Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

Child support DOES NOT cover private school or college. It covers basic necessities. I’ve told you this now about five times. It should be continued till a kid has a job that can cover these.

I'm not sure if it's you or not, but someone keeps arguing that CS should cover college tuition. And no, it should not be continued "until a kid has a job that can cover basic necessities". Among other things this encourages kids not to get a job. When you're legally an adult, get out of the nest. Live in a group house or whatever you need to do.

No you are misunderstanding the argument. Right now in Virginia parents don't have to pay for any child support beyond age 18 or till they finish high school. I am advocating that child support be extended till children finish college up to age 21 which I believe is the law in DC now. If 90% of the jobs that are above the level for free and reduced meals require an associates degree, then really it's a requirement for the jobs in this area for 90% of kids, so it shouldn't be optional that necessities be covered. If you are attending college you don't have the time to raise money to pay for your necessities. At most you have money to pay for your books and computer and other school supplies.

I am the PP from DC and I agree that CS in all states should be by age 21. Because everyone needs an associate degree to be employable. At least I can go try arguing in court that my son's living expenses in college should be covered as necessities since he has no time to work and both study full time. And regardless of what part time job he gets in college it won't be enough to support himself, even in a group house!

It's not a necessity. Take out loans or do without.

[Anonymous]

And this is a top federal area. Who exactly is going to man all the equipment when China comes to invade? Or pay down our national debt with these associates degrees? And then I guess no kids or marraige for them because why would they want that and so then the population diminishes and China invades anyway. Whatever. You get to enjoy dinners out every night. Totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

Child support DOES NOT cover private school or college. It covers basic necessities. I’ve told you this now about five times. It should be continued till a kid has a job that can cover these.

I'm not sure if it's you or not, but someone keeps arguing that CS should cover college tuition. And no, it should not be continued "until a kid has a job that can cover basic necessities". Among other things this encourages kids not to get a job. When you're legally an adult, get out of the nest. Live in a group house or whatever you need to do.

No you are misunderstanding the argument. Right now in Virginia parents don't have to pay for any child support beyond age 18 or till they finish high school. I am advocating that child support be extended till children finish college up to age 21 which I believe is the law in DC now. If 90% of the jobs that are above the level for free and reduced meals require an associates degree, then really it's a requirement for the jobs in this area for 90% of kids, so it shouldn't be optional that necessities be covered. If you are attending college you don't have the time to raise money to pay for your necessities. At most you have money to pay for your books and computer and other school supplies.

I am the PP from DC and I agree that CS in all states should be by age 21. Because everyone needs an associate degree to be employable. At least I can go try arguing in court that my son's living expenses in college should be covered as necessities since he has no time to work and both study full time. And regardless of what part time job he gets in college it won't be enough to support himself, even in a group house!

It's not a necessity. Take out loans or do without.

The law determines a necessity. Law comes from people, the parliament etc.When it was decided that Medicare was needed it was approved. Same should apply to these very young kids to give them a proper start in life, and to teach both their parents responsibility and dignity when exiting the marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are all too happy to have a SAHM during the hard years, letting their wives do the overnights and chasing tantruming toddlers while he hangs around the office “working late.” But then the revisionist history comes out, oh actually I was fine with sharing the burden but she INSISTED… whatever you say bud. The data and my lived experience shows that men who have SAHWs see their careers take off. The idea is to not divorce and enjoy the fruit of the mutually beneficial arrangement together. There is risk on both side if that doesn’t work out, but don’t pretend you weren’t getting something out of it too. After a long career in biglaw I see right through that.

