Why are so many parents fumbling raising boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Again, more hate on the male sex right here with the above poster.

Seriously, why is it always "toxic masculinity" and never "toxic feminity"? Can't you see how your words and attitudes are part of the problem?

+1000

Please. There’s plenty of talk about “toxic femininity.” Why do you think there are only “mean girls,” but not boys? Women know that other women are often their worst enemies.

Plenty of people are fumbling raising their KIDS. I wouldn't limit it to boys.
I have an unathletic son. He does not get bullied. He is completely ignored by the "cool boys", they act like he is not even there. They are secure in their popularity and don't need to put him down. Meanwhile my son finds friends among the other boys like him and we are doing our best to improve his fitness.
My friend has an awkward daughter and she is tormented by the pretty girls. "Your glasses make your eyes look crossed." "Why is your face so weird" and so on. Why do they have to insult her? See the "Beauty and Fashion" forum for more of this.
And when parents find out their kids are doing this, they don't really want to punish the behavior because deep-down they are so happy that their kid is one of the popular ones. They don't want to risk upsetting that status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men working 50-70 hour weeks and traveling for work to “provide” and scaling the ladder has left us with a generation of boys with no fathering even if a father is “in the house”.

You don't need a father to raise a good person. My brother and my son were all raised by single mothers. They've all turned out to be good people with FT jobs. Their mothers prioritized a good education and home responsibilities. My DS is 20 and is off this weekend. He got up early with the dog so I could sleep in. He emptied the dishwasher and is now going through his closet so I can take some clothes to Goodwill. He made dinner last night and cleaned two bathrooms. He reads to my mother because her eyesight is awful. You get the idea. He's a good person because I raised him to be one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men working 50-70 hour weeks and traveling for work to “provide” and scaling the ladder has left us with a generation of boys with no fathering even if a father is “in the house”.

You don't need a father to raise a good person. My brother and my son were all raised by single mothers. They've all turned out to be good people with FT jobs. Their mothers prioritized a good education and home responsibilities. My DS is 20 and is off this weekend. He got up early with the dog so I could sleep in. He emptied the dishwasher and is now going through his closet so I can take some clothes to Goodwill. He made dinner last night and cleaned two bathrooms. He reads to my mother because her eyesight is awful. You get the idea. He's a good person because I raised him to be one.

Yes and so many people don't take accountability and blame "society". Remember though, that fathers can also be good parents , doesn't need to just be a mom.

[Anonymous]

When your nanny is raising your children you get what you deserve.

[Anonymous]

UMC boys are largely OK. It is the middle class/lower class that are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This is all because girls and women are oppressed by systemic misogyny and sexism on every level in society.

Only when women are given a fair and equitable chance, can we even begin to taste freedom some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men working 50-70 hour weeks and traveling for work to “provide” and scaling the ladder has left us with a generation of boys with no fathering even if a father is “in the house”.

You don't need a father to raise a good person. My brother and my son were all raised by single mothers. They've all turned out to be good people with FT jobs. Their mothers prioritized a good education and home responsibilities. My DS is 20 and is off this weekend. He got up early with the dog so I could sleep in. He emptied the dishwasher and is now going through his closet so I can take some clothes to Goodwill. He made dinner last night and cleaned two bathrooms. He reads to my mother because her eyesight is awful. You get the idea. He's a good person because I raised him to be one.

Bill Clinton was raised by a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one girl and one boy (teens) and they’re both awesome.

What’s so bad with boys now? My guess would be video game addiction is a big problem, but also we have taken away a lot of opportunities for them to problem solve. There’s not as much free range sand lot games where the entire neighborhood showed up and they handled conflicts and scraped knees. Now it’s travel baseball teams and a ton of parent oversight. Less risk-taking. Fewer opportunities to fail because we are all so scared to let them make their own mistakes because college is so much harder to get into these days.

THIS is what is the issue with kids now - WAY too much oversight, management, helicoptering and snowplowing of elementary and middle school kids so that they can't manage themselves by high school. But that's true for GIRLS AND BOYS.

This this this. Kids aren’t given the opportunity to develop the “grit” that comes from not getting something right the first time (or second or third) and still getting up and trying again. So many parents are also not keeping their kids in activities that they are just mediocre at - there’s something character building about being on a track team or a swim team and coming in at the middle or bottom of the pack and still showing up to practices and meets.

My kid is in martial arts, and to advance past a certain level, there’s a pre-test. She, and most of her cohort, failed the pre-test the first time. They all got tips, worked on it, and came back and passed the next time. It was tough that first time, but made the “win” so much sweeter.

The only reason I can think of that it doesn’t appear to impact girls the same way is once girls hit 11/12 their self-confidence goes down and they start thinking they need to keep everything together and are like ducks furiously peddling their feet under water, so they are putting in the work - but that leads to anxiety and perfectionism, rather than just giving up.

[Anonymous]

I think parents care more about popularity and fitting in more than ever before.

The petty crap groups of boys do on weekends is amazing. I was stuck at home yesterday and was intermittently looking at police scanner info in Ashburn and the number of middle school boys causing problems on one weekend day was astounding. Parents don't give a crap. My siblings and I would have been killed for doing less than these kids.

[Anonymous]

Also want to remind everyone these are suburban spoiled kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men working 50-70 hour weeks and traveling for work to “provide” and scaling the ladder has left us with a generation of boys with no fathering even if a father is “in the house”.

You don't need a father to raise a good person. My brother and my son were all raised by single mothers. They've all turned out to be good people with FT jobs. Their mothers prioritized a good education and home responsibilities. My DS is 20 and is off this weekend. He got up early with the dog so I could sleep in. He emptied the dishwasher and is now going through his closet so I can take some clothes to Goodwill. He made dinner last night and cleaned two bathrooms. He reads to my mother because her eyesight is awful. You get the idea. He's a good person because I raised him to be one.

Bill Clinton was raised by a single mom.

Bill Clinton, the rapist?!

[Anonymous]

Back in the 70’s and 80’s parents were very strict with their boys. They disciplined them and expected them to abide by their rules. These days parents have become quite complacent when it comes to disciplining their boys. Girls are generally easier to parent because by nature they have more empathy and are more willing to listen to their parents. Boys usually need a firmer approach but the parents aren’t willing to put in the work because it is hard word. Lots of factors contributing to it such as working parents are stretched thin and don’t have time to discipline, excessive use of screens and video games, lack of community and play dates etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

Tell me you don’t have school age children without telling me.

Are you kidding?

Basically all male centric traits are swept aside now under the new banner of “kindness.”