Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

You know what? I think you’re right. All of the men I know are already married to someone like the woman you are describing.

I think that you have the single man fantasy of what it’s going to be like being married to an accomplished woman (complete with him suddenly knowing how to make gourmet meals), and I have the married man fantasy of what life would be if he had married the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

this is spot on, and this is what Trump wanted in his wife. Melania learned what not to do from his first two wives, and ^^ describes their relationship perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

This is really true. She can be a Davidson grad making $30k part-time at an art gallery — this is higher status than a hot woman who’s never read the New Yorker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

that holds true for any thread where an OP asks for a man's opinion/view. women just can't help themselves to answer the way they want men to feel/think. any honest reply from a man brings out the few regular bitter shrews lurking and ready to pounce with their canned diatribes - which finds support and ultimately derails the thread.

so why the f*ck should men bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

this is spot on, and this is what Trump wanted in his wife. Melania learned what not to do from his first two wives, and ^^ describes their relationship perfectly.

Huh? The guy’s toilet is made out of gold. I don’t think any of his wives did laundry for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm honestly surprised by all these answers and I think all of them are coming from white people who grew up poor or middle class and made their own money. For me, it was kind of a given I'll marry someone from money too. We never had to discuss it. My mom has a PhD in organic chemistry and it was also expected that I will have an intellectual, high prestige job and go to grad school. All my friends from school work. Even Kimberly Ovitz has a job.

Who would you discuss it with?

My parents are wealthy and I married someone who grew up in public housing. There was no "discussion."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

You know what? I think you’re right. All of the men I know are already married to someone like the woman you are describing.

I think that you have the single man fantasy of what it’s going to be like being married to an accomplished woman (complete with him suddenly knowing how to make gourmet meals), and I have the married man fantasy of what life would be if he had married the nanny.

In reality you don’t see this. And when you do it’s laughed at. I think the norm is marrying as high quality as you can. And most men — most people — want the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm honestly surprised by all these answers and I think all of them are coming from white people who grew up poor or middle class and made their own money. For me, it was kind of a given I'll marry someone from money too. We never had to discuss it. My mom has a PhD in organic chemistry and it was also expected that I will have an intellectual, high prestige job and go to grad school. All my friends from school work. Even Kimberly Ovitz has a job.

Who would you discuss it with?

My parents are wealthy and I married someone who grew up in public housing. There was no "discussion."

My parents. How did you meet? I met mine in college. Our DC1 has been dating girls from affluent families too because this has been the demographic at his HS and college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

[Anonymous]

You can't blame these men or women wanting to add to their social and actual net-worth. After decades of working hard and spending a fortune on education, they earned the privilege to partner with successful partners.

An upper middle class upbringing and good education from preschool to grad school easily costs their parents a 1-2 million per child. That's itself a huge sacrifice and investment in their future and makes them protective of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

This is DC. No shortage of women are educated enough. Compatible personality is harder to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

No one wants this life as a nanny or a wife.
But I guarantee you that this is what men mean when they say they want someone who is kind and creates a peaceful home.