Weird evolution of recently rich friend
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Anonymous
| How do you handle it when a friend changes dramatically due to change in life circumstances? Basically her husband's business took off, which is wonderful, but she has become a different person - constantly talking about what they are buying, spending, traveling, doing to their house, where they are buying another vacation house, how many tennis lessons she has this week to fill the hours while kids are at school, what her plans are for plastic surgery, her recent botox and filler, her new favorite place to order designer workout gear, etc etc. I know you will think I am just jealous and fair enough - it would be wonderful to never have to worry about money or working again but this is different. I feel like I have essentially lost a dear friend because she never talks about anything real or relatable, and when I try to share the types of conversation and interaction we used to enjoy together, she always manages to bring the conversation back to what they are buying/spending/doing. It is exhausting and makes me sad. I'm not sure whether is is worth being honest about feeling distant, or trying to salvage the friendship, or just let it go? I don't know if it is a phase or just her new personality. Has anyone been through something like this with a friend? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like she's moving on. |
Anonymous
| I don’t see how this can last. She will get new friends who can relate. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m sorry, OP. This sounds like someone I would quietly let go of. |
Anonymous
| I think it depends on how recently rich she is. If this has been going on for 5 years I think the friendship has run its course. If it's been less than 2 years, the fact is that managing all that money is probably taking up most of her mental energy (I know if I was in the process of buying a vacation house I would be thinking about it all the time). |
Anonymous
| She's acting like the stereotype of "new money" and quite honestly sounds insufferable. I think this relationship has run its course. |
Anonymous
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I experienced something similar when a neighborhood friend who moved away and into a more exclusive neighborhood with her rich new husband. Suddenly, overnight, she thought she was better than me.
It hurt a lot at first, and I was almost embarrassed by my own circumstances. Then I realized that her behavior said more about her than it could ever say about me. She’s insecure in her new reality. I dropped her, and it hurt, but I couldn’t carry that around. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like, depending on who she is, it could be a phase or it could be who she is letting herself become. I agree with 12:50 that I'd react depending on how long this has been going on. If it's several months I'd be inclined to give it time, especially if you truly value the friendship.
And like 12:57 says, this behavior is about her, not you. |
Anonymous
Yes! This happened with my MIL when she married up. Suddenly all she could talk about was her big house and fancy car and how her new husband didn’t care what she spent money on, because he could afford it. It became a trademark— He Can Afford It!™️ It was so clear to me that she was trying to convince everyone that she belonged where she was. It’s absolutely insecurity. |
Anonymous
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My friend made it big and started running around with a stadium suite/private jet/private island crowd. I see her when she is bored or when those friends have other obligations. It’s pretty weird and I don’t relate to most of her life anymore.
I can’t even say the right casual comments. The other day she was talking about their new pool and how much the kids are enjoying it and I said that you know it’s a good summer when kids smell like chlorine all the time. Totally deadpan, she goes “it’s saltwater, of course.” Oops. |
Anonymous
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Her behavior indicates she was never a true friend, only a friendship which at the time was convenient for her.
She is on a “money high” at the moment, burning through her husband’s income like a wildfire. If this displeases him too much he may dump her. Your friend, like a deflating hot air balloon, will come back to earth and reality. Even if she returns to normal, a part of you will be forever on guard for future flakiness. |
Anonymous
| Watch Bridesmaids. Over and over and over. |
Anonymous
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This is me in the other side. My husband and I laddered up and had rented for years due to frequent moves. We finally bought a dream home and I was so excited to share the ongoing renovations with my friend. I was also shocked at the prices of some of the things we were buying and shared how crazy it was!
She came to visit and saw my house and that just did us in. The next time I visited her, she asked me to stop talking about money and I readily agreed. A week later,through text, she accused me of bragging to make others feel bad and that I did it on purpose even after I had stopped talking about the house! This whole thing was a combination of her insecurities and jealousy. I genuinely wanted to share my experiences with her and was so excited to finally own again and never meant to upset her or brag. I would hope that you would talk to her and give her a fair chance and tell her how you feel. She genuinely might not know how it is affecting you. If she continues to swing the conversations to her and what she has AFTER your talk, I’d move on with my friendship. I will be honest and say that it’s a difficult position for you both though so this will work only if the friendship has a solid base. |
Anonymous
Nobody wants to hear about your renovations, friend or otherwise. It’s great that you’re excited about it, but keep the details to yourself unless someone has specifically asked. |
Anonymous
| I was raised to understand that it is never polite to talk about money/spending or flaunt wealth. It is very tacky/“new money” to act this way. |