Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

No one wants this life as a nanny or a wife.
But I guarantee you that this is what men mean when they say they want someone who is kind and creates a peaceful home.

Well, similarly educated women from stable families are not unkind or unable to creat a peaceful home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

Not every educated women is ambitious or extrovert nor does all women see raising their own children as being a nanny, they see it as being a mother.

[Anonymous]

Well, raising children is not a socially acceptable endeavor any more, it can easily be outsourced to less educated, low paid, overworked, disinterested strangers of unknown morals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, raising children is not a socially acceptable endeavor any more, it can easily be outsourced to less educated, low paid, overworked, disinterested strangers of unknown morals.

You know, it actually can’t.
No one wants to sacrifice their lives to raise your children for you. No matter how much you pay them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circles, men marry the hot women with the great career. If you are in a highly educated professional group, you will see many of these women have it all: smoking hot, athletic, smart as a whip and a career to match (even if they mommy track or step back a bit when kids come along).

Those are the type of genetics intelligent men look for in a mate.

Now--if we are talking about a no-strings thing or frivolous temporary girlfriends, they don't care if they are as dumb as a bunch of rocks.

GD can we please retire smart as a whip? It makes you sound stupid, it is only used for women and never men, and is about as old and dusty as calling a women a "badass." You might as well use the term rockstar while you're at it.

Haha this post had a lot of buzzwords: “my circles,” “genetics,” “mate,” and yes, “smart as a whip”….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

No one wants this life as a nanny or a wife.
But I guarantee you that this is what men mean when they say they want someone who is kind and creates a peaceful home.

Well, similarly educated women from stable families are not unkind or unable to creat a peaceful home.

Well, every woman I know who is not a robot has dreams and desires if her own, whether they are career related or not. And when you have your own mind, you will sometimes be in opposition to your husband. Opposition is, by definition, not peaceful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

This^.

Everyone rich, gifted person I know opts for the gifted class with less income over economic peers. I too, can't stand people who think "sucks at career with no better options=good parent" even if they are the WORST HUMAN BEINGS ever and TERRIBLE with kids. Most of the nightmare MIL posts on here prove the point.

That being said, even ridiculously unattractive strippers seem to have no problem getting knocked up or getting boy"friends". Some engineers/computer guys really value not attractive and 5 IQ points lower as their only criteria.

[Anonymous]

Some engineers/computer guys really value not attractive and 5 IQ points lower as their only criteria.

No. We simply don’t care as much about your resume as your employer does. And he who marries the woman with the highest IQ doesn’t win. He who marries a woman with a normal IQ, who is compatible, wins.

[Anonymous]

Alex botez would be an ideal woman that high power guys would love.

She’s very attractive but not IG model hot, smart, got into Stanford kinda unhooked (shes good at chess but not fgm level, dabbled in the startup scene, now is Ft chess streamer on twitch, speaks multiple languages.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

Not every educated women is ambitious or extrovert nor does all women see raising their own children as being a nanny, they see it as being a mother.

Completely agree. I met my wife in law school. While she had a few prestigious jobs after law school, she has been a SAHM for years. She has always felt that the financial and "ego" hit was well worth it to have the extra time with kids and family. We know plenty of other families like this. I think you see it less in this area and other expensive, competitive metros for lots of reasons -- people cannot afford to have only one working parent; people want to live a more lavish lifestyle than they could on one income; people are competitive and judgmental about professional accomplishments; etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

No one wants this life as a nanny or a wife.
But I guarantee you that this is what men mean when they say they want someone who is kind and creates a peaceful home.

Well, similarly educated women from stable families are not unkind or unable to creat a peaceful home.

Notice — educated and family background are the key criteria here.

Not employment status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

No one wants this life as a nanny or a wife.
But I guarantee you that this is what men mean when they say they want someone who is kind and creates a peaceful home.

Well, similarly educated women from stable families are not unkind or unable to creat a peaceful home.

Notice — educated and family background are the key criteria here.

Not employment status.

So what are you saying? That if a woman has parents that worked in service jobs they are unqualified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, raising children is not a socially acceptable endeavor any more, it can easily be outsourced to less educated, low paid, overworked, disinterested strangers of unknown morals.

