth it if she is willing to work in the corporate world after graduation.

Also, if she likes Princeton and Pomona, think of state schools that meet those vibes.

For example, maybe UVA, William and Mary, UCLA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

I disagree. Chances are she won’t get in to Princeton. Or Pomona. But if you don’t let her apply, she will resent that forever. Just tell her you are sorry but you are not sure you can afford it, but she can apply and see what hapoens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about crossing that bridge when you get there?

Because then it becomes that much harder to say NO and there will be more disappointment and tears. If there really is a halfway decent chance for enough aid, that's one thing. But if the NPC and/or other data shows it is not realistic, better to head it off at the pass.

I disagree. Chances are she won’t get in to Princeton. Or Pomona. But if you don’t let her apply, she will resent that forever. Just tell her you are sorry but you are not sure you can afford it, but she can apply and see what hapoens

This seems like terrible advice. Sure, odds are against her, but she might get in. And then, when she’s over the moon, you either have to mortgage your retirement or break her heart.

If what she’s seeking is prestige and affirmation, I would try to steer her toward the prestige schools that have a handful of full-ride merit scholarships. Schools like JHU and Swarthmore. She probably won’t get the scholarship, but if she does she can go. And if she gets in without the scholarship, she gets the affirmation of a competitive acceptance, but knows you can’t afford it — just as you’ve said all along.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, we're using the estimated financial aid calculators to run estimates and figure out which schools are affordable for our family and which ones aren't. If we're not sure that a school will be affordable, we're applying regular decision or early action and then waiting to see what they say about financial aid. I've got a bottom line of what I am willing to pay for school, and my kids are aware of it. If they want a school more expensive then what I am willing to pay, then they have to take the loans or otherwise figure out how to pay for it. My bottom line is relatively generous, but it quickly eliinated several schools.

Let your daughter apply. Then compare prices after you have her financial aid offers in hand. Require that she apply to some schools that are financial safeties.