Advice on how to motivate/redirect DC after being rejected from their ED 1st choice?

[Anonymous]

I'm personally telling my kid: If they don't appreciate you, you don't want them.

She's an amazing person and candidate. If her ED school has other priorities or doesn't see what a catch she is, screw them. Many other schools will be fighting over her.

For her particular ED school, our school's Scoir data shows that when kids are deferred they don't wind up getting in. And her GPA is already perfect, so her first semester senior grades are not going to make a difference. So if she's deferred my advice will be to send a short LOCI and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms, facing an ED rejection, would you go through a strategy review/re-alignment? Meeting with a counselor to adjust RD list?

Yes, we did do that review and realignment. We did some repositioning.
ED1 deferral (T10)
Focused on schools with the best alignment (mission, values, and where the app process seemed to value kids' strengths).
In RD, admitted Ivy (now there) and rejected from T10.

It was a LOT of work over winter break. A good application takes a lot of TIME. And letting it sit, and revisiting it.

Yes. My older one was deferred EA from her top choice which had been expected to be a safety. It was COVID times and decisions were all over the map. She poured in applications to every credible school she'd heard of that had her desired major (which was somewhat niche, so there were not a ton of them). By the time RD came around for the former top choice, she'd been accepted to a ton of schools that were better ranked for her major and with reflection a better fit for her. She'll be graduating next year from the number 1 ranked school for her program and had an absolute blast in college. As the great southern philosopher, Garth Brooks, once said: Some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm personally telling my kid: If they don't appreciate you, you don't want them.

She's an amazing person and candidate. If her ED school has other priorities or doesn't see what a catch she is, screw them. Many other schools will be fighting over her.

For her particular ED school, our school's Scoir data shows that when kids are deferred they don't wind up getting in. And her GPA is already perfect, so her first semester senior grades are not going to make a difference. So if she's deferred my advice will be to send a short LOCI and then move on.

I like this advice! Screw them indeed.

[Anonymous]

The whole purpose of submitting an impossible ED1 is to get outraged, galvanized and motivated for RD application season when the ED1 rejection comes.

[Anonymous]

Our child was really down for 2 or so days after their ED rejection even tho we all knew it was a long shot. It was exacerbated by everyone posting that they did get in to their ED and no one posting that they didn’t-so she felt like she was the only one. Eventually talking to other kids and realizing that she wasn’t alone did help. We tried to do a fun family day that weekend to distract (only mildly worked). Eventually she picked herself back up, got working on the other apps and realized she was happier not having gotten in/she was caught up on name and prestige and not necessarily fit.

[Anonymous]

I remember saying —when she was ready, which wasn’t right away — “now you don’t have to be afraid of rejection anymore. You’ve experienced it, and felt it, and know that life goes on and that you’re okay on the other side.” I wasn’t just saying that to make her feel better. Rejection stings for sure. But it is weirdly kind of a gift if you look at it in a certain light.

[Anonymous]

It is very important to remember, this not a "personal" rejection, I don't understand the "screw you" responses, they seem very unsophisticated and basic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I let my kid pick a day to skip school and he worked on apps. I WFH so edited while he worked and honestly, by the end of that day, he was in good shape.

No absolutely no

You edited then your kid is not ready for college

Parents are ridiculous

What???? everyone needs an editor. Newspapers have copy editors, I spend about 10% of my time as a manager editing things my team members write and when I write the first draft I ask one of them to look at it with fresh eyes.

Exactly this -- in the workplace you all have multiple eyes on a document. Editing is not the same as doing for... someone needs to look for typos, missing words, grammar issues because its easy for eyes to glaze over. Even the most seasoned authors have editors.

+1 and in college, both my kids have said their professors urge them, and in some classes require them, to go to the writing center for help with editing. Sending out an important piece of writing without anyone else looking at it is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very important to remember, this not a "personal" rejection, I don't understand the "screw you" responses, they seem very unsophisticated and basic.

I mean, it is somewhat personal. They're looking at your grades (which represent years of work), scores, essays, multiple recommendations speaking to your personality. I'm not saying that if you don't get in, it means they don't like you at all or you're not worthy. But they didn't like you *enough* to let you in; how can you not take that away from a rejection?

[Anonymous]

Is there any way other than school-specific SCOIR or Naviance data to determine what percentage of ED deferrals end up admitted in RD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way other than school-specific SCOIR or Naviance data to determine what percentage of ED deferrals end up admitted in RD?

You can search the blogs of some of the more famous college consultants? List the school in a new thread (or search here)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way other than school-specific SCOIR or Naviance data to determine what percentage of ED deferrals end up admitted in RD?

I think ChatGPT helps, but I've heard that the rule of thumb is about 5-10%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its better to have the "no" now than be put in the RD round or waitlist, its conclusive.

My DD got a "no" from Oxford on the basis of her application, she didn't even get an interview. In some ways she was quite relieved that the pressure was off early. And she was very motivated by the subjects she had chosen to apply for elsewhere.

I hope your kid finds their way through it OP.

Agree. Friend’s child was strung along by Princeton most of last school year. Would have been so much kinder to cut them loose from the start.

How were they "strung along by Princeton"? They were deferred? Were they a legacy kid?

[Anonymous]

Most people (especially teens) aren’t motivated by a combination of good things. They are more likely to be motivated by one special thing that really strikes something deep inside. Find one thing about each school remaining on the list, & accentuate that so they get fixated on it. It could be the weather. Or the beautiful campus. Or the adjacent city. Or the sports teams. Or proximity to skiing or beaches.

[Anonymous]

I got fixated on Georgetown once upon a time. Went to a nearby university instead. It wasn't until I did a GU grad program and hated it that I got over my Georgetown thing.

It might not be possible to get the kid over it. I'd just work on making the rest of their life good and show them the upsides of their next possible choice.