You know, it actually can’t.
No one wants to sacrifice their lives to raise your children for you. No matter how much you pay them.

Been through this rodeo twice. If you and your husband have flexible hours, you need in home care for approximately 1.5-2 years. I’ve been very hands on with raising my kids and I have what some would consider a high status career. So while you do need help, after a few years the kids are off to PT and then FT school. No way I want to sit at home twiddling my thumbs, shopping deals at Target, and wasting time on Instagram before school pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in reality that if a woman looked exactly like Meagan Fox, but worked as a Nanny she could still get any man she wanted.

Because overall men are very visually stimulated.

Not all > but most. 😉

I don’t know. I don’t think the male fantasy is that she looks like Meagan Fox and works as a nanny. I think the male fantasy is that she looks cute enough, but also that because she is a nanny she has no ambition or desires in life, and will happily spend her days washing his dirty socks and cooking his favorite meals, then have hot sex by night. I think in this fantasy she also has close friends and family that she can talk to about her problems, so she doesn’t have to bother him with them, but he never ever has to meet them, and she won’t mind moving away from them forever if that’s what’s best for him or his career.
I think that she also has children, but they don’t take away from her devotion to him, and he only has to see them for an hour a day after they are bathed and fed (until, of course, they reach adolescence. Then he will attend all of their games where they are the star player).

I don’t know a single UMC guy with the fantasy to marry someone who works as a nanny. If you’re educated and of an aspirational class, you have a nanny to do the laundry and prep dinner while your wife kicks ass at her amazing dream job. You’re capable of cooking amazing gourmet meals yourself and can afford the best restaurants. And you spend a lot of your free time with your children because it’s a privilege to get to know them.

Not much talk about problems and hot sex, sure. Though most of the men I meet socially in this class seem to pride themselves on being emotionally and intellectually available for deeper conversation.

What you’re describing sounds pretty basic and retrograde. It might be if guys are not very educated they don’t care what their wife does or they have this idea that women should be caretakers, but most men of a certain class want to be married to women who are “self-actualized” and can be an “equal companion” professionally and intellectually. That makes the whole family have a higher status. They have also internalized higher standards for themselves, because they think real intimacy involves connecting with your partner in a deeper way. Not saying any of this is better, necessarily, just saying that this is how these guys think. I went to school at Ivy+ and those guys might bang a nanny in the summer but they all dream of marrying a woman who is brilliant, accomplished, and beautiful and kind and all the rest. They dream of being a power couple.

Both of these fantasies involve a woman doing all of the caretaking. Whether it’s the nanny turned wife or the nanny acting as nanny, there seems to be an assumption that there are many, many women out there who want nothing more than to take care of all of the mundane aspects of some man’s life in order to support his flourishing career.
These fantasy female caretakers don’t even seem to want a social life of their own. They are available 24/7, do everything to a high standard, never complain, and are happy to just support from the background.

Big difference between being a nanny and being a woman who’s expected to fill that role after marriage.

Nanny gets a pay check and goes home at night. Nanny can quit at any time and get a different job, even start a different career. It’s not the same thing. For some people being a nanny is the best job they can get given the labor market so that’s the job they want. Very few UMC women, who are educated into a sense of unlimited life possibilities, dream of being a SAHM and not realizing any of their own talents and dreams. Very few women who have any sense of what’s out there will be happy indefinitely as SAHMs.

Not every educated women is ambitious or extrovert nor does all women see raising their own children as being a nanny, they see it as being a mother.

Completely agree. I met my wife in law school. While she had a few prestigious jobs after law school, she has been a SAHM for years. She has always felt that the financial and "ego" hit was well worth it to have the extra time with kids and family. We know plenty of other families like this. I think you see it less in this area and other expensive, competitive metros for lots of reasons -- people cannot afford to have only one working parent; people want to live a more lavish lifestyle than they could on one income; people are competitive and judgmental about professional accomplishments; etc.

Come back to us in ten years when you and your wife have marital issues due to her resentment.