Guy canceled date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

I am a divorced woman. I completely agree with you. I think these women are ridiculous. They should not date men with children.

I don't have kids and I agree with both of you. Of course, his kids come first!

So basically OP should just expect to be dropped at the last minute if the ex decides she wants to work?

[Anonymous]

I married a man with kids. Yes, there were canceled dates, but he never treated me like this. The people telling you it's okay for him to treat you like crap because kids are selfish people. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nurses don’t have to “go in for emergencies”

Unless there was some kind of mass casualty event, but you’d know about that. Nurses are hourly workers. They aren’t on call, usually. And if they are on call, it is scheduled. It is possible her work called and asked if she was available to come in, to which she could have said no because she has kids. Unless she is a military nurse.

Doesn’t make sense to me and i suspect he is probably in part lying

Lol you know there is a severe sort shortage of nurses…something about covid and everyone over worked.

Ok and they can’t make you come in- as an hourly worker. You aren’t obligated to provide backup. That is what agencies are for. They can ask- but they can’t make you come in as a nurse if you are not scheduled

This is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

I am a divorced woman. I completely agree with you. I think these women are ridiculous. They should not date men with children.

I don't have kids and I agree with both of you. Of course, his kids come first!

So basically OP should just expect to be dropped at the last minute if the ex decides she wants to work?

There's a big difference between the ex getting called to work an emergency shift (that could offer more money, be good for her career, help people who otherwise might die, etc.) and deciding that she wants to go out on the town. The former is better for the family unit, which will always include the guy's kids and ex.

There's a reason there are so many nightmare step parent stories. It's extremely rare for a single, childless person to be good with putting a man's children ahead of herself. I don't blame OP for not wanting to do that (I refused to date men with children when I was single and childless), but I do blame her for expecting to be prioritized above taking his own kids when their mom has an emergency shift - after 2 dates!!!

I think some of the strong reactions against OP's attitude come from her me me me attitude and her cluelessness about being a parent. She's essentially competing with the guy's kids instead of supporting their relationship. If the guy's mom needed a ride to the ER, then it's unlikely that OP would be in such a tizzy. It's OP's making the guy choose between co-parenting with his ex and OP's wanting to be prioritized above his kids/ex's need to support them that makes her so unlikable.

Maybe the guy is just making up a story to get out of the date, but at this point it's irrelevant because OP really lacks the maturity to date a man with kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

And you aren't wrong for feeling that way. There's a way to treat people, and there's a way not to treat people. I am a pp who married a guy with kids, and as you said there's a way you handle things when things with the kids come up that convey you care about the other person. I also dated other guys with kids who behaved more like this guy, who was frankly completely inconsiderate, and they were selfish in other ways too. I don't want to be a jerk, but this guy is divorced for a reason, and that's probably because he's not great at treating his partner as he should.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you decide not to respond to his text?

I’m betting he’s married. Did you meet him online?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

And you aren't wrong for feeling that way. There's a way to treat people, and there's a way not to treat people. I am a pp who married a guy with kids, and as you said there's a way you handle things when things with the kids come up that convey you care about the other person. I also dated other guys with kids who behaved more like this guy, who was frankly completely inconsiderate, and they were selfish in other ways too. I don't want to be a jerk, but this guy is divorced for a reason, and that's probably because he's not great at treating his partner as he should.

+1000. I’m one of the prior posters who had a similar situation. I was naive and responded to his bs like one of the prior posters recommended, which was to say “I understand.” That ushered in a whole new era of him taking me for granted and treating me like crap. You show people how you will allow yourself to be treated. FWIW, here is the exact wording of the text he sent right at the time we were supposed to meet, after he’d been playing golf and was radio silent all morning and I’d ended up calling him several times to see if he was still going to meet me at the designated time:

“Ran into a snag. Played so well today that we are in some kind of playoff. I'm stuck here finishing this. On the plus side it's totally fun.”

True this does not involve children, like OP’s situation. But it had the same elements of bailing at the last minute and not expressing any concern for the person he was bailing on. The text doesn’t seem so bad, right? I stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt. This person went on to ghost randomly, then reappear. Say we would do things then completely fail to follow through. Promised to get together for my birthday, then failed to contact me until 6 pm claiming he was comforting a friend who’s wife he died from cancer. Lol - it was all lies, but packaged in a way that would make me look like a jerk if I complained. People need to be aware that people like this exist and will seriously waste your time if you let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn this guy for prioritizing his kids over a woman he's been on 2 dates with! OP should move on!

Ha. This.

My kids will always come before someone I’ve been on 2 dates with. If OP can’t handle that kids will come first, she needs to move on.