Exactly: that's what mine did with me: we started when he was at $150K /year and I was at $85K/year. I went SAHM as he needed to travel and develop business. Just before he acquired major stock options package he decides that now it's time to divorce, after 15 years of marriage. Divorces. Starts making $1mm/year and now tells me I didn't earn any of it and it's none of my business

Yep. We made a decision for me to quit and my DH was able to see his career skyrocket. With both of us working, we were both stagnating. DH made up for my lost salary within a year of me quitting and he slept through the night while I got up multiple times a night. I've also see men step away to take care of kids as well. The thing is, whoever it is, man or woman, who stays home with kids, is doing the jobs of a nanny, full time maid, a chef, a driver, a tutor and psychologist/life coach. So, add up how much you would pay each of those employees - that what the stay at home parent is doing. There is an issue of fairness here and, assuming it is a joint agreement, then it should be treated as a 50-50 proposition. The one working couldn't pull it off successfully without the other one doing that.

Honey you make some good points. But you do realize from your DH’s point of view you did this of your own free will as volunteer work. If you want to get paid, do a contract before. Like a man. They aren’t showing up at work and doing extra for fun with no paycheck at the end of the month. This is why men think women are dumb. Like it or not, we live in a man’s world. Accept that reality first. Then change it if you want. Not accepting it and thinking things should be otherwise is just delusional. Watch how men do things. Put #1 first.

[Anonymous]

^^the truth is, women still don’t have power in a relationship unless they work. It pretty much all comes down to money. Actual money — not like, hey I went to lunch with you on Thursday, do you know how much it would cost for an escort to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

I work full-time as a divorcee and worked part-time before and we would have made more money and done better if one of us stayed home. We could have lived in a cheaper area with just one commute, less stress, and wouldn't have had to outsource as much. Both of us did parenting work, so I can't say it was just me. My ex would have eventually had left anyway because of his own mental health issues but I was able to accumulate more in 401K assets and in living and in help for the kids than if I didn't work. So I think the alimony payments are pretty equal or less than what I got as a working parent. I was compensated as a working parent by having someone else help with transportation of the kids, food shopping, cleaning, taxes, home maintenance, etc. when we lived together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

I work full-time as a divorcee and worked part-time before and we would have made more money and done better if one of us stayed home. We could have lived in a cheaper area with just one commute, less stress, and wouldn't have had to outsource as much. Both of us did parenting work, so I can't say it was just me. My ex would have eventually had left anyway because of his own mental health issues but I was able to accumulate more in 401K assets and in living and in help for the kids than if I didn't work. So I think the alimony payments are pretty equal or less than what I got as a working parent. I was compensated as a working parent by having someone else help with transportation of the kids, food shopping, cleaning, taxes, home maintenance, etc. when we lived together.

Also my friend stayed home and gets alimony only when the children are with her. It fades out when the oldest reaches high school or something like that. Lifetime is not typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

I also don't believe this because I've seen stay-at-home moms in action and certainly over the generations you can't say that somehow women didn't work. Throughout the world it is not women that are not working. There are some lazy women and lazy men, but the majority of women do work and yes when they don't have a full time job they can parent better, be better wives, take care of the home better, take care of eldery, the community, the pet etc. If you are doing something beneficial for others and taking care of yourself positively then you are doing positive work. It's only in America where we don't recognize that all work isn't monetized.

[Anonymous]

One lady I met has a husband who is an attorney and she knows he is having affairs. She’s been married all of four years. Her husband wants to take a job in Oklahoma where this AP is and she’s a stay at home mom with no support and a 1 and 3 year old and no skills. She already knows he won’t pay anything beyond the minimum required even though this guy makes good money. Her alimony will be very little. She’s trying to decide if she should divorce. It will plunge her and her kids into poverty. I don’t envy her in the least having to deal with all this, getting a job herself and the little ones. How can anyone be so cruel to their own children and the person they married is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One lady I met has a husband who is an attorney and she knows he is having affairs. She’s been married all of four years. Her husband wants to take a job in Oklahoma where this AP is and she’s a stay at home mom with no support and a 1 and 3 year old and no skills. She already knows he won’t pay anything beyond the minimum required even though this guy makes good money. Her alimony will be very little. She’s trying to decide if she should divorce. It will plunge her and her kids into poverty. I don’t envy her in the least having to deal with all this, getting a job herself and the little ones. How can anyone be so cruel to their own children and the person they married is beyond me.

