Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

My ExH had an income requirement for a future spouse. I met it. I thought it was weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, high number of divorce for beautiful and career women tells you it’s not something which keeps men attracted for long. Once married, they want a caring partner for themselves and a good mother for their children.

No, it tells you that men want women to do two full time jobs without sacrificing anything themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of men who don't want to marry someone who works in a tanning salon.

But there are plenty who will marry a teacher, a nurse, someone who works for the feds as a gs12 or 13 job in a not particularly impressive path. I think many men want a woman with a middle class or higher job.

But I don't think many care if a woman isn't, say, making 150 or 300 or 500k. 70 or 80 is fine. Whereas for many women, 80k is a big drawback if that is a man's salary.

I just posted but yeah I completely agree with this.

hhaaa. You realize GS-13s-14s make $150. GS-14 in STEM here who made $176k last year working from home.

I said 12 or 13. Not 14.

DP. I met my husband when I was 25 with a Masters Degree in Chem., NIH work experience and was a entry level GS-9. In less than 5 years I was a GS-14. I also make close to $200k 25 years later with close to $2 million in my own 401k. My point is : age matters. Many people meet their spouses in their prune attractiveness/fertile years before they are rolling in bank. My salary tripled over that time, but I had a great degree from a top university and a Masters degree. My husband was an Ivy grad making the same $ when we met and married, but in less than 5 years time was making $450k. We met at a work happy hour (my office was there and so was his). We had no idea about each other’s backgrounds but we’re highly attracted to one another, both very attractive people. The kind that turn heads. Also, witty and sharp and wit takes intelligence. If I was a dummy or he was a dummy, we wouldn’t have ended up together and married 2 years later. The entire package was there and our two sons (now in high school) are incredibly smart, good looking and very athletic. We both were athletes in college and our oldest is now being recruited as well. From that happy hour, there were similar matches, just like at alumni events that were big back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ExH had an income requirement for a future spouse. I met it. I thought it was weird.

Mine loved my high credit score and zero debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

Not in my circles, maybe in yours. I don't know any men married to women with associate's degrees. Zero. The women in this expensive neighborhood have multiple degrees from top schools, and there is very little divorce. That is the cold, hard truth.

I do. I’m a physician and know several men married to women who work in healthcare and have associates degrees. I also have several female family members with associates degrees married to high earners. These women are nice enough, but they are just normal women. They are not, on average, any more kind, peaceful, or attractive than women with advanced degrees.

[Anonymous]

I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

[Anonymous]

The SAHMs I know that are married to high earners are all college+ graduates, worked at a professional/management level, and stopped working outside the home only when they had children. They were attractive (but not model-pretty), able to carry on a conversation with anyone, and had a good sense of humor. All married happily for decades and now enjoying their empty nests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I know plenty of women my brother and his friends “dated”like that all through their 20s. In NYC, there are tons of girls like that (fill in low paying unskilled job); same with LA. These aren’t the type any of them married. They’re wives are all educated, many with graduate and/or professional degrees on top of undergrad. Some are very pretty. But, no, maybe some horny old fat creep like Lala Kent’s ex would marry her, nobody you’d want to have children with and an actual mutually happy marriage where one isn’t it solely for the $ or solely for the face/bod with zero upstairs.

[Anonymous]

^their wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed the only men who are “into” a woman’s career are insecure themselves and intelligensia-type status seeking. For example, the one who has a middling career and lives in the least expensive house in a hoity neighborhood and needs to bring up 47 times that his wife is an NPR reporter.

[Anonymous]

I make $400k a year. I don't need my wife to work. That said, if she's staying home she better look her like model and keep the house neat. Else, she needs to get a job. Even when men have trophy wives, the wives have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I know plenty of women my brother and his friends “dated”like that all through their 20s. In NYC, there are tons of girls like that (fill in low paying unskilled job); same with LA. These aren’t the type any of them married. They’re wives are all educated, many with graduate and/or professional degrees on top of undergrad. Some are very pretty. But, no, maybe some horny old fat creep like Lala Kent’s ex would marry her, nobody you’d want to have children with and an actual mutually happy marriage where one isn’t it solely for the $ or solely for the face/bod with zero upstairs.

+1 you might be able to have a one night stand or a week’s fling with any guy you want. But most men who see themselves as ambitious don’t partner with someone without ambitions. They can get a hot woman who also has a brain and can hold her own socially, or at the dinner party with the work colleagues he wants to impress. A bimbo is going to reflect negatively on him. That is just the reality of the world in UMC circles — someone with no ambition or accomplishments isn’t going to be taken seriously.

[Anonymous]

I'm honestly surprised by all these answers and I think all of them are coming from white people who grew up poor or middle class and made their own money. For me, it was kind of a given I'll marry someone from money too. We never had to discuss it. My mom has a PhD in organic chemistry and it was also expected that I will have an intellectual, high prestige job and go to grad school. All my friends from school work. Even Kimberly Ovitz has a job.