Relative gives “gifts” from closet

[Anonymous]

Is there any way to make it stop?

They actually told me they “shopped local.” But the town they live in is so small that I doubted they could find this item in a local store.

The supposedly new item had no tags so I googled it and found it is a vintage item from the 90s from a European country they traveled to in the 90s.

They also gave two of us old notebooks. Last year, two of us received these large rayon scarves that you wrap all around your body.

I get it. The relative is cheap and probably hates me.

They have plenty of money as they donated $10,000 to an organization no problem.

I’m thinking about writing a letter to them about it.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

What would that say about you?
I understand regifting, or buying thrifted items, or even handmade gifts. This Wilkes has too much crap. They can’t take it with them when they die, so why not give it away? If you wrote to them, would you tell them what gifts you’d like, like in a letter to Santa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way to make it stop?

They actually told me they “shopped local.” But the town they live in is so small that I doubted they could find this item in a local store.

The supposedly new item had no tags so I googled it and found it is a vintage item from the 90s from a European country they traveled to in the 90s.

They also gave two of us old notebooks. Last year, two of us received these large rayon scarves that you wrap all around your body.

I get it. The relative is cheap and probably hates me.

They have plenty of money as they donated $10,000 to an organization no problem.

I’m thinking about writing a letter to them about it.

What would you do?

I've never written this on DCUM before but OP you need professional help to find out 1) why you care so much about that you have to post here); 2) that instead of just being grateful for a gift you have to find fault and LOOK it up on google (just donate); 3) that instead of being charitable you make this about yourself and thinks she "hates" you (??) 3) that you are actually thinking of writing a relative a LETTER about this! To what end? Why do you have such a strong need to punish? -- signed son of depression era parents who were hoarders.

[Anonymous]

Would you really be okay being the only one in the group who receives old and smelly items year after year?

My feelings are hurt, and I care that they hate me so much to do this.

They must be unhappy inside to act this way.

My response will be not to return for Xmas. Giving someone else power over my Xmas is not going to happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you really be okay being the only one in the group who receives old and smelly items year after year?

My feelings are hurt, and I care that they hate me so much to do this.

They must be unhappy inside to act this way.

My response will be not to return for Xmas. Giving someone else power over my Xmas is not going to happen again.

Win-win solution.

[Anonymous]

Lean into it and kill them with kindness. "OMG, is this purse vintage? I looked this up and it hasn't been sold in 30 years. This must have cost a fortune! Oh, you shouldn't have!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way to make it stop?

They actually told me they “shopped local.” But the town they live in is so small that I doubted they could find this item in a local store.

The supposedly new item had no tags so I googled it and found it is a vintage item from the 90s from a European country they traveled to in the 90s.

They also gave two of us old notebooks. Last year, two of us received these large rayon scarves that you wrap all around your body.

I get it. The relative is cheap and probably hates me.

They have plenty of money as they donated $10,000 to an organization no problem.

I’m thinking about writing a letter to them about it.

What would you do?

I've never written this on DCUM before but OP you need professional help to find out 1) why you care so much about that you have to post here); 2) that instead of just being grateful for a gift you have to find fault and LOOK it up on google (just donate); 3) that instead of being charitable you make this about yourself and thinks she "hates" you (??) 3) that you are actually thinking of writing a relative a LETTER about this! To what end? Why do you have such a strong need to punish? -- signed son of depression era parents who were hoarders.

They are not depression era and grew up rich.

One old person was in the hospital and I was too far to visit because I’m with another old person who is giving me smelly gifts.

It’s funny if I think about it actually.

To answer your question, PP, maybe I do need therapy to understand why I hate liars. I’m mad they lied to me about buying the gift in town.

I’m burned out on eldercare, but there are no vacation days. I thought this would be vacation but it’s just been catering to the desires of a different old person.

Like, I can’t even drink out of a glass that is not red because it’s Christmas so I drank from the red glass as instructed.

Well, at least my therapist and I will have a good laugh about cheap liars who brag about donating large sums they inherited to various charities, and I will drop the rope on this relationship.

Thank you for the nudge to talk to my therapist about this. I can actually see the funny side of this, but I’m still not coming back to deal with this another year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lean into it and kill them with kindness. "OMG, is this purse vintage? I looked this up and it hasn't been sold in 30 years. This must have cost a fortune! Oh, you shouldn't have!"

Haha. That’s the best!

Thank you for the funny post.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you really be okay being the only one in the group who receives old and smelly items year after year?

My feelings are hurt, and I care that they hate me so much to do this.

They must be unhappy inside to act this way.

My response will be not to return for Xmas. Giving someone else power over my Xmas is not going to happen again.

Win-win solution.

Sadly, it’ll be worse for them as they will be alone, and they don’t like that. For five years, I’ve prioritized visiting them since their spouse died.

Actions have consequences though.

[Anonymous]

What would I do? I’d smile and say thank you, and later donate the items. No need to make a fuss.

[Anonymous]

Just leave it there when you leave. Slide it under a bed or back in the closet. It sticks to get crappy thoughtless gifts, but if you leave it there at least you won’t have to look at it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just leave it there when you leave. Slide it under a bed or back in the closet. It sticks to get crappy thoughtless gifts, but if you leave it there at least you won’t have to look at it again.

Lol, until next year!

[Anonymous]

They are probably anxious about shopping or money and this is their way to cope.

But the flip side of it: my relatives are at the age of downsizing and most gifts I get from them are shopped from closets. I don’t like what my mom gives because it’s never things I’d always wanted from her house- someone gets all that and I wish I knew who. But I love what my ILs find and give to me! They are really kind and loving and so even something simple feels like a hug from them. I like it best when they give me everyday things that I can use a lot, because then it’s like they’re with me for parts of my daily routines.

I think that how a gift makes you feel has less to do with the object than with the person who gives it.

[Anonymous]

Op your level of anger about this is not normal. You sound extremely odd. Get some better problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would that say about you?
I understand regifting, or buying thrifted items, or even handmade gifts. This Wilkes has too much crap. They can’t take it with them when they die, so why not give it away? If you wrote to them, would you tell them what gifts you’d like, like in a letter to Santa?

Because it’s tacky. If they don’t want it, donate it or throw it away.