Don't be so dramatic. Yes, she might have to cancel her membership to the country club, but she's not going to be plunged into poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One lady I met has a husband who is an attorney and she knows he is having affairs. She’s been married all of four years. Her husband wants to take a job in Oklahoma where this AP is and she’s a stay at home mom with no support and a 1 and 3 year old and no skills. She already knows he won’t pay anything beyond the minimum required even though this guy makes good money. Her alimony will be very little. She’s trying to decide if she should divorce. It will plunge her and her kids into poverty. I don’t envy her in the least having to deal with all this, getting a job herself and the little ones. How can anyone be so cruel to their own children and the person they married is beyond me.

Don't be so dramatic. Yes, she might have to cancel her membership to the country club, but she's not going to be plunged into poverty.

You are mistaken. She’s from a small town and her family are immigrants and they have no money so she has no inherited money. She married well. It will all be cut off from her minus alimony and child support and she has no skills to make the money to take care of the kids. He doesn’t want them at all and will give her full custody with visitation but the alimony and the child support will not cover her and she can’t work easily with two young kids and no skills. I’m sure she can find an apartment to live in with that money but that’s about it. Alimony does not go far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One lady I met has a husband who is an attorney and she knows he is having affairs. She’s been married all of four years. Her husband wants to take a job in Oklahoma where this AP is and she’s a stay at home mom with no support and a 1 and 3 year old and no skills. She already knows he won’t pay anything beyond the minimum required even though this guy makes good money. Her alimony will be very little. She’s trying to decide if she should divorce. It will plunge her and her kids into poverty. I don’t envy her in the least having to deal with all this, getting a job herself and the little ones. How can anyone be so cruel to their own children and the person they married is beyond me.

Don't be so dramatic. Yes, she might have to cancel her membership to the country club, but she's not going to be plunged into poverty.

You are mistaken. She’s from a small town and her family are immigrants and they have no money so she has no inherited money. She married well. It will all be cut off from her minus alimony and child support and she has no skills to make the money to take care of the kids. He doesn’t want them at all and will give her full custody with visitation but the alimony and the child support will not cover her and she can’t work easily with two young kids and no skills. I’m sure she can find an apartment to live in with that money but that’s about it. Alimony does not go far.

Divorce often plunges women into poverty! I would not divorce if I was that woman with lawyer husband.I would have tried to play him around pretend I want "us" to work on marriage, and use my time to get a better paying job or a degree. If they still have joint accounts maybe he will maintain her until kids are older!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

Child support DOES NOT cover private school or college. It covers basic necessities. I’ve told you this now about five times. It should be continued till a kid has a job that can cover these.

I'm not sure if it's you or not, but someone keeps arguing that CS should cover college tuition. And no, it should not be continued "until a kid has a job that can cover basic necessities". Among other things this encourages kids not to get a job. When you're legally an adult, get out of the nest. Live in a group house or whatever you need to do.

No you are misunderstanding the argument. Right now in Virginia parents don't have to pay for any child support beyond age 18 or till they finish high school. I am advocating that child support be extended till children finish college up to age 21 which I believe is the law in DC now. If 90% of the jobs that are above the level for free and reduced meals require an associates degree, then really it's a requirement for the jobs in this area for 90% of kids, so it shouldn't be optional that necessities be covered. If you are attending college you don't have the time to raise money to pay for your necessities. At most you have money to pay for your books and computer and other school supplies.

I am the PP from DC and I agree that CS in all states should be by age 21. Because everyone needs an associate degree to be employable. At least I can go try arguing in court that my son's living expenses in college should be covered as necessities since he has no time to work and both study full time. And regardless of what part time job he gets in college it won't be enough to support himself, even in a group house!

I have three close relatives who never spent a day on a college campus, but each of them built successful businesses worth $10-50 million.