Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Could be worse. My dad screwed his kids and grandkids and gave everything to his second wife, who he was married to for seven or eight years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.

So what's the new will? OP- take what she allocates to you and think of it as a new car or kitchen renovation on her dime. Source of funds you don't have to work for like 50k off a scratch lottery ticket. Sure it's hurtful but declining is just more for the mooch.

If the OP mom chooses to flow 3m to the brother that leaves OP with what? 50 to 500k? Likely the brother is to be a POA and then executor so he'll take the max on the executor fee. Mom is influenced by the brother + kids but is not incompetent. DH parents left the house+contents to 1 of multiple siblings who was living with them. Working just too lazy/cheap to get her own place. Parents kept the house beyond it's time because of her. None of the others turned down the leftovers.

OP here. You are right, I think. But I don't know how I can continue a relationship with her when she again is blatantly treating me unfairly.

PP here. You continue a relationship- some holidays, birthday card, etc. Christmas send food gift for the house and some candy. But don't knock yourself out. Some brief 5 minute phone chats 3xmonth and see her a few times a year. She's busy anyway with her live in 50 year old kid and teen grandchildren. Don't remember if you have children but if you do she obviously doesn't consider them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.

So what's the new will? OP- take what she allocates to you and think of it as a new car or kitchen renovation on her dime. Source of funds you don't have to work for like 50k off a scratch lottery ticket. Sure it's hurtful but declining is just more for the mooch.

If the OP mom chooses to flow 3m to the brother that leaves OP with what? 50 to 500k? Likely the brother is to be a POA and then executor so he'll take the max on the executor fee. Mom is influenced by the brother + kids but is not incompetent. DH parents left the house+contents to 1 of multiple siblings who was living with them. Working just too lazy/cheap to get her own place. Parents kept the house beyond it's time because of her. None of the others turned down the leftovers.

OP here. You are right, I think. But I don't know how I can continue a relationship with her when she again is blatantly treating me unfairly.

If she really does want to meet to discuss it, tell her by treating you and your brother unequally, she is communicating to you that she loves you less. Tell her you will leave it to her whether she wants to make that right or if she wants her last communication with her children to be that.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I are the only siblings that received no help and will receive no inheritances from either side. It’s fine. I actually think we will come out ahead but it makes me roll my eyes

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain.
When my brother and I were in college, our parents told us that our childhood home would be split between my older brother and I. He got married and moved into it; then my dad quitclaim it to him. My parents current home is going to my younger brother. Sometimes it hurts when I think about it, but I put it in the box that it belongs and this enables me to have a great relationship with my parents and brothers.

I laughed when my dad told me that he left all of us equal amount of money in his will. Thus, both brothers will have free homes and an inheritance🤣

I’m smiling as I write this because I believe that all of the “free” things have hampered them both.

I have a good life, so I just keep it rolling! Try not to let this ruin your relationship with your mom or your brother. Your mom is only doing what she thinks it best.

Also, remember, that money is hers to so whatever she wants to do with it.

Keep living your good life💗

[Anonymous]

I would go no contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many layers here, OP. Have you seen a therapist?

Multiple things can be true at once . . . that your brother has helped your mother (to not be lonely, probably first and foremost), that your mother has enabled your brother, that your mother's empathy for your brother's situation seems to reward him for not taking care of himself like you have, that your mother isn't trying hard enough to understand YOUR situation and point of view.

You have every right to draw a line in the sand after many instances of being treated unfairly. Do what you need to do, OP. It's possible, though, that you could reach an understanding with your mother if you talked things through. Only you know if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

OP, I am in your spot, with a couple difference: I have children, my brother does not. And my parents are currently fighting on the allocation, with one parent wanting to give more to my brother and the other saying 50%/50% The poster above is right -- you need to see a therapist to understand all of the layers and your views. I really get you on the unequal treatment and being punished for being self sufficient, but it's also true that your mother thinks your brother is incapable for supporting himself and his grandkids. Can you imagine being 50 and having your mom think that about you? Do you have kids that are old enough where one worries you more than the other?

I am on your side, truly, but you also have to see that you start from a a place of functionality and it sounds like your brother does not.

This. My in laws are lovely but will likely do something similar. I’m 100% ok with it. My BIL is not kind hearted, and I don’t want responsibility for him in future years. By giving him more, my in laws will make this NOT my problem. He will run through the money, even though it’s more. DH and I won’t have to feel any guilt about not helping him financially in that situation. His parents bail him out all the time, but that’s not our responsibility when they are gone. The piece of mind is worth everything, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Its not worth fighting over. Everyone has their own reasons including your mother. Money does NOT equal love.

[Anonymous]

OP here. There are millions at stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.

OK, sounds good.

You're confusing what is fair and what is equal. They are not the same thing.

I do think you have found the right decision though -- don't expect or accept any of the money. Now you have one less thing to stress about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.

OK, sounds good.

You're confusing what is fair and what is equal. They are not the same thing.

I do think you have found the right decision though -- don't expect or accept any of the money. Now you have one less thing to stress about.

It's not up to the mom to subsidize the loser kid to make things fair. Brother should get a job. I work 50 hours a week. He works zero

[Anonymous]

What a waste of skin to be 50 and need mommy to pay for you. I would be so embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There are millions at stake.

The millions of assets are why I wrote that you should not cease all contact, not have a major break, and take what comes your way eventually whether it's 50k or 1m. Face it- that brother and his 2 kids are getting the house and the kids might be in a % for the other assets.

Complaining and wanting equitable for yourself and your kids will just give the grifter more money and you less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a waste of skin to be 50 and need mommy to pay for you. I would be so embarrassed.

Why are ppl so mean on here. She has money. It’s the principle of it. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to imagine that this is the only way your mother is showing that she favors your brother or uses money to manipulate her kids' emotions.

My mother used money to keep some family member's wings clipped and to influence others. She regularly revised her will and let me and my sister know that our brother would or would not be in charge of our inheritance when the time came, depending on how she felt.

She is a ruthless and savage woman who has no idea how much pain she has inflicted on her family. I am estranged from her.