15yo smacked 5yo - SIL lost it

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Team Teen. I’m assuming the girl didn’t immediately resort to swatting him on the arm. And I’m assuming SIL wasn’t discipline fhim or keeping a proper eye on him.

Depending on how long you’ve been dating your boyfriend, these are quasi-family. Teens and toddlers will sometimes scuffle or not act like their best selves. Your SIL overreacted. And your boyfriend got pissed and met her energy.

Same.

A swat on the arm is hardly abuse. The mom wasn't controlling the 5-year old, letting him bug the 15-year old. A 15-year old will resort to a swat. Would the mom have preferred the teen verbally rip into the kid and let him have it, which is another 15-year old reaction?

I think the dad was rewarding the teen's sense of boundaries. Good on him, he sounds like a good dad. You don't want your young child annoying others, and you don't want teens resorting to any kind of harsh reaction. A swat is not a harsh reaction. The one who failed in this situation is the small child's mom who wouldn't control her young child and then over-reacted to the teen's mild swat.

Do you realize that there are options beyond these two?

Do YOU realize that there are options beyond *allowing* a teen to swat a five year old and calling her a “crap, trash” person?

You people are absolute morons. It’s mind-blowing.

It sure tracks that the person who defends smacking children is going around calling everyone morons.

Don't forget, they're also saying that verbally ripping into a young child is also an option for a response from a teenager.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My 7 year old was just at my niece's birthday party with a bunch of 3 year olds and handled himself more maturely. Did some 3 year olds bother him and cross his boundaries? Absolutely. He said no and then asked for a break.

Did none of the people talking about kids touching stuff not have younger siblings? I'm about 8 years older than my youngest sibling and yes, she got into stuff and no, I wasn't allowed to smack her.

If you read the OP‘s update, you’d see that the teenager tried by moving her things and going to a different room. The five year followed. The parent of the five-year-old should have intervened and redirected her child to something else instead of assuming a teenager is going to babysit for free.

The teen also could have talked to OP or her own parent. Like my 7 year old talked to me.

Again, not hard to avoid hitting a kid.

The 15 year old is ALSO a kid, dummy.

My kid's babysitter is 15. You guys infantilizing teenagers are doing them no favors.

Children can be babysitters. Treating children like children isn’t infantilizing. This is a weird response considering how helicoptery parents are on here towards their adult kids.

2 year olds in daycare get told "no, we don't hit". Acting like a 15 year old is somehow less savvy (and gets presents for hitting kids) is treating a kid appropriately?

A 15 year old should know not to hit. But, expecting them to act like an adult and calling them crap is unacceptable.

Where does it say they expected the 15 year old to act like an adult. SIL yelled at the boyfriend who demonstrated SIL was right by buying his child gifts. He literally rewarded his daughter smacking a preschooler. He's a shit parent, SIL is right.

People on this thread did. Teens make mistakes.

And a normal parent would ground their kid for this. Not take them shopping.

If I was the mom of the girl, I’d be glad her dad defended her from a yelling adult.

The SIL yelled at the BF, not the teen. Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My 7 year old was just at my niece's birthday party with a bunch of 3 year olds and handled himself more maturely. Did some 3 year olds bother him and cross his boundaries? Absolutely. He said no and then asked for a break.

Did none of the people talking about kids touching stuff not have younger siblings? I'm about 8 years older than my youngest sibling and yes, she got into stuff and no, I wasn't allowed to smack her.

If you read the OP‘s update, you’d see that the teenager tried by moving her things and going to a different room. The five year followed. The parent of the five-year-old should have intervened and redirected her child to something else instead of assuming a teenager is going to babysit for free.

That you think smacking a little kid at that point was the only option is pretty ridiculous.

I don't think it was a smack. It was a swat.

Are you people living in a cave, or are you around young folks? A swat happens pretty regularly. Go to the mall and hang out where the kids hang out, and you will see plenty of swats happening. Sheesh.

I don't know what kind of trashy universe you live in but no, I do NOT SEE PEOPLE SWATTING EACH OTHER REGULARLY.

These are the people who defend hitting their child as "correction". "It's just a swat", no, it's hitting your child to get your anger out. Dangerous mindset.

[Anonymous]

This was not handled well at all.

A 15 yo knows better than to swat a young child. My 9yo knows she can’t swat her 4yo sister. I was baby sitting at 15 and had my first job dealing with the public at 16. I absolutely knew better than to swat children.

