Easter and atheist MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I will ALWAYS vote against a MIL but plenty of atheists celebrate Easter and Christmas. We do Easter egg hunts and Santa. Easter is about the Easter bunny and spring and baby animals and hope and the plants and animals coming alive after winter. Atheists can love Easter and want to celebrate it with family members. We love it at my house. And I feel just as entitled to it as Christians. But MIL could have her Easter with her grandchild on Saturday or the weekend before or after, probably.

That’s all fine, as long as you don’t act like MIL, who expects people not to pray, talk about their beliefs, go to church, etc. I can tolerate your secular celebration of my religious holiday, as long as there is mutual respect and you don’t try to hamper my religious celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Christian and my family celebrates Easter in a big way. My nieces and nephews all have spring break that falls over Easter so they come in to town, and everyone spends the day together in a big way. My DH is completely on board. This is our second year since having a baby, and now MIL (FIL is deceased) wants us/me to change our/my plans to accommodate her. The thing is, we have invited her to spend the day with my family. We attend church and then after there is an egg hunt, which our DC will enjoy for the first time this year, and then we go back to our house and have dinner, play games, etc. MIL refuses to come along because she’s atheist, and says it makes her uncomfortable. She’s very vocal about being anti-religion. She’s very upset we won’t “give” her this Easter with DC since we had last year. The offer stood last year and it stands this year. She’s currently guilt tripping DH in a major way right now and we both wonder what to do.

The only part of your day that is religious is church. She doesn't need to go to church.

She doesn’t, but it seems she’s refusing to even attend the egg hunt or dinner, and that’s a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a manipulative narcicisst. She must pop your easter holiday balloon - THAT must be HER day this year, not Jesus's, not your child's. Oh brother.

Do not give in to a terrorist. Keep your healthy boundaries.

Sorry, Easter is a special holiday for our family and little Larla, she can visit with you the weekend afterwards if you are free.

Let me add the obvious - she wants to destroy your Easter so that she is not missing a gathering. She hates Easter/Jesus, so cannot attend, but cannot feel left out (FOMO), so she expects you to literally cancel your religious observance.

Who hates celebration dinner gatherings. Has she never attended other religious observances? So weird. Oh, I hate good food and wine and laughter, how awful. Oh, but I am not the center of attention, so it is loathesome anyway, like the grinch.

100% it’s this

[Anonymous]

I think you have to reject her idea that there are “turns” for Easter. Is she also like this at Christmas? Do you like to go to Christmas mass and will she try to throw a wrench in that?

There is a religious holiday happening, and you are celebrating in a way that includes both religious and non-religious elements. She has been invited. Now it is up to her whether she joins or not, and as another poster has said, whether she chooses her staunch atheism over being with her grandchild. And your husband has to back you up completely.

Let us know what happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insane that she wants to celebrate a holiday with you that she doesn't believe in? Why this day specifically. That is nuts. It is like a Jewish MIL mad she doesn't get your kids on Christmas when you celebrate it.

This. She can have another random day not the holiest day in the Christian calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Christian and my family celebrates Easter in a big way. My nieces and nephews all have spring break that falls over Easter so they come in to town, and everyone spends the day together in a big way. My DH is completely on board. This is our second year since having a baby, and now MIL (FIL is deceased) wants us/me to change our/my plans to accommodate her. The thing is, we have invited her to spend the day with my family. We attend church and then after there is an egg hunt, which our DC will enjoy for the first time this year, and then we go back to our house and have dinner, play games, etc. MIL refuses to come along because she’s atheist, and says it makes her uncomfortable. She’s very vocal about being anti-religion. She’s very upset we won’t “give” her this Easter with DC since we had last year. The offer stood last year and it stands this year. She’s currently guilt tripping DH in a major way right now and we both wonder what to do.

The only part of your day that is religious is church. She doesn't need to go to church.

She doesn’t, but it seems she’s refusing to even attend the egg hunt or dinner, and that’s a choice.

It is. Op don't bother with her complaining.

[Anonymous]

Zero reason an atheist would have claim to grandkids on the most important day in the Christian calendar. That’s absurd.

As someone in an interfaith marriage, I urge you to try to handle your emotions on this. It’s truly ok if your in laws don’t agree. It won’t affect how you raise your children in a home of faith or your belief. Love them and be a role model to your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

Easter is a holiday for anyone the way Passover and Eid are. Which is to say, not really at all, because it’s specific to a certain religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

Easter is a holiday for anyone the way Passover and Eid are. Which is to say, not really at all, because it’s specific to a certain religion.

Sure, but you wouldn't insist on being catered to during Passover if your family commemorates it and you don't, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

Easter is a holiday for anyone the way Passover and Eid are. Which is to say, not really at all, because it’s specific to a certain religion.

Sure, but you wouldn't insist on being catered to during Passover if your family commemorates it and you don't, right?

My comment isn’t about that, it’s pushing back on the idea that Easter is a holiday for “anyone.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Easter isn't a holiday to her so it's nothing to give.

If you were Jewish and celebrating for Passover or Muslim and celebrating Eid no one in their right mind would ask you to give it up for a secular good old time with them. Explain that this is your tradition for your holiday and again, she is welcome, but you will have to get together another time. Re-invite her, if she says no propose a new time, and be done with it. Your DH should be handling this.

Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

Easter is a holiday for anyone the way Passover and Eid are. Which is to say, not really at all, because it’s specific to a certain religion.

Not true. Lots of people celebrate a totally secular Easter. It's fine. This is really a DH problem, he needs to explain to his mother that this is a religious holiday for his family, that she is welcome to join as long as she is respectful, and there will not be trading off.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don't think the context really matters . . . you have a plan, she wants to scrap your plan and do something else because it's her preference . . . this is about control. Don't let her set the tone for the next 20 years of events.

Your child sounds young enough that if he gets Grandma's basket on a different day, he's not going to say, "But Easter was the 20th!" He's just going to be excited about his little toys. So don't let MIL make this into a thing; lay a boundary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Easter is a holiday for anyone. Everyone can hunt for eggs, eat chocolate bunnies, and have ham and deviled eggs.

This is a power play and the MIL wants to manipulate and control.

Correct except for the ham part, which excludes Jews, Muslims, Jains, and any other religion that doesn’t believe in eating pork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easter is the biggest holiday in the Christian calendar. Your DH needs to tell her that the three of you will be celebrating that holiday and she is welcome to join but you aren’t going to spend a holiday with her and then not even celebrate.

This!! I am an atheist and I can see arguing over Christmas. I was raised Catholic and Christmas is a very important family holiday to me despite the fact that I do not celebrate the religious aspects of it. But Easter? Your athiest MIL is demanding you spend Easter with her? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easter is the biggest holiday in the Christian calendar. Your DH needs to tell her that the three of you will be celebrating that holiday and she is welcome to join but you aren’t going to spend a holiday with her and then not even celebrate.

This!! I am an atheist and I can see arguing over Christmas. I was raised Catholic and Christmas is a very important family holiday to me despite the fact that I do not celebrate the religious aspects of it. But Easter? Your athiest MIL is demanding you spend Easter with her? No.

Atheist again and to be clear, I would like to add that even if MIL were a really religious Christian, she does not get to demand holidays. Period. You and DH get to decide what you do on your holidays.