Gifts from estranged parents?

[Anonymous]

How do you handle the boxes of gifts or cards full of money that your kids receive from their grandparents/your estranged parents? I received an expected delivery email and I suspect it’s from my parents for my kids. At the beginning of the estrangement, when we were still low contact and I thought maybe we could work it out, they sent gifts at the kids’ birthdays, but I’ll admit it felt a little gross to give them to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Make up with your parents.

[Anonymous]

It belongs to your kid, you have to give it to them.

[Anonymous]

Give it to the kids, unless you think there's something inappropriate about the gift.
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that I withheld their grandparents from them, so I leave that door open so my kids can see the truth about the relationship themselves.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how old the kids are and how well they know the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It belongs to your kid, you have to give it to them.

1000% wrong.

The parents have and should exert control in this situation. Parents have complete control over what is given to their kids. Anyone could send your kid anything. As a parent, you should check that stuff.

Amazon was great for gifts for kids because we always got the packing slip with the list of items in the wrapped/bagged gift and we could look it up and see if it was appropriate. My estranged in laws sent inappropriate stuff all the time. My nanny gave my kids one toy we put away and the kid choked on it and didn't die because my mom was there and dealt with the issue.

I wouldn't make a scene as in don't send it back. Just don't acknowledge it and do what you want. Give it to your kids later or donate or throw away. You don't have to tell your kids who it is from.

[Anonymous]

It's not yours.
You have your children call them and thank them .. or send them a thank you card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's not yours.
You have your children call them and thank them .. or send them a thank you card.

Wrong. Parents have every right to control what other people give their kids. I would never send or have my kids send a thank you card to an estranged family member. They need to work to make the relationship right with the adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's not yours.
You have your children call them and thank them .. or send them a thank you card.

No estranged grandparents don’t get to pretend they can side step the parents. If you are such a jerk that your children are estranged from you then by definition you are losing all access to grandchildren. You are entitled to zero access and interaction. No, this is not unfair to the grandchildren at all. It’s the protecting them from horrible people.

[Anonymous]

It depends why and how you're estranged. I cut off contact with my mother for a brief period of time, years ago. If she had sent something to the children during that period, I would not have minded at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's not yours.
You have your children call them and thank them .. or send them a thank you card.

No estranged grandparents don’t get to pretend they can side step the parents. If you are such a jerk that your children are estranged from you then by definition you are losing all access to grandchildren. You are entitled to zero access and interaction. No, this is not unfair to the grandchildren at all. It’s the protecting them from horrible people.

and often the parents are protecting their children from dangerous or inappropriate gifts. My idiots in law who loved to go on cruises would send the free crap they were given on their cruises in a non padded envelope to us for holidays/birthdays. My kids were sent broken plastic cups, small keychain type things and other trash that was entirely inappropriate for 2 year olds. Another idiot in law insisted upon buying our kids their first trikes and insisted on a certain model which she liked despite the fact that even on Amazon people were giving bad reviews with safety complaints.They were recalled before we received them.

My inlaws, who were idiots about children, insisted on all types of inappropriate things and they thought like the fool above that we were REQUIRED to do whatever they told us. One of my inlaws thought it would be appropriate to take 2 year olds on a cruise with them and admitted they wouldn't be spending time with them. They thought the cruise line offered babysitting where they could drop them for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it to the kids, unless you think there's something inappropriate about the gift.
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that I withheld their grandparents from them, so I leave that door open so my kids can see the truth about the relationship themselves.

I disagree. My kids are adults now and never felt like we "withheld" their grandparents from them. Over time there was enough incidental contact that they saw how awful these people are.

[Anonymous]

Too bad these grandparents don’t even care.
Do whatever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's not yours.
You have your children call them and thank them .. or send them a thank you card.

No estranged grandparents don’t get to pretend they can side step the parents. If you are such a jerk that your children are estranged from you then by definition you are losing all access to grandchildren. You are entitled to zero access and interaction. No, this is not unfair to the grandchildren at all. It’s the protecting them from horrible people.

My estranged parents sidestepped me by going through my ex to reach the grandkids. Ex was abusive. This is actually the reason for why I’m estranged from my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to the kids, unless you think there's something inappropriate about the gift.
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that I withheld their grandparents from them, so I leave that door open so my kids can see the truth about the relationship themselves.

I disagree. My kids are adults now and never felt like we "withheld" their grandparents from them. Over time there was enough incidental contact that they saw how awful these people are.

I think we're closer to the same page than you think. The incidental contact allowed them to see for themselves.