I'm so tired of the adult female friendship dance

[Anonymous]

Anyone else?
My high school friends are scattered and a few have splintered off with time, which is normal, I suppose. Ditto college. We mainly communicate via memes or some text threads.
The adult friends I made in my 20s all are now busy with families, me included; seems there's never a great time to meet up, and some have moved.
I love my neighborhood and have cultivated some solid friendships there, originally through my kids, but the guesswork sucks. I don't want to come off as too aggressive or needy, so I limit invites or texts. I thought I clicked with one person -- but several hangouts later, they basically ghosted and stopped reciprocating, our text thread went dormant, and...poof.
Anyone else in this boat? I just feel low-level stressed and somewhat lonely as a middle-aged mom.

[Anonymous]

Completely in this boat.
My sister is overseas, old friends all over and we don't have much in common anymore.
New friends are all sort of non-committal, we will have coffee every so often but no time for more. They seem to have plenty of time for other families. My husband is super introverted so that may be part of it.
I keep doing affirmations that my people are out there.

[Anonymous]

I think there are many of us in this same boat, especially in this area. Either you are a social climber or you are not and if you are not, you will struggle here. There's too many rules here and one simple "mistake" will oust you.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I am so tired of dodging invites. I refuse something and the friend goes ‘well what about next weekend’ ugh take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t you a member of a country club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I am so tired of dodging invites. I refuse something and the friend goes ‘well what about next weekend’ ugh take a hint.

Why not just be honest instead of making someone guess as you dodge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I am so tired of dodging invites. I refuse something and the friend goes ‘well what about next weekend’ ugh take a hint.

Haha, this is me too. I see the people I consider close friends about once a month.

[Anonymous]

It took me a long time to make close "mom friends." I made those connections mostly through volunteering at DCs' schools, but I had to endure a lot of "moms' night out" kind of dreck to figure out who my people were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t you a member of a country club?

Oh yes, that's exactly where one finds true and authentic friends.

[Anonymous]

So just stop. No one is forcing friendship upon you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just stop. No one is forcing friendship upon you.

I think most people crave friendship to some degree. This is not an unusual feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else?
My high school friends are scattered and a few have splintered off with time, which is normal, I suppose. Ditto college. We mainly communicate via memes or some text threads.
The adult friends I made in my 20s all are now busy with families, me included; seems there's never a great time to meet up, and some have moved.
I love my neighborhood and have cultivated some solid friendships there, originally through my kids, but the guesswork sucks. I don't want to come off as too aggressive or needy, so I limit invites or texts. I thought I clicked with one person -- but several hangouts later, they basically ghosted and stopped reciprocating, our text thread went dormant, and...poof.
Anyone else in this boat? I just feel low-level stressed and somewhat lonely as a middle-aged mom.

It gets worse once your kids leave school.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. I have a small handful of women I feel true friendship with, but I can only handle one-on-one togethers and it’s usually something active like a long walk or a run.

I don’t do group meetups anymore. The dynamics are too complex in multiple ways. For me, social media plus Covid years plus late 40s general malaise has killed my desire to go out in public with a group of women. Even ones I actually like.

[Anonymous]

Umar Haque writes that friendship is a liability in a disintegrating society. Friends have needs. No one has the time to invest in other people. The US is an every man for himself society. DC is even worse in this respect. Why do you think Truman advised getting a dog if you wanted a friend in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. I have a small handful of women I feel true friendship with, but I can only handle one-on-one togethers and it’s usually something active like a long walk or a run.

I don’t do group meetups anymore. The dynamics are too complex in multiple ways. For me, social media plus Covid years plus late 40s general malaise has killed my desire to go out in public with a group of women. Even ones I actually like.

I agree with you. I had a close friend and we would always do park meet uups, coffee and so on. Now every time she texts me it's for some large group gathering with her new friends and I can't stand at least half of them. I feel like I'm not important enough for her to mark out time for just me anymore!