When your child is very different than you - looks, popularity etc

[Anonymous]

My kid has my anxiety and my petite stature. My parents let my anxiety run the show, allowing me to quit every extracurricular they tried to sign me up for and beg myself out of playdates, which only exacerbated my issues. I wasn't unpopular necessarily, but had pretty bad social anxiety and came off as shy and aloof. Being small also played into my shyness, making it easier for me to go unnoticed.

My husband and I recognized our daughter's anxiety early and got her therapy in preschool. We talked about extracurriculars with her before signing her up and then made her stick with it for the season, even when she was anxious to play and spent the first half of practice crying. By the end of the season, she was always happy she had done it. She not only learned the skills of the sport (soccer, ice skating, baseball), but also worked her social muscles. She's in second grade now and extremely outgoing and popular. She still struggles with anxiety at times, but we work through it. It makes me wonder if my school experience could have been different, if I could have been more outgoing, with different support, or if this is a way that we're naturally different.

[Anonymous]

Muji kid isn't a hungry as I am. But I'm not willing to mange her starve just to get that hunger in her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

Stop trying to make her just like you. Most students are not interested in obtaining a PhD so drop that, nobody cares. Stop calling your kid gifted. What does that even mean?

There are plenty of people walking around that are smarter than you but are chill, work at average jobs, have average lives and are happy. Not everyone wants to live like you accept that she might want her own life. And the reason she’s with socially awkward kids is because she’s one of them. Hopefully she has activities that keep her busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it fascinating. She’s much better looking than I was as a kid, and makes friends by breathing. I study her like a sociologist. lol!

Same
Mine teaches me how to be better at socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

You’ve gotten a lot of flack on this thread, and I just wanted to say that I get where you’re coming from and don’t think you’re a terrible mom. My kid and I are similar in intellect, but while I was incredibly driven as a kid, she is not really. She does care about school, and for that I’m grateful! But very little desire to do anything outside of mandatory schoolwork, and screens are not an issue. She is smart, attractive, athletic, and could be great at a variety of things if she put her mind to it, but she’d rather stay home and do nothing. I feel ill-equipped to parent her, but love her, and am doing the best that I can! As I’m sure you are, too!

[Anonymous]

Raising a bunch of bums it’s ok I guess

[Anonymous]

Why are you competing with your child, OP? If your child is smarter, more attractive, more successful than you are, then you should applaud that and cheer him or her on.

[Anonymous]

Ill equipped wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only painful part is when the high schooler talks about people at school and how "cool" they are or how they won't sit with her or talk to her much and then I see these kids and they are absolute losers. Like people who would have been absolutely torn down in the vicious 90s of my times. Like if you were fat and had glasses it was an unfortunate time for you in the 90s. Now these kids are top dogs for some strange reasons.

I just stay quiet because I don't understand the politics and it's only a blip in life before college.

Brilliant post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

Stop trying to make her just like you. Most students are not interested in obtaining a PhD so drop that, nobody cares. Stop calling your kid gifted. What does that even mean?

There are plenty of people walking around that are smarter than you but are chill, work at average jobs, have average lives and are happy. Not everyone wants to live like you accept that she might want her own life. And the reason she’s with socially awkward kids is because she’s one of them. Hopefully she has activities that keep her busy.

Her IQ is 152 and she’s in specialized school - that’s what I mean.

Yes tons of people smarter than me - my husband for starters but also many of my colleagues and my own daughter. I never said I was the smartest. I have a PhD and that was probably more driven by ambition, which is what I stated. My life is pretty average and I’m ok with that. I want my daughter to be happy and surrounded by friends who care about her and have a career she enjoys.

I think it’s you that needs to chill. I know you are trying to be mean to me by criticizing me, but you missed this part - I love who I am and my daughter - seriously I want the best for her. What happened to you to make you this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you competing with your child, OP? If your child is smarter, more attractive, more successful than you are, then you should applaud that and cheer him or her on.

I haven’t seen any of this on this thread - are you in the right place? I see a couple people admit that it’s difficult and everyone else trying to rip them a new one for their honesty. I don’t see anyone here who’s jealous of their kid or doesn’t cheer them on. Do you have reading comprehension issues?

[Anonymous]

wow lets strive to get a PHD strivers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible childhood and I am giving my daughter an awesome childhood. It's very therapeutic.

I think the psychology term for it is "reparenting." You get to heal the wounds from your past by making it right the next time around.

So, my kid is better than me. It's a wonder to experience.

Same for me! My kid is incredibly smart, driven, athletic and pleasant. I wasn't like that due in part to a chaotic childhood, My parents did not have good upbringings but they did better for us, even if it still wasn't great. We improved upon that. There is nothing on earth that makes me happier than my son. I am so proud of both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either way - how is it for you as a parent? Any way you fill ill-equipped? Or no big deal?

We are equal in looks, popularity, etc. we are VERY different in ambition and drive. I have it coming out of my ears since birth. I was the 2 year old who potty trained myself and against my parents advice went for the PhD and insisted on a spouse that had the same. My kid is very gifted and can do so much - but she’d rather sit around and whine. Yes, I fundamentally don’t get it. I’m so ill equipped to deal with it. She is also model gorgeous and lacks people skills so struggles socially. I struggled some socially too, but I was able to have a solid group of friends and a high school boyfriend. DD goes for the “kids who won’t reject her” - basically kids who want to use her, use drugs, or have other severe social problems.

OP - to answer your question- I am so ill equipped. I keep trying and failing ever day. I won’t give up, but I’m not winning any parenting awards.

You are obnoxious. Why are you making the comparison at all. She is not you.

[Anonymous]

Equal in looks lolz