Advice on how to motivate/redirect DC after being rejected from their ED 1st choice?

[Anonymous]

Any tips or experience on how to manage this well from parents who have gone through this with their 1st child in a previous year, or going through it now?

Any ideas on how to keep DC encouraged, positive, and think clearly about the rest of their college list? Especially when DC is already feeling tired, burned out from a tough term?

[Anonymous]

Following...

I am conditioning DC for not setting expectation high when ED decision comes out tomorrow. Told her to assume the decision is a rejection, and keep working on her midterms. She pretty much moved all her application related work to the winder break, focusing on midterms now.

[Anonymous]

Give them a day or two to feel the disappointment- do something with them that they like, movie, Christmas tree decorating something other than apps. But then remind them of the things they like about other schools on their list, there had to be some things that tugged at them, some commonalities. Watch some videos of the schools- do some research on classes/profs in their major (they need details for “why is” essays anyway. Then look through the supplemental for their RD schools with them- this is about organzing the essays by topics. It helps a lot to think about them in subject categories, and tackle them as such, ie need “why major” in a 250 word version and 400 word version; etc. Help them see if as bite sized

[Anonymous]

I’d help out where you can. It’s a lot to manage.

Organize a google doc with all RD schools (create tabs on left hand side of Google doc with school names/prompts/draft essays); help them create a manageable process?

Search “application review” here and consider hiring a professional if a T25 to see what can be improved in the app.

[Anonymous]

I let my kid pick a day to skip school and he worked on apps. I WFH so edited while he worked and honestly, by the end of that day, he was in good shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give them a day or two to feel the disappointment- do something with them that they like, movie, Christmas tree decorating something other than apps. But then remind them of the things they like about other schools on their list, there had to be some things that tugged at them, some commonalities. Watch some videos of the schools- do some research on classes/profs in their major (they need details for “why is” essays anyway. Then look through the supplemental for their RD schools with them- this is about organzing the essays by topics. It helps a lot to think about them in subject categories, and tackle them as such, ie need “why major” in a 250 word version and 400 word version; etc. Help them see if as bite sized

I second all this advice. And I'll add that although my DD approached the "why us" essays begrudgingly (and tried to rationalize out of even applying to several schools on her planned list in the target/safety range when it came time to do more supplementals), researching and writing the "why us" essays turned her on to the schools again. By the time she finished them she had convinced even herself!

[Anonymous]

When this happened to my dd, it helped that several friends with near perfect applications were also rejected that week. We’re about to get into the highly rejective ED/SCEA releases and there will likely be plenty of company if this happens to your dc. We also focused on researching and getting excited about the EA places she’d already gotten into. A week or two later she moved a school to ed2 and given that we were almost in Jan, it was a quick turnaround to acceptance. She ultimately ended up feeling that the ed2 school was the much better fit while I’m still giving stink eye to the first choice school. In some ways it may be almost as hard on the parents because we don’t like our kids to suffer a gut punch but can’t protect them from this process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I let my kid pick a day to skip school and he worked on apps. I WFH so edited while he worked and honestly, by the end of that day, he was in good shape.

No absolutely no

You edited then your kid is not ready for college

Parents are ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I let my kid pick a day to skip school and he worked on apps. I WFH so edited while he worked and honestly, by the end of that day, he was in good shape.

No absolutely no

You edited then your kid is not ready for college

Parents are ridiculous

oh stop, sanctimommy.

we all do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips or experience on how to manage this well from parents who have gone through this with their 1st child in a previous year, or going through it now?

Any ideas on how to keep DC encouraged, positive, and think clearly about the rest of their college list? Especially when DC is already feeling tired, burned out from a tough term?

Why yes, had to do that a few years ago with my one kid.

First (it might be too late for this), you should have set expectations along the way that the ED and all REACHES are just that---reaches for everyone (unless your last name is gates/bezos/etc). So it's fine to have a top choice (or choices) but know that the reality is, 85-95%+ are going to get rejected. that means top students/good choice kids get rejected. So focus on your entire list---what are your top targets and safeties, why does your kid like them, and what do they offer.

For my kid, they were "deferred" from their ED1 (top 10 school) and really wanted to hear, so they chose not to do any ED2, and were ultimately "rejected".
But it helped that A) they had their top safety EA acceptance few days later, and B) one of their top 3 targets EA before Xmas. So they had 2 amazing choices they liked shortly after the ED deferral.

Also, we allowed them to "mope around and be moody about the deferral" but only for 24-36 hours. We helped them focus on all their other choices and which RD applications now needed to be completed/submitted. It's not healthy to spend weeks being depressed about rejection at a school with single digit acceptance rates (or maybe 12-15% acceptance rates for ED after you consider rich alumni and athletes). But what helped the most was having prepared them for reality that reaches mean 85-95%+ of highly qualified applicants get rejected, so focus on what you control, and have great targets and safeties so you will still be happy

[Anonymous]

Moms, facing an ED rejection, would you go through a strategy review/re-alignment? Meeting with a counselor to adjust RD list?

[Anonymous]

Also, we allowed them to "mope around and be moody about the deferral" but only for 24-36 hours. We helped them focus on all their other choices and which RD applications now needed to be completed/submitted. It's not healthy to spend weeks being depressed about rejection at a school with single digit acceptance rates (or maybe 12-15% acceptance rates for ED after you consider rich alumni and athletes).

But what helped the most was having prepared them for reality that reaches mean 85-95%+ of highly qualified applicants get rejected, so focus on what you control, and have great targets and safeties so you will still be happy

I still remember my dad coming to talk to me while I was heartbroken in my room when he got home from work the day I was rejected from my top choice college. He said something sympathetic, and then something like, "Take a couple of days to feel as sad as you do about this, and then we'll start looking at your other options." I'm quite sure that my mom sent him to talk to me and he was not usually one to acknowledge emotions, but he somehow struck just the right tone with this message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms, facing an ED rejection, would you go through a strategy review/re-alignment? Meeting with a counselor to adjust RD list?

Yes, we did do that review and realignment. We did some repositioning.
ED1 deferral (T10)
Focused on schools with the best alignment (mission, values, and where the app process seemed to value kids' strengths).
In RD, admitted Ivy (now there) and rejected from T10.

It was a LOT of work over winter break. A good application takes a lot of TIME. And letting it sit, and revisiting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I let my kid pick a day to skip school and he worked on apps. I WFH so edited while he worked and honestly, by the end of that day, he was in good shape.

No absolutely no

You edited then your kid is not ready for college

Parents are ridiculous

oh stop, sanctimommy.

we all do it.

No we don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms, facing an ED rejection, would you go through a strategy review/re-alignment? Meeting with a counselor to adjust RD list?

Good luck with that. Both my kid’s school and private counselor have told us their holiday break starts 12/15, amd they won’t be reviewing anything after that.