Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

I get it. My sister has a job where she makes far more than I do, but she has made a serious of poor financial decisions. Add to that she is divorced from a great guy whom she treated terribly and she has one child with him. Mom feels very sorry for her and all her misfortunes?! We have faced many stressors (husband's cancer, one of our kids has SN, home damage in a storm), but we don't look to my mom to to feel sorry for us. She has made it clear my sister is getting more because she is single. The funny thing is she still expects me to do far more for her as she ages. I have put in many years helping her and dad (when he was alive) and am burned out. Add to that the favoritism, and it's time for sister to step up to the plate more.

[Anonymous]

Having witnessed terrible inheritance battles on my mother's side of the family, I am firmly in the camp of equal division, unless everyone is on board with a different plan. For example, my husband and his siblings have agreed that a larger portion would go to their oldest sibling, because he takes care of their aging mother.

If your brother ends up taking care of your mother, that is worth a LOT of money and peace of mind, OP. I think you need to make sure that happens. It would be the best scenario for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is completely ignoring the fact that her brother has been living with their mother and presumably assisting her way more than OP is, and the burden will only get bigger as she ages. OP should be grateful for that, and recognize that it might come at a price.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s none of your business how she divides things. You should be grateful and appreciative for whatever you get.

Check the research and expert advice on this. It's really, really poor parenting that continues from the grave and leads to life long rifts. Parents can do whatever they want and their adult children are allowed to to be hurt. Your response is rude and shows ignorance to the dynamics. Nobody is owed anything.

This of it this way. You have young siblings playing nicely. They you take out a huge cookie and you give one most of the cookie and the other a small piece. Sure it's nice to get any cookie, but you have taken harmony and created extreme dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is completely ignoring the fact that her brother has been living with their mother and presumably assisting her way more than OP is, and the burden will only get bigger as she ages. OP should be grateful for that, and recognize that it might come at a price.

This.

I just posted, but if this is the case and he takes on a lot of parental care my response changes. He absolutely should get more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and I have not spoken to them for 10 years. I have completely cut them off. It's not the money, it's the inequity.

Mare they dead if they left unequal inheritance?

[Anonymous]

I will never understanding rewarding people for being lazy like you’re doing them a favor. People like OP’s brother will blow through that money, and when he’s left with nothing, he won’t even have OP to turn to because mom will have blown up that bridge.

There are times when unequal inheritances can make sense. Disabilities that require money for assistance, for example. But just because kids chose different life paths and one is “more successful”? What if OP has a debilitating car accident and can no longer work? What if OP ends up divorced and scraping by? What if the brother hits the lottery? No one knows what the future will bring. Treat your kids equally if you want them to have any relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

"Mom, it feels like you are rewarding Larlo for quitting work just because he dislikes it, when he has no barriers to getting another job. I work hard despite everything, and it feels like you are punishing me for being the diligent one. I'm also concerned about Larlo's future. In fact, I worry that he will burn through whatever money you leave him and then turn to me for help. I don't think leaving him more more than me is going to have a good outcome for him, or me, or our relationship."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP's brother is suffering from mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never understanding rewarding people for being lazy like you’re doing them a favor. People like OP’s brother will blow through that money, and when he’s left with nothing, he won’t even have OP to turn to because mom will have blown up that bridge.

There are times when unequal inheritances can make sense. Disabilities that require money for assistance, for example. But just because kids chose different life paths and one is “more successful”? What if OP has a debilitating car accident and can no longer work? What if OP ends up divorced and scraping by? What if the brother hits the lottery? No one knows what the future will bring. Treat your kids equally if you want them to have any relationship at all.

