Reply to I love my kids but I’m also jealous of anybody who doesn’t have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having kids crystallized for me how much they deserve to be wanted. Not wanted as in oops it was an accident baby. But once they exist, wanted. Loved. Appreciated. Not resented and shunted aside or treated like an inconvenience. They really arrive with their fully formed identities inside of them and if you actively DONT WANT THEM then by all means don’t. I think childless by choice is better than had kids I didn’t want. 
On the other hand I never ever wanted kids; I fell in love and got married and he very much did. And the kids are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me aside from my husband who is my absolute partner and love of my life. You never know the funny ways life will  take you. [/quote]

Wow same. I was deeply ambivalent about having kids but my husband really wanted them and I came around. We only had one, but it's the best thing I've ever done. I am so, so glad I took that leap. And I totally agree with you that it really drives home for me how important it is for kids to be really, truly loved by their parents. I take that responsibility seriously. The world is a rough place and there is zero guarantee that anyone else will ever really care about my kid. I mean, I think they should because she's amazing, but I've been alive in the world long enough to realize it doesn't work that way -- there are great people everywhere who don't get loved or appreciated for whatever reason. My kid will always have at least one person who believes she is valuable and important. Always. I'll make sure of it.

I think the reason I was ambivalent about kids is that I didn't get that from my parents and that's made life hard in some ways and I was fearful about doing that to someone else. But the result is the opposite -- because I know what it is to be sort of emotionally abandoned by your parents, I will never, ever do that to another person. I wonder if people who take the love and support of their parents for granted may not realize how valuable it is. I hope not. The world is a better place with people who feel secure in their place within it, I think. So the more parents who help offer that place of security for their kids, the better off we all are.[/quote]

I'm so glad it's becoming less taboo to say these things. My parents basically had kids because that's what you do mentally and they shouldn't have been parents. They caused a lot of damage.[/quote]

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