Guy canceled date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1

Sending a text instead of phoning was cowardly. He knew this. It makes me tend to disbelieve him about his excuse. Sending a last minute text the OP might not have gotten until she was actually at the destination is a nasty thing to do. 10 minutes before she left the house means she could easily have already been driving.

And I don't like his suggestion that he will pay for the tickets unless OP "can get a refund", and she should "let me know." A. He should have just offered to pay for the tickets, without the implication that OP needs to jump through the hoops of trying to get a last minute refund. The "let me know" part irritates me a lot. This makes it sound as if the guy doesn't plan to call OP to check in after he backed out of their date, but that he'll wait to hear from her about whether she wants him to pay for the tickets.

This has nothing to do with him being a good dad. He could have phoned OP to cancel the date and assure her that of course he would pay for the tickets, then called her back after his kids were in bed to apologize and give plans for their next date.

This guy doesn't care. I don't think OP should text him back.

Thank you ! All of this.

PP has convinced me. Do not text him back.

[Anonymous]

This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1 This guy did none of those things. OP should move on.

Yep the guy messed up. He should have just ghosted.

Bingo. And the PP defending the OP is batshit too. They are perfect examples of the crazies in the dating pool here.

I didn’t say the guy “messed up.” I aminficeying that his behavior when canceling indicates he’s not into it. That’s all. Get the chip off your shoulder.

^*I am saying*

Yes I know. In this situation the man should have ghosted this woman because she is crazy. And sounds like he’s not interested in a third date. As it should be! Good for him!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1 This guy did none of those things. OP should move on.

Yep the guy messed up. He should have just ghosted.

Bingo. And the PP defending the OP is batshit too. They are perfect examples of the crazies in the dating pool here.

I didn’t say the guy “messed up.” I aminficeying that his behavior when canceling indicates he’s not into it. That’s all. Get the chip off your shoulder.

^*I am saying*

Yes I know. In this situation the man should have ghosted this woman because she is crazy. And sounds like he’s not interested in a third date. As it should be! Good for him!!!

+1 she is crazy and a sockpuppet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

And you should not be dating. It's that simple. You don't want a relationship with another person you essentially want a sex toy to be at your beck and call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 minutes beforehand? Sounds like he's married and thought he could get away but his plan went south so he bailed on you.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how I feel about this. 3rd date, we were supposed to go to the movies, 10 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up , I get this. This is after him texting me an hour prior reminding me to get ready so we wouldn’t be late. He told me before that his ex was a nurse, I know emergencies can happen and its tricky with kids, but I know men lie as well, so part of me is pissed that I got ready for nothing and also wondering if it’s just an excuse!

‘I have some bad news 😔 my ex got called in for an emergency at work and I gotta grab the kids. I’m so sorry! If you can get a refund on the tickets let me know. If not I will pay you for the tickets!! I feel so bad I’m sorry!’

I would take this at face value for what it is. If it happens again, there’s a possibility his ex is deliberately interfering in his dating life, but that would be really unusual. But this doesn’t sound like flaking to me.

I agree that it may not be flaking, but how the guy went about it shows he's got no respect for OP. O should put him on the backburner, go on dates with other guys, if she's still interested in him, and he asks her out and she's availbale by all means go on another date, but don't sit around waiting for him, or make him her only option.

This is not an example of him putting OP on the back burner at all.

You really should learn how to read before commenting... OP should put the guy on the backburner he;s not serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- 1st text I got back from him : ‘So Sorry again about last night, hope you have a wonderful day ‘ :-!

That is actually a very nice text—and if you don’t see this then you’re a moron. Personally I think he should find somebody better than you because you are way too high maintenance.

You don't think it's odd that he isn't suggesting a makeup date?

No, I don’t. He probably will give him a minute. I would expect the next text to say can we have a date when he knows when he can do it he might not know when he can do it right now it’s only been one day! This is seriously why men think women are crazy because they overthink. I am a mid-40s woman. Guy sounds like a super nice guy he’s apologize twice already and he still can’t get it right with people who are so high means that it’s ridiculous give him a chance to plan another date before he asks for another date! Jeez! I really think this guy find somebody better suited to him because OP is ridiculous and he sounds very respectful and nice from what I’ve seen in these texts.

You sound like a pick me who accepts dog crap from guys and thinks she's winning. Expecting to be treated with respect is not being crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nurses don’t have to “go in for emergencies”

Unless there was some kind of mass casualty event, but you’d know about that. Nurses are hourly workers. They aren’t on call, usually. And if they are on call, it is scheduled. It is possible her work called and asked if she was available to come in, to which she could have said no because she has kids. Unless she is a military nurse.

Doesn’t make sense to me and i suspect he is probably in part lying [/]

I think the guy got a “better offer” last night, but sent the text this morning to keep OP around as a backup. One thing I’ve learned from dating is, if someone really wants to be with you they will make it happen. Of course things come up, but his actions are not of someone who is actually that interested in OP. He might be a great dad (if that story is true). He might be a great friend, and great person. But for OP, he’s just not that into you.

That part ! Dude is playing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

I am a divorced woman. I completely agree with you. I think these women are ridiculous. They should not date men with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

I am a divorced woman. I completely agree with you. I think these women are ridiculous. They should not date men with children.

I don't have kids and I agree with both of you. Of course, his kids come first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a great reminder to me why I will never seriously date while my kids are in the house. No offense but my girlfriend comes last and way, way behind my kids. I would bail out my ex in a moment so I could spend time with kids.

I can't believe this is controversial

I am a divorced woman. I completely agree with you. I think these women are ridiculous. They should not date men with children.

I don't have kids and I agree with both of you. Of course, his kids come first!

All agree kids come first. The issue is that the way he followed up, or didn't bother to call or set up a second date, indicates lack of sufficient interest or respect. If you REALLY like someone and bail minutes before a specially planned date, you come back better than that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if this guy likes you but had an emergency, is lying to get out of a date with you, or is married and couldn't sneak out last night. But on the chance that everything he said is true, then of course taking care of his kids is going to come first, especially during a pandemic.

It's also perfectly legitimate for you to decide that you can't put someone else's kids before you and not date anyone with kids. Kids should always come before grown ups. Most people just don't seem to mind when it's their own kids, and you probably wouldn't either. However, you would make a horrible stepmom or girlfriend for a man with kids from a prior marriage. It's best that you come to terms with that now and only date childless men. Your selfishness isn't fair to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Op - are you overweight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know if this guy likes you but had an emergency, is lying to get out of a date with you, or is married and couldn't sneak out last night. But on the chance that everything he said is true, then of course taking care of his kids is going to come first, especially during a pandemic.

It's also perfectly legitimate for you to decide that you can't put someone else's kids before you and not date anyone with kids. Kids should always come before grown ups. Most people just don't seem to mind when it's their own kids, and you probably wouldn't either. However, you would make a horrible stepmom or girlfriend for a man with kids from a prior marriage. It's best that you come to terms with that now and only date childless men. Your selfishness isn't fair to the kids.

For the last time it's not about his kids. He didn't drop OP because of his kids. His rudeness isn't because of his kids. OP isn't selfish because she would like to be treated with respect. ANd just in case you were wondering having kids doesn't give you the right to treat the person you are dating like crap or generally be an asshole.