We just started dating and she called me out over a joke. Petty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just started dating about a month ago. We were talking on the phone and I asked her what she was up to. She said she had just finished watching the news. I replied with, “oh what news? TMZ, National inquirer, Star magazine?” and I started laughing. She paused, and said, “you must think I’m an airhead or not particularly bright for you to assume I read such low brow things as my source of news. I don’t appreciate it and don’t do that again”. In my defense I know she is into celebrity gossip. Heck, she’ll even ask me once in awhile if I want to hear the gossip of the day.

I think she was being petty. Thoughts?

If some date said that to me is slam him pretty hard but hopefully he wouldn’t since I work in inv mgmt and read 4 papers - non OpEds - before 8am daily.

Does she work in blogging or journalism or media entertainment?

I think she’d get over this, her comment is fair and reasonable. Question is if you (op) will get over it. I think the mini conflict is resolved. Now if you do it again and make an airhead assumption comment, you’re toast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a little uptight. Men tease the women they like, and that is time for a woman’s wit, charm, and perspicacity to stand up for herself can shine.

In short, she doesn’t have very good girl game and that won’t change any time soon. I would end it if it were me because I personally don’t think the schoolmarmy, stick-up-the-butt attitude is attractive.

So, because OP insinuated that she’s an idiot his girlfriend should just laugh along, otherwise she’s “uptight”.

Women who have backbones = uptight. Got it.

People have lost their ability to communicate. Prior pp was right, men tease women they like. It doesn’t mean he really thought that’s what she was doing. In fact he most likely thought the exact opposite.

In your shoes op, I’d take it as a red flag. A relationship without humor is challenging.

We know men tease women they like. That doesn’t mean we have to find humor in teasing that comes across as insulting.

Those papers are from another era, when grandmother would check out if the store and grab the Inquirer and a pack of cigarettes and a romance novel. Then pass the papers around to friends who stopped by for coffee or a drink to chat.

How does OP even know what those tabloids are? Not saying they’re 100% false but who has time for celebrity drama following. The will smith thing was trash enough .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when she asked if you thought she was an airhead what did you say?

Well technically she didn’t ask but I started laughing and said “woah , don’t say that about yourself”

Wow life gave you lemons and you went ahead and squeezed them in your eyes.

Here's how to fix things:

"Babe, I want to apologize for my joke the other day. I was an idiot. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met, which is why I thought it would be funny to joke about you reading those. I'm the dumb one, I even said print publications when you said you were watching the news, how stupid is that. I don't think you're an airhead, and I'm sorry I implied that you were calling yourself an airhead. Thank you for telling me this bothered you. I promise I will not make jokes at your expense in the future, but if I do screw up, please let me know". AND THEN DONT MAKE THOSE JOKES AGAIN. Seriously, it's not cute or funny to make fun of people once you're over the age of, like, 5.

Bonus: you'll get some fantastic makeup sex within a couple days, guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

IDK, I’d be insulted if you made that “joke” to me, for the exact reasons she stated. I say good on her for saying something about it rather than letting it stew, or just ghosting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - when she asked if you thought she was an airhead what did you say?

Well technically she didn’t ask but I started laughing and said “woah , don’t say that about yourself”

Wow life gave you lemons and you went ahead and squeezed them in your eyes.

Here's how to fix things:

"Babe, I want to apologize for my joke the other day. I was an idiot. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met, which is why I thought it would be funny to joke about you reading those. I'm the dumb one, I even said print publications when you said you were watching the news, how stupid is that. I don't think you're an airhead, and I'm sorry I implied that you were calling yourself an airhead. Thank you for telling me this bothered you. I promise I will not make jokes at your expense in the future, but if I do screw up, please let me know". AND THEN DONT MAKE THOSE JOKES AGAIN. Seriously, it's not cute or funny to make fun of people once you're over the age of, like, 5.

Bonus: you'll get some fantastic makeup sex within a couple days, guaranteed.

This is excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Me personally, would dump someone like that. If I can’t be myself and she can’t take a joke, imagine the future together and always having to bite your tongue. That will get old after a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a Female and would likely be okay w/this joke since I tend to be a laid back person in general who says a lot of tongue and cheek stuff all the time.

For her to react the way she did - may signal that you and her may be a bit incompatible.

This. There is a level of comfortable and it seems like it isn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

Agree, your humor does not match. I would have come back at you with another quip and enjoy light hearted back and forth. Now you know that she does not. So you will act accordingly. I am curious as to where you each are from. With my northeast friends we can banter back and forth, light heartedly. It has been my experience generally that people from other regions don’t appreciate sarcasm and that type of banter so it doesn’t happen with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me personally, would dump someone like that. If I can’t be myself and she can’t take a joke, imagine the future together and always having to bite your tongue. That will get old after a while.

How is essentially calling someone stupid a joke?
Even without her reaction it wasn’t even funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

Agree, your humor does not match. I would have come back at you with another quip and enjoy light hearted back and forth. Now you know that she does not. So you will act accordingly. I am curious as to where you each are from. With my northeast friends we can banter back and forth, light heartedly. It has been my experience generally that people from other regions don’t appreciate sarcasm and that type of banter so it doesn’t happen with them.

That’s the thing though, she usually gives it back to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd lose interest in you over that "joke". I'm betting you make a lot of jokes at the expense of others. Not my type of humor.

+1 you were demeaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me personally, would dump someone like that. If I can’t be myself and she can’t take a joke, imagine the future together and always having to bite your tongue. That will get old after a while.

How is essentially calling someone stupid a joke?
Even without her reaction it wasn’t even funny.

It’s sarcasm. If she can’t have friendly banter back, then he should find a woman who will joke back with him, stupid joke or not. But not whine and demand an apology like her shit don’t stank.

It’s about compatibility. They just aren’t compatible. It seems like she wants a serious guy, nothing wrong with that. But these two seem incompatible.

[Anonymous]

She should ghost you. You are insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think it was that bad but I’m not her. It doesn’t matter what the rest of us think. Does she normally have a sense of humor? It sounds like your sense of humor doesn’t match with hers - that’s the issue.

Agree, your humor does not match. I would have come back at you with another quip and enjoy light hearted back and forth. Now you know that she does not. So you will act accordingly. I am curious as to where you each are from. With my northeast friends we can banter back and forth, light heartedly. It has been my experience generally that people from other regions don’t appreciate sarcasm and that type of banter so it doesn’t happen with them.

That’s the thing though, she usually gives it back to me.

H and I tease each other all the time. Sometimes we accidentally hit a nerve and the other person gets upset. We apologize and don’t do it again. I know the things that are too much for H, he knows what is too much for me, and we don’t go there.

If one of us insisted “it was just a joke! We joke all the time! You’re petty and sensitive!” our marriage would not last very long. Part of joking around is knowing when you went too far and making things right when you do.

[Anonymous]

His joke implies he has no respect for her. If I were her, that would remain in the back of mind moving forward. I don't think he can unring that bell.