But let’s say she’s slower than average. Fine. It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their 15yo that hitting is NOT okay. She should have been reprimanded and dealt with by her father. The exact same way we teach 3 year olds “no, we don’t hit”

Instead, he took her shopping. What did she learn? Hitting means she gets special treatment. That she is special and above everyone else.

This girl and her dad are going to be nightmares. I would bail now if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t date people with teens and then try to bring them around family and pretend everyone is one big happy family.

Agree with this.

OP, how long have you been dating him? A teenage girl wants nothing to do with her dad’s new GF or her family. She should not be brought around you or your family until you have been dating for a very long time.

She’s probably upset her dad is dating and dragging her to functions where she doesn’t know anyone and is bored out of her mind.

If you must keep dating him, stay away from her until you and BF are discussing marriage.

[Anonymous]

BF sounds super trashy.

[Anonymous]

Odd SIL & BF

[Anonymous]

Team SIL

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Would you be thrilled to hear that a 15 year old babysitter smacked or slapped your young child? I doubt it.

Stop defending your shitty boyfriend who is a shitty parent to a shitty teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My 7 year old was just at my niece's birthday party with a bunch of 3 year olds and handled himself more maturely. Did some 3 year olds bother him and cross his boundaries? Absolutely. He said no and then asked for a break.

Did none of the people talking about kids touching stuff not have younger siblings? I'm about 8 years older than my youngest sibling and yes, she got into stuff and no, I wasn't allowed to smack her.

If you read the OP‘s update, you’d see that the teenager tried by moving her things and going to a different room. The five year followed. The parent of the five-year-old should have intervened and redirected her child to something else instead of assuming a teenager is going to babysit for free.

The teen also could have talked to OP or her own parent. Like my 7 year old talked to me.

Again, not hard to avoid hitting a kid.

The 15 year old is ALSO a kid, dummy.

Right which is why none of us are suggesting that the 4 year old’s parents press charges or knock he’s lights out, which is how we respond if an unrelated adult assaulted our child.

Really, you think pressing charging or attacking a child should be an Option?

I wrote "none of us are suggesting . . . " which obviously mean I'm not suggesting it. But if an adult did that to my child, one of those two things would be the outcome.

So, suggesting something like not taking the girl shopping, is recognizing that she's a child. Even children shouldn't get rewarded for violence. They should get age appropriate consequences.

You’d never knock someone’s lights out, you wuss. Hitting people is aLwAyS wRoNG after all (and you’re afraid of your own shadow).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs it's quite clear this thread is getting troll bombed. Nobody is so stupid they'd call a little swat a big issue. A swat is like a gentle shove, nothing more.

Just because people don't agree with teens hitting kinders does not mean we're trolls. I'd wage the people supporting abuse and assault are the trolls.

You wouldn’t know abuse and assault if it knocked your lights out, snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump your boyfriend. He’s trash.

I rarely condone the use of the word “trash” to describe a human being, but your boyfriend really does epitomize the use case, OP. He’s a waste of flesh.

[Anonymous]

Adults don't yell at each other. It is incredibly immature. You can reprimand a child without yelling. You can disagree with other adults in a regular voice.

It is shocking how many adults in our world think yelling is OK or normal behavior. It's maladjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend’s 15yo hit my 4yo nephew. He was annoying her and she lightly smacked his arm. It wasn’t hard, didn’t cause injury, but he cried.

My SIL (brothers wife) immediately yelled at my boyfriend, called him a lazy dad, and my boyfriend yelled back at her, said she was dramatic and couldn’t control her kid, they were going on back and fourth for a couple minutes. After we left, he took his daughter to dinner, went shopping, bought her dessert and a new watch.

I guess everyone was reacting in the moment, but I’m still trying to process whether this was handled well and what would have been more appropriate. How would you have handled it? Did they overact?

I would bet the 15 yr. old had asked the 5 yr. old brat to stop whatever he was doing several times and he didn't. Brat got what he deserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs it's quite clear this thread is getting troll bombed. Nobody is so stupid they'd call a little swat a big issue. A swat is like a gentle shove, nothing more.

Just because people don't agree with teens hitting kinders does not mean we're trolls. I'd wage the people supporting abuse and assault are the trolls.

You wouldn’t know abuse and assault if it knocked your lights out, snowflake.

I love it when the abusers out themselves.