AITA? Grandparent gifting edition

[Anonymous]

So MIL has always asked us what to do for our kids' birthdays, Christmas, etc. gift wise. Fast forward to now, one grandchild, mid teens, is set to go on a school related out of town trip next year.

The trip is costly, so I suggested to her that for their upcoming birthday a contribution (not the entire cost) would be appreciated. She called DH and let him know she thought it was weird I would ask this/ a money grab. Now there's tension between us. Was I out of line? To my knowledge, money is not an issue for her. This is so different from my grandparents and upbringing, who thought nothing of helping out on something like this.

[Anonymous]

Tacky to ask for money. Yes, you were out of line.

[Anonymous]

If you were planning to pay for the trip, then tacky to ask, b/c it's really a gift to you. Saying that kid might appreciate $ for souvenirs, or travel-related items, would have been better.

[Anonymous]

Sort of tacky to ask but even worse for MIL to go behind OP’s back to complain to the DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were planning to pay for the trip, then tacky to ask, b/c it's really a gift to you. Saying that kid might appreciate $ for souvenirs, or travel-related items, would have been better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Were you and DH supposed to pay for the whole trip, or was your son paying for it? To me that's the issue.

[Anonymous]

Yes you were out of line.

[Anonymous]

Did she ask for ideas and that was your suggestion? Or did you anticipate that she would ask and offered up the idea sort of out of the blue? I'm assuming the former. Yeah, it was reasonable of you to offer a suggestion since she asked but I probably wouldn't have posed it as helping you and your husband pay for the trip. I would have suggested spending money for the trip for souvenirs. But your MIL is a real pill for being such a touchy jerk about it. She complained to your husband knowing it would get back to you. She's a coward who can't address things head on. I'd start freezing her out. If you traditionally handle things like visits, gift buying, card sending, stop.

[Anonymous]

Op here - I guess perhaps it was tacky, looking back. We will be paying for the trip but part of the stuff from the travel company includes a social media donation link to put out to family members who might want to donate. MIL does not have social media, so I outright asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she ask for ideas and that was your suggestion? Or did you anticipate that she would ask and offered up the idea sort of out of the blue? I'm assuming the former. Yeah, it was reasonable of you to offer a suggestion since she asked but I probably wouldn't have posed it as helping you and your husband pay for the trip. I would have suggested spending money for the trip for souvenirs. But your MIL is a real pill for being such a touchy jerk about it. She complained to your husband knowing it would get back to you. She's a coward who can't address things head on. I'd start freezing her out. If you traditionally handle things like visits, gift buying, card sending, stop.

It was more anticipation that she would be asking, because she always does. But anyway, I agree with your thoughts on this and will start backing away from here on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she ask for ideas and that was your suggestion? Or did you anticipate that she would ask and offered up the idea sort of out of the blue? I'm assuming the former. Yeah, it was reasonable of you to offer a suggestion since she asked but I probably wouldn't have posed it as helping you and your husband pay for the trip. I would have suggested spending money for the trip for souvenirs. But your MIL is a real pill for being such a touchy jerk about it. She complained to your husband knowing it would get back to you. She's a coward who can't address things head on. I'd start freezing her out. If you traditionally handle things like visits, gift buying, card sending, stop.

It was more anticipation that she would be asking, because she always does. But anyway, I agree with your thoughts on this and will start backing away from here on.

What does your husband think? You could always just say, "Hey, I'm sorry if my birthday suggestion for Larlo was off-putting. I didn't intend to offend you."

I'm sure that will make her feel like a complete idiot and maybe make her mad for a while, but at least it will clear the air. Or your husband can try and smooth things over. I feel like this doesn't have to blow up if your relationship has been fine up until now.

[Anonymous]

It was wrong because you didn't wait for her to ask what to get the grandchild. You should use the apology mentioned above in 20:41.

[Anonymous]

As a grandparent, this forum just exhausts me. People just need to communicate better. It’s not that hard. OP, you did nothing wrong with the exception of your possible communication. Your MIL is also wrong for complaining.

[Anonymous]

Very tacky if she didn’t ask you for suggestions. Also, I view this type of thing as a gift to you, not your child since presumably you’d be paying for the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I guess perhaps it was tacky, looking back. We will be paying for the trip but part of the stuff from the travel company includes a social media donation link to put out to family members who might want to donate. MIL does not have social media, so I outright asked.

Gross and tacky.