15yo smacked 5yo - SIL lost it

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend’s 15yo hit my 4yo nephew. He was annoying her and she lightly smacked his arm. It wasn’t hard, didn’t cause injury, but he cried.

My SIL (brothers wife) immediately yelled at my boyfriend, called him a lazy dad, and my boyfriend yelled back at her, said she was dramatic and couldn’t control her kid, they were going on back and fourth for a couple minutes. After we left, he took his daughter to dinner, went shopping, bought her dessert and a new watch.

I guess everyone was reacting in the moment, but I’m still trying to process whether this was handled well and what would have been more appropriate. How would you have handled it? Did they overact?

[Anonymous]

No one behaved well here, OP, as you know. I'd say the adults behaved worse than the teen! You've got a shitty family and significant other.
Maybe extricate yourself from both.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

He’s 4, 5 in a couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend and his daughter are crap people. She hit a small child. She didn't tell him to stop, didn't move away, didn't ask a parent to step in, just hit him. And her parent took her out and rewarded that behavior.

I would dump him and apologize to my actual relative.

[Anonymous]

Both overreacted.

[Anonymous]

You need a new boyfriend. This one is good with abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend and his daughter are crap people. She hit a small child. She didn't tell him to stop, didn't move away, didn't ask a parent to step in, just hit him. And her parent took her out and rewarded that behavior.

I would dump him and apologize to my actual relative.

Agree.

This whole story sounds like trash on top of trash.

I’d lose it too if some 15 yo hit my kids arm in an attempt to discipline or communicate with him.

Keep them away from kids for a long time. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’d demand the overreacting smacking 15 yo apologize and I’d demand the father of the 15 yo apologize for what he said.

Does he always blame other people for what his spoiled brat did? Puke.

[Anonymous]

A 4 yo annoyed a 15 yo so she hit him and he cried.

The mom of the 4 yo advocated for her child and reprimanded the 15 yo?

The 15 yo’s single father yelled at and blamed the mom of the 4 yo?

Yeah. Exit stage left.

[Anonymous]

Team Teen. I’m assuming the girl didn’t immediately resort to swatting him on the arm. And I’m assuming SIL wasn’t discipline fhim or keeping a proper eye on him.

Depending on how long you’ve been dating your boyfriend, these are quasi-family. Teens and toddlers will sometimes scuffle or not act like their best selves. Your SIL overreacted. And your boyfriend got pissed and met her energy.

[Anonymous]

I witnessed something like this once. Neither were my kids. Little kid was trying to get notice of older teen girl and wouldn't leave her alone. The parents wouldn't get him to stop. Teen nudged him on the arm in a final attempt to get him to stop. Kid wailed. I was watching. He was wailing because he was rejected by the older kid, not because he was hurt. And the mother went crazy.

All of the parents should have deescalated before it got to that point, and the teen really didn't know how to get the kid to stop pestering her.

That said, in this case, all parents were ridiculous. Clearly no one likes anyone. But, unfortunately, the dad, who must be trying too hard with his daughter, is probably the worst in this scenario, though none were blameless.

[Anonymous]

People on here calling a swat on the arm abuse and calling a 15 year old girl a crap person are psychotic drama llamas who are probably raising spoiled, entitled monsters. FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend and his daughter are crap people. She hit a small child. She didn't tell him to stop, didn't move away, didn't ask a parent to step in, just hit him. And her parent took her out and rewarded that behavior.

I would dump him and apologize to my actual relative.

This. The 15 year old was out of line and your boyfriend was an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I witnessed something like this once. Neither were my kids. Little kid was trying to get notice of older teen girl and wouldn't leave her alone. The parents wouldn't get him to stop. Teen nudged him on the arm in a final attempt to get him to stop. Kid wailed. I was watching. He was wailing because he was rejected by the older kid, not because he was hurt. And the mother went crazy.

All of the parents should have deescalated before it got to that point, and the teen really didn't know how to get the kid to stop pestering her.

That said, in this case, all parents were ridiculous. Clearly no one likes anyone. But, unfortunately, the dad, who must be trying too hard with his daughter, is probably the worst in this scenario, though none were blameless.

+1

[Anonymous]

I entirely agree that a little swat on the arm is not the worse thing that happened here. The SIL should know not to automatically jump to defend an annoying little 5 year old, especially if she wasn't supervising him and his brattiness. The boyfriend was entirely out of line by getting angry. These two adults are terrible. Poor teen. Poor little boy. Both raised by awful parents.