Is my boyfriend marriage material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD isn't a choice or character flaw.

Yeah but it is something that greatly impacts marriage.

If you don't have kids, how much mess or space there is going to be that OP can't manage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD isn't a choice or character flaw.

It really is much of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Low income and low earning profession are two different things. Chemists, district attorneys, anthropologists, psychologists also earn less but aren't necessarily low income people.

Sure they are. Anyone who makes less than [$150k] is low income. Regardless of how prestigious they are, they aren't great financial partners for marriage. Sure, marriage about more than just money, but money is a factor for many people.

[Anonymous]

"For the year 2024, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the median annual earnings for all workers was $51,370; and more specifically estimates that median annual earnings for those who worked full-time, year round, was $63,360." Wiki

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low income and low earning profession are two different things. Chemists, district attorneys, anthropologists, psychologists also earn less but aren't necessarily low income people.

Sure they are. Anyone who makes less than [$150k] is low income. Regardless of how prestigious they are, they aren't great financial partners for marriage. Sure, marriage about more than just money, but money is a factor for many people.

Sure but then those people shouldn't be dating below their cutoff salary, debt tolerance and preferential credit score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"For the year 2024, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the median annual earnings for all workers was $51,370; and more specifically estimates that median annual earnings for those who worked full-time, year round, was $63,360." Wiki

I think the $150 figure is nutty, but the context here is college-educated men working full time in the DMV, not all workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD isn't a choice or character flaw.

It's a flaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend wants to get married. I want to get married in general. My parents went through a bad divorce, so I’m weary. I want to avoid something like that. I want to go into marriage with eyes wide open. From those of you who are more experienced can you tell me if you think my boyfriend is marriage material? We don’t want kids.

Pros: very sweet, loyal, showers me with attention, hard working, smart, good politics, nice friend group

Cons: diagnosed adhd, messy, stubborn/inflexible, dysfunctional family (but not local)

He’s in low earning profession but I don’t mind that.

Not enough info. Is the ADHD managed? On meds?

does he recognize family is dysfunctional? Did he pick up their ways or realize there are issues and distance?

I would be concerned with stubborn and inflexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For the year 2024, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the median annual earnings for all workers was $51,370; and more specifically estimates that median annual earnings for those who worked full-time, year round, was $63,360." Wiki

I think the $150 figure is nutty, but the context here is college-educated men working full time in the DMV, not all workers.

It depends on field, age and experience but "For college-educated men in the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia), expect higher incomes than national averages, with bachelor's degree holders often earning in the $80k-$100k+ range annually (median/average) and advanced degrees significantly more"

[Anonymous]

Oh just go get married. Keep your own bank account and credit cards it's easier when you divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do better.

And if you don’t want kids just save yourself the hassle and don’t get married!

Unlikely. Many men want kids and won’t consider OP as an option.

Many men want kids like children want puppies. And then who gets left to actually take care of them?

OP, there are many men who don't want children. Does it narrow your pool, yes, but you don't want to be stuck in a relationship wtih someone who will baby trap you OR think you'll just change your mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, the people admonishing you for being too picky will be the first to admonish you for not "choosing better" if it doesn't work out.

Normalize leaving at the first red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, no.

The women on here with adhd messy husbands are miserable. You will be doing 99% of the housework in this scenario. Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life?
.

It's interesting how much housework matters to modern society. Earn more and get a housekeeper. It's a dealbreaker if wife or husband don't have domestic skills, even more important than them having integrity, kindness, loyalty, no addiction etc.

House keeper isn't going to the dishes daily or pick up all your crap when you can't manage to put it away.

If you can't be a functional human in society, hiring out IS NOT THE ANSWER. Being an adult, and choosing to date other adults is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t, no.

The women on here with adhd messy husbands are miserable. You will be doing 99% of the housework in this scenario. Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life?
.

It's interesting how much housework matters to modern society. Earn more and get a housekeeper. It's a dealbreaker if wife or husband don't have domestic skills, even more important than them having integrity, kindness, loyalty, no addiction etc.

House keeper isn't going to the dishes daily or pick up all your crap when you can't manage to put it away.

If you can't be a functional human in society, hiring out IS NOT THE ANSWER. Being an adult, and choosing to date other adults is.

Yep. The boyfriend has no money so OP will be paying the housekeeper to clean up after him.

The bigger issue is messy + ADHD. These men are always looking for a bangmaid to clean up after them, organize their lives, and generally take care of any unpleasant task they don’t feel like doing because their “ADHD” means they can’t do it.

[Anonymous]

No he’s broke and dirty. You have to be one of the other but not both