Mom’s Who Left Career to SAHP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

The type of woman who attracts a man who earns seven figures is usually well educated. Most of the women I know married to successful men were also successful in their careers. I gave up my career to stay home with my kids. I didn’t expect to stay home. I didn’t expect to miss my baby so much when I was at work at my demanding job. I went expecting the juggling of kids and a career to be so difficult, especially when your husband has a very demanding job. I really hated leaving my baby with a nanny.

🙄

Or she just got lucky. Doubt he was making 7 figures in his 20s.

And plenty of the women who get lucky find their husbands trade in for a younger model. Tale as old as time.

Np. She did get lucky. There are many well educated women with careers who do not have spouses earning 2 mil.

It doesn't change the fact that many women married to high earning spouses are well educated and had good careers before deciding to SAHP.

Doctors marry doctors. Attorneys marry attorneys, and so on. This is very common. Some will remain dual income, and some will have one partner step back once there are children in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

[Anonymous]

Worked part-time, then ramped up to full time as kids got older. We live in NYC, they didn't need me for rides and my commute was 25-30 each way.
I am not in any principal roles at the companies I worked for. It was good to stay productive in both home life and work life.

[Anonymous]

It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

+1

Adult women still wanting gold stars for how “impressive” they (think) their jobs or educations are need to grow TF up.

OMG you went to an IVY?! You’re a LAWYER?! Great! Nobody actually gives a shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

+1

Adult women still wanting gold stars for how “impressive” they (think) their jobs or educations are need to grow TF up.

OMG you went to an IVY?! You’re a LAWYER?! Great! Nobody actually gives a shit.

You don’t care, but lots of people do care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

+1

Adult women still wanting gold stars for how “impressive” they (think) their jobs or educations are need to grow TF up.

OMG you went to an IVY?! You’re a LAWYER?! Great! Nobody actually gives a shit.

You don’t care, but lots of people do care.

Yes - immature, emotionally stunted, insecure losers care. And I couldn’t care less what those type of people think about literally *anything*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

+1

Adult women still wanting gold stars for how “impressive” they (think) their jobs or educations are need to grow TF up.

OMG you went to an IVY?! You’re a LAWYER?! Great! Nobody actually gives a shit.

You don’t care, but lots of people do care.

Yes - immature, emotionally stunted, insecure losers care. And I couldn’t care less what those type of people think about literally *anything*.

These conversations generally devolve into name calling. I imagine some of it is due to the fact that so many of us are identified by whether we work or stay home, and that so many of us feel that our choice in this area both reflects our values and that our choices are driven by circumstances somewhat beyond our control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

Do you understand that being home isn’t giving something up? Being at home with your children is a gain for many. To be with them, to share experiences with them, to ensure that your values are being instilled in them. When they are sick they can stay at home until they are fully well. If they have an interest you get to help them explore it and develop it. For many people is it a joyous pursuit not just a sacrifice for the kids.

I don’t think the previous two posts are necessarily at odds. They are both saying the same thing—that [most] women who stopped working really weren’t into their careers in the first place.

It’s a much bigger sacrifice/trade off (whatever word you wanted to use) when you’ve had an impressive education and career track to match that.

This is a silly argument. I have an “impressive” education but I like staying home. Women at all education and career tracks will have varying preferences re: working or being home with kids. They also have varying household income realities and as well as expectations.

+1

Adult women still wanting gold stars for how “impressive” they (think) their jobs or educations are need to grow TF up.

OMG you went to an IVY?! You’re a LAWYER?! Great! Nobody actually gives a shit.

You don’t care, but lots of people do care.

Yes - immature, emotionally stunted, insecure losers care. And I couldn’t care less what those type of people think about literally *anything*.

These conversations generally devolve into name calling. I imagine some of it is due to the fact that so many of us are identified by whether we work or stay home, and that so many of us feel that our choice in this area both reflects our values and that our choices are driven by circumstances somewhat beyond our control.

Jesus Christ.

If you judge a person based on their job title or the perceived prestigiousness of their college education, you’re an insecure loser. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom didn't feel like she had much of a choice in the 80s but says she wishes she'd done it differently.

I’m an 80s kid and don’t know a single SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved SAH in the early years. It was exhausting but rewarding. I now SAH with teens. I am just a cook and driver and ATM. It’s not as rewarding. I could go back to work but my husband is literally no help apart from earning an income. He thinks he is an involved dad but he really is not. He has no patience for listening to their teen dramas and complaints, he attends their events somewhat grudgingly. He doesn’t like helping with driving after a long day of work, or making dinner, or cleaning the kitchen.

So now I just feel stuck. I like him as a person, but he’s kind of a crappy coparent.

Your issue is your marriage, not your status as a stay at home mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

They're probably better at it than you.

Why would a random daycare worker be better at taking care of kids than their own parent?

Yes, every parent is a fit to parent by virtue of being a parent. Anyone who is paid to provide childcare could never be as fit. 🙄

Yeah I think parents are more fit to be a parent than some low paid daycare worker who focuses 9-5. A parent is more invested and more loving to the child than any paid employee. That’s reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, we had saved a lot of money (my own 401k an other investments were solid; jointly we were doing great), had all the right insurance set up, had a solid emergency fund, were in our forever home, liked our public schools if needed, DH's compensation was less than mine but solid and we had confidence in his career trajectory, and we both grew up with far less so we know how to scrape by in a pinch if it ever happened and took longer than expected for me to return to work.

On balance, we felt our kid's particular needs at the time were not compatible with the hours were both worked and something had to give (work life was far less flexible back then). I was confident that I would be happy taking on that role, even though giving up the work was not an easy choice (nor would it have been easy to go the other way).

As time went on, we became even more financially comfortable, our family needs increased, my time spent at nonpaying work became more and more valuable to me and the community. I never struggled to find intellectual stimulation or activities that were rewarding for me. Each time we revisited our family-work-life balance, we felt that the status quo was working best for us.

Valuable to the community, lol.

I’m not the PP, but volunteer work IS important to the community. Many vital jobs are unpaid whether you realize it or not.

They are not valuable if they are not paid. Seriously.

What a sad view of the world. I’m glad I don’t measure a person’s worth by their income.

Plus a million. I can’t believe someone actually thinks that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

They're probably better at it than you.

Why would a random daycare worker be better at taking care of kids than their own parent?

Yes, every parent is a fit to parent by virtue of being a parent. Anyone who is paid to provide childcare could never be as fit. 🙄

Yeah I think parents are more fit to be a parent than some low paid daycare worker who focuses 9-5. A parent is more invested and more loving to the child than any paid employee. That’s reality.

It’s actually not reality. Look at how the PP quoted in 14:09 described their spouse and the parent of their children. Just because someone is invested does not mean that they are a good parent. Some parents are so invested they can’t separate from their children, which is problematic.