Weird evolution of recently rich friend

[Anonymous]

Whenever a friend starts talking about something financial I just say I'm happy for you. I hope you enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it wouldn't bother me either. You got to be happy with yourself no matter how much more money someone else may have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me in the other side. My husband and I laddered up and had rented for years due to frequent moves. We finally bought a dream home and I was so excited to share the ongoing renovations with my friend. I was also shocked at the prices of some of the things we were buying and shared how crazy it was!
She came to visit and saw my house and that just did us in. The next time I visited her, she asked me to stop talking about money and I readily agreed. A week later,through text, she accused me of bragging to make others feel bad and that I did it on purpose even after I had stopped talking about the house!
This whole thing was a combination of her insecurities and jealousy. I genuinely wanted to share my experiences with her and was so excited to finally own again and never meant to upset her or brag.
I would hope that you would talk to her and give her a fair chance and tell her how you feel. She genuinely might not know how it is affecting you. If she continues to swing the conversations to her and what she has AFTER your talk, I’d move on with my friendship.
I will be honest and say that it’s a difficult position for you both though so this will work only if the friendship has a solid base.

Nobody wants to hear about your renovations, friend or otherwise. It’s great that you’re excited about it, but keep the details to yourself unless someone has specifically asked.

This. It's boring unless you are looking at tile together or something. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend made it big and started running around with a stadium suite/private jet/private island crowd. I see her when she is bored or when those friends have other obligations. It’s pretty weird and I don’t relate to most of her life anymore.

I can’t even say the right casual comments. The other day she was talking about their new pool and how much the kids are enjoying it and I said that you know it’s a good summer when kids smell like chlorine all the time. Totally deadpan, she goes “it’s saltwater, of course.” Oops.

Today on things that literally never happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

This is somewhat true . . . but more perceptive rich people also know that such "normal conversation" depends on who is the other party in that conversation. Her friend may need time to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

Love how you think anyone outside this type of world is “poor.” You sound like such a kind and interesting person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

It is tiresome to talk only about material things, regardless of income. My brother and SIL are much more well off than the rest of us, but we talk about family, work, entertainment, the news, books, health, pets, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

It is tiresome to talk only about material things, regardless of income. My brother and SIL are much more well off than the rest of us, but we talk about family, work, entertainment, the news, books, health, pets, etc.

Even those can be conversational avenues to money.
Health - we loooove our concierge doctor. Do you want her number?
Books - I buy so many books now. I think I’ve had time to read only one I’ve been sooo busy with the remodel. Hey but at least our living room bookshelves look nice and full
Pets - I know ‘adopt don’t shop’ but we love our breeder. $7k later and we love our little Sam. He is so spoiled. We got him his own doggy house but it’s his ‘style,’ you want to see it, it’s adorable. Just don’t mind the pool construction as we walk past.

[Anonymous]

I'm on the other side of this and it's harder than you think. People talk about their houses and what they're doing and buying all the time. But they often hang out in economically homogenous groups where nobody notices anything grating about that.

It's good practice to stop, but it takes some adjusting. I'm a person who just kind of gabs, and I had to really learn to filter myself better.

Hopefully my friends know I'm still a good friend who cares about them and it's probably worth giving me a bit of a pass on the renovation talk. We all go through life phases where we're annoying in some way. It could be worse, I could have joined a church and kept talking about that. Or gotten into vitamins or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way around this is to get real. Real talk. Rich people struggle with raising their kids, they bicker with their husbands, they grieve a parent's decline, they wonder about the future: politics, environment, how technology will change our culture, philosophical conversations about what life is all about.

You can talk to anyone if you ditch small talk and dig deep.

This is so true, small talk is the hardest part especially with acquaintances. I can make small talk with a stranger, no problem. The biggest minefield is the soccer sideline. Because a group of parents will small talk about a lot of things that cost money.

[Anonymous]

The times I feel someone doesn't want to be a good friend is when they intentionally withhold information from me about their lives. If I am indeed a close friend, they should want to tell me about their vacation, the journey deciding on their new car, renovation, or whatever.

If they think so little of me or think I have vast insecurities, for me, that's a friendship-killer more than whatever subject it is they talk about. I don't want their life. Why would I want their life? I have my life. If they don't see the good and what's interesting in my life, why would I be friends with them. Ditto if they talk too much about themselves without a balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy one-upping others, especially when it comes to money. Maybe the friend is just going through an adjustment stage and will settle down. But maybe not.

I'd give it some time and if it doesn't change, I'd slowly fade.

It's only one-upping to the insecure and frankly, poor. To the rich it's just a normal conversation. Rich people do in fact casually talk about big time real estate purchases, rebuilds, renovations... pricey luxury vacations... how their new 2025 911 Porsche is subtly so much better than the 2023 model they traded in.

It is tiresome to talk only about material things, regardless of income. My brother and SIL are much more well off than the rest of us, but we talk about family, work, entertainment, the news, books, health, pets, etc.

Even those can be conversational avenues to money.
Health - we loooove our concierge doctor. Do you want her number?
Books - I buy so many books now. I think I’ve had time to read only one I’ve been sooo busy with the remodel. Hey but at least our living room bookshelves look nice and full
Pets - I know ‘adopt don’t shop’ but we love our breeder. $7k later and we love our little Sam. He is so spoiled. We got him his own doggy house but it’s his ‘style,’ you want to see it, it’s adorable. Just don’t mind the pool construction as we walk past.

I'm the PP and you're right that these topics can be an avenue to conversations about money. Fortunately my brother and SIL discuss the contents of the books and have rescue dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle it when a friend changes dramatically due to change in life circumstances? Basically her husband's business took off, which is wonderful, but she has become a different person - constantly talking about what they are buying, spending, traveling, doing to their house, where they are buying another vacation house, how many tennis lessons she has this week to fill the hours while kids are at school, what her plans are for plastic surgery, her recent botox and filler, her new favorite place to order designer workout gear, etc etc. I know you will think I am just jealous and fair enough - it would be wonderful to never have to worry about money or working again but this is different. I feel like I have essentially lost a dear friend because she never talks about anything real or relatable, and when I try to share the types of conversation and interaction we used to enjoy together, she always manages to bring the conversation back to what they are buying/spending/doing. It is exhausting and makes me sad. I'm not sure whether is is worth being honest about feeling distant, or trying to salvage the friendship, or just let it go? I don't know if it is a phase or just her new personality. Has anyone been through something like this with a friend?

These people are so boring