Tho this guy sounds like a dream compared to all the loser fathers I know who will happily bail on their children for a piece of ass.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

And you aren't wrong for feeling that way. There's a way to treat people, and there's a way not to treat people. I am a pp who married a guy with kids, and as you said there's a way you handle things when things with the kids come up that convey you care about the other person. I also dated other guys with kids who behaved more like this guy, who was frankly completely inconsiderate, and they were selfish in other ways too. I don't want to be a jerk, but this guy is divorced for a reason, and that's probably because he's not great at treating his partner as he should.

+1000. I’m one of the prior posters who had a similar situation. I was naive and responded to his bs like one of the prior posters recommended, which was to say “I understand.” That ushered in a whole new era of him taking me for granted and treating me like crap. You show people how you will allow yourself to be treated. FWIW, here is the exact wording of the text he sent right at the time we were supposed to meet, after he’d been playing golf and was radio silent all morning and I’d ended up calling him several times to see if he was still going to meet me at the designated time:

“Ran into a snag. Played so well today that we are in some kind of playoff. I'm stuck here finishing this. On the plus side it's totally fun.”

True this does not involve children, like OP’s situation. But it had the same elements of bailing at the last minute and not expressing any concern for the person he was bailing on. The text doesn’t seem so bad, right? I stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt. This person went on to ghost randomly, then reappear. Say we would do things then completely fail to follow through. Promised to get together for my birthday, then failed to contact me until 6 pm claiming he was comforting a friend who’s wife he died from cancer. Lol - it was all lies, but packaged in a way that would make me look like a jerk if I complained. People need to be aware that people like this exist and will seriously waste your time if you let them.

Op here- Sorry you had to go through that! And that’s the worst part about these situations: the gaslighting that makes you feel guilty or look crazy if you complain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you decide not to respond to his text?

I’m betting he’s married. Did you meet him online?

No I did not respond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

And you aren't wrong for feeling that way. There's a way to treat people, and there's a way not to treat people. I am a pp who married a guy with kids, and as you said there's a way you handle things when things with the kids come up that convey you care about the other person. I also dated other guys with kids who behaved more like this guy, who was frankly completely inconsiderate, and they were selfish in other ways too. I don't want to be a jerk, but this guy is divorced for a reason, and that's probably because he's not great at treating his partner as he should.

Op here- Thank you and I agree 100%

[Anonymous]

I would have been over it when he commented that he was really looking forward to seeing the movie. Nothing about seeing OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Just to clarify, I have a kid and I have dated people with kids before, so this is not new territory for me. I’ve had to cancel whole weekend plans because my ex bailed at the last minute on his weekend. The difference is, I never disappeared, I had a conversation like an adult and explained exactly what happened, was apologetic and offered something else. Re-reading the texts, I did not see any empathy from this guy about my getting ready and waiting for him and getting the cancellation 10 minutes before he was supposed to get here! He treated it as a business transaction pretty much and cared more about the movie and refunding the tickets, nothing about my wellbeing, thats whats bothering me, not the kids

And you aren't wrong for feeling that way. There's a way to treat people, and there's a way not to treat people. I am a pp who married a guy with kids, and as you said there's a way you handle things when things with the kids come up that convey you care about the other person. I also dated other guys with kids who behaved more like this guy, who was frankly completely inconsiderate, and they were selfish in other ways too. I don't want to be a jerk, but this guy is divorced for a reason, and that's probably because he's not great at treating his partner as he should.

+1000. I’m one of the prior posters who had a similar situation. I was naive and responded to his bs like one of the prior posters recommended, which was to say “I understand.” That ushered in a whole new era of him taking me for granted and treating me like crap. You show people how you will allow yourself to be treated. FWIW, here is the exact wording of the text he sent right at the time we were supposed to meet, after he’d been playing golf and was radio silent all morning and I’d ended up calling him several times to see if he was still going to meet me at the designated time:

“Ran into a snag. Played so well today that we are in some kind of playoff. I'm stuck here finishing this. On the plus side it's totally fun.”

True this does not involve children, like OP’s situation. But it had the same elements of bailing at the last minute and not expressing any concern for the person he was bailing on. The text doesn’t seem so bad, right? I stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt. This person went on to ghost randomly, then reappear. Say we would do things then completely fail to follow through. Promised to get together for my birthday, then failed to contact me until 6 pm claiming he was comforting a friend who’s wife he died from cancer. Lol - it was all lies, but packaged in a way that would make me look like a jerk if I complained. People need to be aware that people like this exist and will seriously waste your time if you let them.

Op here- Sorry you had to go through that! And that’s the worst part about these situations: the gaslighting that makes you feel guilty or look crazy if you complain

Thank you OP, perfectly stated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have been over it when he commented that he was really looking forward to seeing the movie. Nothing about seeing OP.

I agree that the guy handled this wrong. BUT, I could see myself saying what he said about the movie to make clear that I appreciated the plans that the person had made for us, and had been looking forward to it, not as a way of minimizing my interest in the person.

Bernadette