Country Club Invite

[Anonymous]

You will address OP by her husband's rank!!!

[Anonymous]

Forgive OP. DH is a director but can't actually afford the lifestyle of the wealthy person he feels pressured to pretend to be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must have very thin skin if you found that to be rude.

Now that OP has made it to The Country Club Set she feels it gives her license to look down on The Poors over imaginary slights.

It's not a license. She's insecure and is imitating the way she imagines "elites" behave because she's uncomfortable in her own skin. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should buy a diary next

My husband said he'll buy a dairy when he makes VP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will address OP by her husband's rank!!!

Yes Madame Herr Direktor Executive!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

PP here and I agree with you. My point was even if you wanted to be cheap it is not as conducive as a typical dining establishment. You aren't pulling out money or a card. That moment where one would typically offer to pay a portion is removed in the CC equation.

You are splitting ridiculous hairs here.

Ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

People are going to make assumptions about your means if you belong to a country club. If you are so strapped for cash that spending $200 on a gathering with friends is stressful for you, you should stop attending a country club. There are public pools, golf courses and tennis courts for people like you.

Of course it's nice to offer to pay but I don't take advantage of my friends by letting them host every time, if that's something you experience from friends you need different friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

PP here who mentioned awkwardness. This was my point. I don't do the whole figure out who owes what thing and Venmo or pass cash back & forth at restaurant or when I have guests. I don't even get a check/bill at my clubs. You do your thing and role out. You can ask for one if you want but no one really does.

Yes, I completely believe that you just "role" in and out of your country clubS.

I made a gramtical error, will world end? Yes, you do just leave or roll out if that makes you feel better. Why is that hard to believe? They know who you are. If a guest they don't recognize orders they will just ask what account it is going on. They give the members last name and go about their day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

People are going to make assumptions about your means if you belong to a country club. If you are so strapped for cash that spending $200 on a gathering with friends is stressful for you, you should stop attending a country club. There are public pools, golf courses and tennis courts for people like you.

Of course it's nice to offer to pay but I don't take advantage of my friends by letting them host every time, if that's something you experience from friends you need different friends.

You are harping on the wrong thing. Its not about the $200, its being taken advantage of. Its people assuming that just because someone "can", they "should".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

No, that's not how it works. I wouldn't expect someone to offer to pay at an invite to a club, nor would I offer to pay. That is just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

People are going to make assumptions about your means if you belong to a country club. If you are so strapped for cash that spending $200 on a gathering with friends is stressful for you, you should stop attending a country club. There are public pools, golf courses and tennis courts for people like you.

Of course it's nice to offer to pay but I don't take advantage of my friends by letting them host every time, if that's something you experience from friends you need different friends.

You are harping on the wrong thing. Its not about the $200, its being taken advantage of. Its people assuming that just because someone "can", they "should".

Why are you inviting these people to your country club? Did they put a gun to your head?

[Anonymous]

It’s embarrassing to hear you brag about your country club status op and your friend found a quick way to shut you up. Learn some manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

No, that's not how it works. I wouldn't expect someone to offer to pay at an invite to a club, nor would I offer to pay. That is just weird.

You think it’s weird to offer to pay for your guest fees when you go somewhere? I would personally never make a guest pay since I invited them but I would want to know if someone else invited me and there was a hefty guest fee. $25 per person to go to a pool is insane and no matter their HHI, I wouldn’t want another adult to pay that for my family.

The view here of “well they can afford it” is unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

This happened to us too. I didn't mind the comments. Heck had the shoe been on the other foot I would have made the comment. I invited them all to the club in turn. That was 12 years ago. Since then I sponsored 2 of them to join. You all sound insecure and snobby. Then again, I'm from the Midwest and I don't have the same hang ups people here have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People just lack manners and social decency.

If a friend invites you somewhere, offer to pay your portion. They will likely say no. You don’t make assumptions about their wealth or means. You don’t make awkward comments inviting yourself to a place they belong to. You are not owed a free pass because “they can afford it”.

No, that's not how it works. I wouldn't expect someone to offer to pay at an invite to a club, nor would I offer to pay. That is just weird.

You think it’s weird to offer to pay for your guest fees when you go somewhere? I would personally never make a guest pay since I invited them but I would want to know if someone else invited me and there was a hefty guest fee. $25 per person to go to a pool is insane and no matter their HHI, I wouldn’t want another adult to pay that for my family.

The view here of “well they can afford it” is unbelievable.

DP since I am not forcing anybody to invite me to their club, I assume they are inviting me because they enjoy my company and would like to host me there. It is weird to offer to pay - like I am trying to avoid owing them anything. If these are my friends I've hosted them at my house as well.