Again, this poster is ignoring the fact that the brother lives with and presumably takes care of many things for the money and will only do more as she ages. That's worth something. He may be professionally "lazy," but why should the mother care about that? What's important is what he's doing for the mother -- and it's HER money. She very well may see the brother as making sacrifices for her that the OP isn't doing, and as time goes on and she ages, trust me -- he will be doing a lot for her on a daily basis, simply because he lives with her, and OP won't be doing those things. In fact, OP will (or should be) happier knowing that her mother isn't alone while OP continues to live her wildly successful life free of the shackles of her mother's care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, it feels like you are rewarding Larlo for quitting work just because he dislikes it, when he has no barriers to getting another job. I work hard despite everything, and it feels like you are punishing me for being the diligent one. I'm also concerned about Larlo's future. In fact, I worry that he will burn through whatever money you leave him and then turn to me for help. I don't think leaving him more more than me is going to have a good outcome for him, or me, or our relationship."

Give ME the money, mommy! I'm more successful!! Love ME!!!

Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understanding rewarding people for being lazy like you’re doing them a favor. People like OP’s brother will blow through that money, and when he’s left with nothing, he won’t even have OP to turn to because mom will have blown up that bridge.

There are times when unequal inheritances can make sense. Disabilities that require money for assistance, for example. But just because kids chose different life paths and one is “more successful”? What if OP has a debilitating car accident and can no longer work? What if OP ends up divorced and scraping by? What if the brother hits the lottery? No one knows what the future will bring. Treat your kids equally if you want them to have any relationship at all.

Again, this poster is ignoring the fact that the brother lives with and presumably takes care of many things for the money and will only do more as she ages. That's worth something. He may be professionally "lazy," but why should the mother care about that? What's important is what he's doing for the mother -- and it's HER money. She very well may see the brother as making sacrifices for her that the OP isn't doing, and as time goes on and she ages, trust me -- he will be doing a lot for her on a daily basis, simply because he lives with her, and OP won't be doing those things. In fact, OP will (or should be) happier knowing that her mother isn't alone while OP continues to live her wildly successful life free of the shackles of her mother's care.

LOL mother not money!

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. My grandmother & uncle had a similar story- he didn't live at home but was chronically unemployed and she paid for his expenses. She ended up putting a set amount in a trust to be doled out over 25 years and then my mother and aunt split the rest (which ended up being double the amount in the trust for each).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is completely ignoring the fact that her brother has been living with their mother and presumably assisting her way more than OP is, and the burden will only get bigger as she ages. OP should be grateful for that, and recognize that it might come at a price.

Many 75 y.o. widows are in good shape and don't need anyone taking care of them, much less live-in help. The main thing she'd need help with is mowing and home repairs, which she can afford to hire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understanding rewarding people for being lazy like you’re doing them a favor. People like OP’s brother will blow through that money, and when he’s left with nothing, he won’t even have OP to turn to because mom will have blown up that bridge.

There are times when unequal inheritances can make sense. Disabilities that require money for assistance, for example. But just because kids chose different life paths and one is “more successful”? What if OP has a debilitating car accident and can no longer work? What if OP ends up divorced and scraping by? What if the brother hits the lottery? No one knows what the future will bring. Treat your kids equally if you want them to have any relationship at all.

Again, this poster is ignoring the fact that the brother lives with and presumably takes care of many things for the money and will only do more as she ages. That's worth something. He may be professionally "lazy," but why should the mother care about that? What's important is what he's doing for the mother -- and it's HER money. She very well may see the brother as making sacrifices for her that the OP isn't doing, and as time goes on and she ages, trust me -- he will be doing a lot for her on a daily basis, simply because he lives with her, and OP won't be doing those things. In fact, OP will (or should be) happier knowing that her mother isn't alone while OP continues to live her wildly successful life free of the shackles of her mother's care.

The bold is the operative word here. And YOU are the one presuming that. Some of us have watched elderly parents with kids living with them for free and yet doing nothing, leaving the “successful” kids with families and jobs to also pick up the slack. It’s just as much projecting for me to assume that as it is for you to assume brother is managing the house, cooking and cleaning for mom 24/7. If, IF, the brother steps up and provides care and support for mom, then sure, I can see him deserving more. But for now it appears that in exchange for companionship he already gets free room and board for him AND his two children.