Easter and atheist MIL?

[Anonymous]

I am Christian and my family celebrates Easter in a big way. My nieces and nephews all have spring break that falls over Easter so they come in to town, and everyone spends the day together in a big way. My DH is completely on board. This is our second year since having a baby, and now MIL (FIL is deceased) wants us/me to change our/my plans to accommodate her. The thing is, we have invited her to spend the day with my family. We attend church and then after there is an egg hunt, which our DC will enjoy for the first time this year, and then we go back to our house and have dinner, play games, etc. MIL refuses to come along because she’s atheist, and says it makes her uncomfortable. She’s very vocal about being anti-religion. She’s very upset we won’t “give” her this Easter with DC since we had last year. The offer stood last year and it stands this year. She’s currently guilt tripping DH in a major way right now and we both wonder what to do.

[Anonymous]

Easter is the biggest holiday in the Christian calendar. Your DH needs to tell her that the three of you will be celebrating that holiday and she is welcome to join but you aren’t going to spend a holiday with her and then not even celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Do Easter your way and pick another day to accommodate MIL. Since she’s not religious, Easter means nothing to her but family does. You can make both work.

And FWIW, we can all participate in the traditions and celebrations of others regardless of our beliefs. Having common beliefs beyond kindness and love for family is irrelevant. It is a choice to turn this into conflict.

[Anonymous]

Why is your atheist MIL insisting to have time on a religious holiday that you observe? This is really weird.

No, you don't owe the time to her. And your DH needs to support this big time.

What was your discussion about religion going into the marriage? Neither DH nor I are particularly religious, and we grew up in very different religions. Still, culturally my family's religion is important to the way I grew up, while his family's is not. He accommodates our religious traditions always...because it's also just our family traditions.

[Anonymous]

Insane that she wants to celebrate a holiday with you that she doesn't believe in? Why this day specifically. That is nuts. It is like a Jewish MIL mad she doesn't get your kids on Christmas when you celebrate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your atheist MIL insisting to have time on a religious holiday that you observe? This is really weird.

No, you don't owe the time to her. And your DH needs to support this big time.

What was your discussion about religion going into the marriage? Neither DH nor I are particularly religious, and we grew up in very different religions. Still, culturally my family's religion is important to the way I grew up, while his family's is not. He accommodates our religious traditions always...because it's also just our family traditions.

That’s weird to force him to do your traditions and not do his. Very weird.

[Anonymous]

Your mother-in-law is completely out of line. This is first and foremost, a religious holiday. You and your family of origin, celebrate it as such, and you, your husband, and your child will also celebrate it as such. She is free to participate on those terms or not. But to expect you to change The way you observe a religious holiday, when the religious aspect is important to you, seems like the height of entitlement and insensitivity. And I say this as a complete atheist.

[Anonymous]

This is a power play, not a religion issue.

My husband is atheist and doesn't have any problems joining a loosely religious celebration turned secular get-together. He's attended Christian, Buddhist and Jewish services with relatives and friends.

She sounds like she's just throwing her weight about, demanding you sacrifice something of value to you, just to assert power in the relationship. Kind of like Trump. Which I highly encourage you not to do. Keep telling her she's invited.

[Anonymous]

What a manipulative narcicisst. She must pop your easter holiday balloon - THAT must be HER day this year, not Jesus's, not your child's. Oh brother.

Do not give in to a terrorist. Keep your healthy boundaries.

Sorry, Easter is a special holiday for our family and little Larla, she can visit with you the weekend afterwards if you are free.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a manipulative narcicisst. She must pop your easter holiday balloon - THAT must be HER day this year, not Jesus's, not your child's. Oh brother.

Do not give in to a terrorist. Keep your healthy boundaries.

Sorry, Easter is a special holiday for our family and little Larla, she can visit with you the weekend afterwards if you are free.

Let me add the obvious - she wants to destroy your Easter so that she is not missing a gathering. She hates Easter/Jesus, so cannot attend, but cannot feel left out (FOMO), so she expects you to literally cancel your religious observance.

Who hates celebration dinner gatherings. Has she never attended other religious observances? So weird. Oh, I hate good food and wine and laughter, how awful. Oh, but I am not the center of attention, so it is loathesome anyway, like the grinch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

I realize this. We "celebrate" with baskets and a meal but are not religious. It sounds like it means nothing to her and she doesn't celebrate at all.

Or OP, does she celebrate in a secular way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

I realize this. We "celebrate" with baskets and a meal but are not religious. It sounds like it means nothing to her and she doesn't celebrate at all.

Or OP, does she celebrate in a secular way?

Yes! Last year she had a little basket with baby toys and claims she has one this year. She just won’t attend because we are religious and she feels our day is religion-focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

I realize this. We "celebrate" with baskets and a meal but are not religious. It sounds like it means nothing to her and she doesn't celebrate at all.

Or OP, does she celebrate in a secular way?

Sounds like you don’t celebrate either. You’re just doing cultural appropriation so your atheist self doesn’t feel left out.