When your child is very different than you - looks, popularity etc

[Anonymous]

Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

[Anonymous]

My kid is like me in some ways and unlike me in others.

I actually find it easier to deal with the stuff that is dissimilar. I think when your kid takes after you in certain ways, it can be harder to view them objectively and as separate from you. My kid has a lot of the same social tendencies as me, which can be both good and bad, and I definitely get up in my feelings about that stuff way more than I do when dealing with, for instance, her aversion to sports (even though I'm very sporty/outdoorsy). When your kid is similar to you, it can trigger memories from your own childhood, or lead you to mimic the way your parents parented you, which you might not even like. It's kind of a mind game at times.

[Anonymous]

No big deal. My kid is her own person. She's awesome, and I am too, but in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

I can relate. My kid is the same and I also get really frustrated with feeling like I'm forcing a horse to drink.

[Anonymous]

Why? Does it both you my kid looks nothing like me?

[Anonymous]

My 3 kids are all very different. They have inherited some of my traits and some of my husband’s. My husband and I are polar opposites. I’m happy they are their own unique selves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

What a weird simultaneous not-so-humble brag/kid bash. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this too. My DD and I are opposites in terms of body type, personalities, academic strengths, ambition, and overall tastes. My ego has a hard time processing this at times, but I've come to terms with the fact that she is her own person, not an extension of me. This podcast addresses the issue

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-myth-of-the-mini-me/id1561689671?i=1000709095926

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

WOW. Just say you don't like your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

What a weird simultaneous not-so-humble brag/kid bash. Yikes.

I thought the same thing except the e humble brag part because this is more an attempted humble brag than something anyone would actually aspire to. phDs are a dime a dozen and not by themselves indicative of success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

The book, Guiding the Gifted Child by James Webb, offers some insight into how things can go awry with gifted children. I highly recommend it. Most people don't know that gifted children are an at-risk population. They often cannot access the support that they need because so much of life is designed to accommodate majority populations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

I see this a lot. Parents who are Type A and very high achieving and kids who just...aren't meeting that bar. I think a lot of it has to do with them seeing something that they read as not worth it and just opting out. In some cases, not trying because they don't want to fail or disappoint. In other cases, seeing the end-goal and thinking "if all this gets me is a regular house and a regular life and a tightly wound personality, no thanks."

[Anonymous]

My kids look exactly like me and nothing like their dad. So let me ask him!

In terms of personality, they’re their own people, just like I look like my mom, but I’m very different in personality wise so maybe that’s how I interpret your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is like me in some ways and unlike me in others.

I actually find it easier to deal with the stuff that is dissimilar. I think when your kid takes after you in certain ways, it can be harder to view them objectively and as separate from you. My kid has a lot of the same social tendencies as me, which can be both good and bad, and I definitely get up in my feelings about that stuff way more than I do when dealing with, for instance, her aversion to sports (even though I'm very sporty/outdoorsy). When your kid is similar to you, it can trigger memories from your own childhood, or lead you to mimic the way your parents parented you, which you might not even like. It's kind of a mind game at times.

Agree with this!

I have one kid that is so similar to me but looks nothing like me and another kid who looks exactly like I did at her age but her personality is so, so different. They can both do things to frustrate me, but I definitely find myself extra mad/anxious when I see my bad qualities in my son. It’s like I’m angry at myself or something. I can’t really explain it but I’m able to be more objective when parenting my DD who is nothing like me.