Did you tell your kids?

[Anonymous]

If divorced due to infidelity, how did you tell your kids?

[Anonymous]

My mom told me but I already suspected it so it didn't surprise me. I don't think my husband's kids know she had an affair even though she's with her AP many years later or she's rationalize it.

[Anonymous]

Your kids have nothing to do with. No reason to tell them. If you want to discuss when they are adults, fine.

[Anonymous]

There was nothing to tell. Kids and grandparents walked in on the happy couple doing it on the living room couch when they returned unexpectedly early from an event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids have nothing to do with. No reason to tell them. If you want to discuss when they are adults, fine.

This. Don’t emotionally dump on them. The reason for the divorce doesn’t matter and they shouldn’t be thinking and worrying about it. If they ask as adults, say what you want. But they likely would have put thongs together on their own by then anyhow

[Anonymous]

You don’t tell your kids this. My God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t tell your kids this. My God.

Why the pearl-clutching? If the kids are old enough to understand there’s no need to keep secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom told me but I already suspected it so it didn't surprise me. I don't think my husband's kids know she had an affair even though she's with her AP many years later or she's rationalize it.

WUT?

[Anonymous]

The AP texted my kids phone so…

I think it’s better they knew.

Instead of some unknown mysterious unknown they realized dad f’d up. It cause him the marriage. Life goes on but he f’d up so many thing. They learned to forgive and that parents aren’t perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids have nothing to do with. No reason to tell them. If you want to discuss when they are adults, fine.

This. Don’t emotionally dump on them. The reason for the divorce doesn’t matter and they shouldn’t be thinking and worrying about it. If they ask as adults, say what you want. But they likely would have put thongs together on their own by then anyhow

A lot of kids, particularly really sensitive ones, end up blaming themselves for problems with their parents.

From that point of view I wonder if it's better to not be too elusive about the reasons, still without spelling everything out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was nothing to tell. Kids and grandparents walked in on the happy couple doing it on the living room couch when they returned unexpectedly early from an event.

Cheater's parents or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was nothing to tell. Kids and grandparents walked in on the happy couple doing it on the living room couch when they returned unexpectedly early from an event.

Cheater's parents or no?

No, the other set. Cheater’s parents sided 100% with their son.

[Anonymous]

My parents decided to tell the older kids but not the youngest. Don’t do that. All the kids can handle age appropriate messaging with a trained therapist.

This is not an AI wing it day in your family. Seek counsel from trained family therapists.

[Anonymous]

My kid told me. So that was fun.

[Anonymous]

Marriage builders says you need to tell everyone if you are staying or divorcing. It is a crucial step to help the wayward spouse become a person with integrity and finally integrate the person they are with the person they pretend to be.

You don’t have to emotionally dump on them to tell them the factual truth about the divorce. It gives them a lesson in the consequences of actions in life.