Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the OP, but let's be real. "Niche looks" = Unattractive. You're going to have to find other people at your level or in your subculture.

[Anonymous]

Guys she is only 5'6??? I am 5'11 and a 5'6 woman is not gall at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys she is only 5'6??? I am 5'11 and a 5'6 woman is not gall at all.

Op is a man

[Anonymous]

Way too short-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tattoos are definitely a turnoff for the majority of women. Especially a lot of them.

+1

I have to agree 1000% w/this.

Tattoos are so not attractive on men, especially A LOT of tattoos.

I especially hate those arm tattoo “sleeves.” 🤮

I’m a guy with zero tattoos but this is strange to read. It seems like most young women like men with tattoos since it makes you look dangerous and masculine… however men do not like women with tattoos for this same reason.

Unfortunately too many young women these days are tatting up without realizing most guys think they look terrible on a woman’s body

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd try JDate.

Half joking.

Speaking as a Jewish person, a fully tatted non-Jewish guy in his 40’s into BMX bikes? We don’t want him. Sounds immature.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the constructive feedback folks. Specifically appreciate the story from the woman who met her husband at the restaurant. I'm not a big fan of cold approaching IRL but I guess that's what we've come to at this point in time. A good amount of comments seem like bait to try to get me to lash out. That being said, still appreciate folks being willing to reply here.

For the person suggesting I move to LA or Philly or Chitown, those are all great cities in their own right. I would probably be most likely to do Chicago or, even though it wasn't listed here, Richmond but trying to move my whole practice in that manner would likely prove difficult. Don't see moving as a first or second choice, but I will keep it in my back pocket.

Jdate suggestions: strangely enough, I had probably the second most success with Jewish women if my memory serves correct. By success, I mean a few months of dating/seeing each other.

I've seen one suggestion already to switch out BMX for road biking and if I was riding bikes purely for exercise then that would be a possibility, but the bunny hopping and the 360s down/up stuff are the fun parts so I'm going to keep at it. Completely understand that folks may find it "immature" and it may reduce my prospects but that's a ding I'm willing to take. I'm sure that there has to be someone out there for me similar to my friends that also ride and their spouses 100% support them in their hobby, even with kids.

As far as the actual dates themselves, I'm not flashy on them or anything. Hard to be flashy in a Prius in any case. Just a typical grabbing a drink or coffee for the first date or going for a walk and getting some ice cream if the weather is nice. If they progress then we'll do dinner or go check out some museums or go to an outdoor interactive light show or a variety of things along those lines. Art gallery openings are another good one that I enjoy and sometimes I'm fortunate enough to pick up some new art that I like.

My brothers relationships, or lack thereof: Well I'm not responsible for them deciding to not wrap it up, but thats the situation. Kind of strange in my opinion with our parents being together for so long that they decided to not mirror them in that regard but what are you going to do?

Yes, I know 5-6 is short for a guy. I'm not going to get a heightBBL so I don't see anything changing in that regard other than losing a few inches in height when I'm in my 70s so hopefully I'll be with someone by then. Otherwise this will be even more difficult than it is.

[Anonymous]

I’m someone who has been critical of you, especially because of the tattoos which I personally find repulsive, but I wanted to say that you do sound very emotionally stable and even nice in your responses. I think you’ll be able to find someone if you look in the right area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been trying to date over the past few years and after a very very large number of rejections I bit the bullet and asked a couple of my friends what they thought was going on. To my surprise, all of the women said that I have "niche looks" meaning they thought that while I'm not "ugly", I'm not traditionally attractive for a guy. They don't think I'm the equivalent of Steve Buscemi or anything along those lines, but I'm no George Clooney or Patrick Dempsey either. This kind of makes sense because of my dating history in that over the past few years I've dated dozens of women with varying amounts of success. Some only wanted the first date, some lasted for 6 months, but that is the extent of it.

To provide a bit more context, I'm 5ft6in tall, very muscular and fit. My celebrity lookalike is Curtis Mayfield, but I cannot sing like him unfortunately . I own a condo in DC and I work as a partner at a boutique law firm in a finance practice. I have a fair amount of hobbies (obviously weightlifting/exercising, BMX bike riding, collecting tattoos, perfecting my beef wellington) and a solid friend list, and I have never heard from anyone that I'm "boring" but I'm not putting it past there being some sort of social defect as well that is preventing me from making a solid connection with someone. I provide that info not to brag or point out that I'm a catch but to establish that I have my life in order as a baseline. The women that I have dated have never brought up my "niche looks" but usually would tell me they just weren't feeling it and I did not want to pry or try to force them to come up with a "reason" for not wanting to continue to see me.

Do folks have any thoughts here, absent plastic surgery, that I could use to improve my dating life in this regard? Do I need a matchmaker? The vast majority of women that I've dated have come from online dating as I'm not one to approach in person IRL other than two one-offs over the years.

Bro, the fact that you posted here tells me everything.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys she is only 5'6??? I am 5'11 and a 5'6 woman is not gall at all.

Op is a man

Oops. That's rough then. But anyways it comes mes down to confidence. I'm 5'11 not tall at all and I don't think a 6 footer has a massive advantage over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys she is only 5'6??? I am 5'11 and a 5'6 woman is not gall at all.

Op is a man

Oops. That's rough then. But anyways it comes mes down to confidence. I'm 5'11 not tall at all and I don't think a 6 footer has a massive advantage over me.

Ridiculous! 5-11 is obviously taller than the average, and 6 feet is only an inch taller so of course that's not a huge advantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As far as the actual dates themselves, I'm not flashy on them or anything. Hard to be flashy in a Prius in any case. Just a typical grabbing a drink or coffee for the first date or going for a walk and getting some ice cream if the weather is nice. If they progress then we'll do dinner or go check out some museums or go to an outdoor interactive light show or a variety of things along those lines. Art gallery openings are another good one that I enjoy and sometimes I'm fortunate enough to pick up some new art that I like.

Your dates sounds really low effort. If that's what you like, that's fine but it signals to women that your tats and bmx hobbies are the priority for both time and money. For a first date you should take them to a trendy restaurant and then maybe dancing or something fun. And don't buy any art while you're on a date unless it's for your date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys she is only 5'6??? I am 5'11 and a 5'6 woman is not gall at all.

Op is a man

Oops. That's rough then. But anyways it comes mes down to confidence. I'm 5'11 not tall at all and I don't think a 6 footer has a massive advantage over me.

You are not short; in fact, you are taller than average.

There is a huge difference between 5'6" (below average) and 5'11 (above average).

[Anonymous]

Let’s say I wanted to meet a tallish lawyer with tattoos where would I find a guy like that in the wild on a Sunday afternoon? Just curious.

You dont have to answer that but 👀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say I wanted to meet a tallish lawyer with tattoos where would I find a guy like that in the wild on a Sunday afternoon? Just curious.

You dont have to answer that but 👀

What kind of lawyer? Corporate lawyer? You can find him in his home office, probably.