Teen used my credit card w/o permission. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Young teen used my cc to purchase things online (Amazon and App store mostly) without asking. I had given her my card to sign up for a class online, and she must have written down the number, etc to use later. Sibling ended up ratting her out. DD has never done something like this before, at least that we know. Overall, she is a good student, plays multiple school sports and has a small group of close friends.

I continue to struggle with understanding why she did this and how she thought she would not "get caught."

She will be old enough this summer for a part time job and will be paying me back in full. However, I don't feel like she has truly learned from her mistake and do not get the sense that she regrets her actions. Has anyone been through something similar? Is this a common thing that teens think they can get away with?

[Anonymous]

What did she say OP?

If this was my kid she’d be getting a job now. Losing her after school activities. She can walk dogs and pick up shit but helm of my kid would be playing sports. And I’d made them tell the coaches why.

She’s not a good kid she stole a credit card knowingly!

I’d also enroll her this summer in a financial course . And yes she’s be working this summer as well. No more just camp or hanging work.

[Anonymous]

A friends kid did the same thing. Said she “ found the card in the kitchen and thought it was a gift card” Total BS, she knew the difference.
I’d totally make her pay you back all of it. I wouldn’t wait until the summer though. She needs to pay you back now, and give up the stuff she ordered too. If she doesn’t have the funds find jobs for her to do that she can earn money doing. Preferably when she would rather be doing other things. No phone until she’s paid you back.

[Anonymous]

Im not sure this warrants full freak out. Just ask her why? Tell her she is returning the items and/or paying you back. Set a stronger consequence for if there is a next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friends kid did the same thing. Said she “ found the card in the kitchen and thought it was a gift card” Total BS, she knew the difference.
I’d totally make her pay you back all of it. I wouldn’t wait until the summer though. She needs to pay you back now, and give up the stuff she ordered too. If she doesn’t have the funds find jobs for her to do that she can earn money doing. Preferably when she would rather be doing other things. No phone until she’s paid you back.

This.

Sometimes cards don't feel like real money to them. I would put her on a cash only system for a while.

[Anonymous]

How much total? I'd probably have a stern talk and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im not sure this warrants full freak out. Just ask her why? Tell her she is returning the items and/or paying you back. Set a stronger consequence for if there is a next time.

Her kid knowingly stole her credit card!

Yeah it’s a full freak out

Punishments should fit the crime she gets a dam job and pays op back no fun til age dies do the crime do the time

[Anonymous]

You posted this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much total? I'd probably have a stern talk and let it go.

Omg she’s 15 not a baby she knew she was stealing

OP raised a real winner criminal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much total? I'd probably have a stern talk and let it go.

Omg she’s 15 not a baby she knew she was stealing

OP raised a real winner criminal

Shows you have no kids

[Anonymous]

Yes she knows and needs to be punished. My 12yo son would not do this.

[Anonymous]

My ex has the kids DoorDash every single meal. He keeps no food in the house.

One night I was sitting on my porch and someone delivered $50 worth of chocolate crepes. My 13 year old had used my credit card (which I put on her phone for emergencies).

I don't think it was 100% innocent, in that I don't think she believed I would be totally OK with this. But she had a friend over who she might have been trying to impress. And it's totally normal to test boundaries at that age.

I didn't feel anything was needed beyond a conversation about the price of food, and how I could cook dinner for $20 that would make 8 servings, or she could DoorDash herself $50 worth of dessert. And what if her sister and I also spent $50 each on frivolous DoorDash every night, how much money would we spend per year? Did she think that was a reasonable or realistic budget for food?

It was a learning moment. She was sheepish. If she did it again I would have responded more punitively. And in her defense, her dad is teaching her that it is normal and OK to do something that isn't normal or OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You posted this before.

No, I did not. I just printed out all my statements yesterday and added up the totals. $2k
I feel sick.

The app store purchases were things like chatgpt+ and a study app. Amazon items ranged from room decor and organization to sports equipment and jewelry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friends kid did the same thing. Said she “ found the card in the kitchen and thought it was a gift card” Total BS, she knew the difference.
I’d totally make her pay you back all of it. I wouldn’t wait until the summer though. She needs to pay you back now, and give up the stuff she ordered too. If she doesn’t have the funds find jobs for her to do that she can earn money doing. Preferably when she would rather be doing other things. No phone until she’s paid you back.

This.

Sometimes cards don't feel like real money to them. I would put her on a cash only system for a while.

OP.
Thanks, I like the idea of cash only for awhile. Would you still give biweekly allowance or withhold as debt payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You posted this before.

No, I did not. I just printed out all my statements yesterday and added up the totals. $2k
I feel sick.

The app store purchases were things like chatgpt+ and a study app. Amazon items ranged from room decor and organization to sports equipment and jewelry.

How old is "young teen"? You need to come in very thickly over multiple days on what theft means. This same impulsive thrill could mean she shoplifts too. I would be checking all her stuff in her room. Do bag checks for a month when she gets home. Teach her that stealing from people is wrong. Teach her that stealing hurts people.