How are you raising your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were no player-coach or player-coach-parent or coach-parent conferences back in my travel days and I turned out fine. The coach coached, the kids played (some more than others), and the parents watched. And if the coach was pissed, the coach communicated that to the players with emotion but also constructively, even if it involved colorful metaphors. It was rare, so the players listened. We were not verbally or mentally abused at practices, but when it was time to call out the team for playing poorly it was done.

Back in the day stories are not relevant. Not as many players, not as much money, travel, time, D1 commits involved. Apples and Oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 to both above posts. Look: when you join a team that is not Rec, what you year is it’s all about your DCs development. You watch and wait. Then after a while you realize that all is not quite as it seems. Let’s say, the biggest players always start. Or at U11 or U10, the kids never play different positions. Or, playing time is a serious issue (which is never ok at very young ages). You raise this to the coach and they say, I’m the coach. Not you. Or you raise to the club and they say, it is at the coach’s discretion. You could leave, but now your DC has friends. And at least the downsides are known. Who would now trust another club or coach to be honest? How do you know the difference? All most of us want is for our kids to learn, grow, and have a great time playing competitive soccer. Play in high school. Maybe college for a very few. The system seems designed to beat families down, to be honest. I should not have to talk to the coach to get my 9YO to see more than 15 minutes in a game. Or to play anything other than defense. He may not be the best on the team now, but he is also unlikely to improve much with that little time in game. So. What do you do?

EXCELLENT points!

"What do you do?"

What we did was try a few different clubs until we found the right fit. IF we could go back in time sure, we'd do a lot of things differently. But the lesson for DS has been this is a journey and to enjoy every moment of it. Embrace the grind. W's are nice, but they don't define you. Neither do the L's, the team/club you are on at the moment nor league they play in. There's a book to be written once our journey is done. The chapter on personal character lessons learned will be huge. We stress that he's going to hear a thousand "No's" before or if he ever get's a yes... DS has been VERY dedicated to doing the extra work outside club training. We tried a private trainer and quickly saw that wasn't $ustainable. He's taken drills and ideas from coaches, YouTube, etc. That's been the key to his climb through the ranks. As a highschooler he's done a ton of trials to include MUCH higher level clubs in/outside the area. It's nice to see how he stacks up and gain comfort in the unfamiliar and potentially stressful tryout environment.

Same thing we have done with our sons. My HS kid can now role into tryouts anywhere confident. He is now seeing the fruits of that grit and hard work pay off. He handled some pretty sh*tty situations much better than I would have at his young ages and didn't let it get him down. Along the way, I made sure to find mentors for him that truly believed in him. One happened to be the U9 Coach his first year of travel. He trained with him for years after they both left the Club and he left Coaching completely. He has been a great role model all of these years and could always make him feel better about a lot of the nonsense that goes on in travel soccer. There are good people in this sport.

One thing I always did for my son was to show how things that seemed crappy at the time, ultimately ended up making him a much better player because it forced him to go find other options. Every.single.one of those times were for the better. He ended up in better situations and grew more as a player and got what he needed in that point in time. Adversity can be very good for growth and mental toughness. Those are truly great life lessons.

There is something immensely satisfying in proving people wrong.

Not a recipe for a happy life.

Scoring a hat trick against the former douche coach that wronged you is fun!

Or even better hearing he was fired!!!!

Who are we talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see it from a different perspective. It should be about the Coach and the Player only. Communication should only happen between Coach and Player only.

- Parents should have no involvement in team management and should only be able to meet with the Coach with the Player and Staffer if a meeting is needed.
- It's up to your DC to speak up if they aren't getting playing time, ask what skills they should be working on outside of practice, etc. If parents need to say something to the coach it will have to come from player or setup meeting.
- Parents should not be recommending guest players to a Coach - again parents should have no involvement in the team decisions or who the coach should look at. Parents should only be driving the kid to practice/games and cheering them on the sidelines.
- I don't think a coach needs to justify decisions being made. He is the coach and will do what's needed (within reason) to get the W.

Parents are just in the way of the kid's development and progress in the sport if they have involvement. When your kid goes off to play in college/pro's are mommy and daddy going to be there to fight for playing time or making decisions for them? Might as well let them make the mistakes now so they can learn from them and not from you telling them what to do. If your kid wants to play at the next level they will work hard and do what they need to do to get there.

This is all wrong. These are children, not fully mature and brain developed adults. Just like a parent / teacher conference is held for school, a parent / coach conference should be held for paid soccer. The focus should be on the individual child and not the team's performance or other players. Also, as the kid hits freshman year (U15, i.e. 14 year olds) then the Coach/Parent one on one meetings can stop, but the coach should have one parent - coach (no players) meeting per season so that the adults can talk freely. Like back-to-school night. This is not overburdensome, at all. I know. I've coached, I've played, I've managed. This is easy to do. Its just that many prima donna coaches are incapable of dealing with adults in a professional manner, but are fine dealing with little children who are scared of them. Maybe they could learn a thing or two from public school teachers.

As far as youth coaching being all about the "W", nothing could be further from the truth. Youth coaching is about teaching and developing both individually and as a team. Outside of putting kids in optimal positions and deciding on playing time, the players determine the W. This is not college or the pros. Nothing is on the line here other than kids learning. Just as a teacher doesn't give kids an answer on a test, a coach shouldn't joystick players in a game. As far as those that will say ... but, but, if my kids team doesn't win then they won't be in front of college coaches and he/she wont get a full ride ... that again is foolishness. It is up to your kid to stand out in a game or ID camp, etc. The coach (and/or club TD) only role there is to provide connections and recommendations to potential coaches, if they state they offer that service for the money. If the coach is any good at teaching, the team will get enough W's along the way. If not, they either won't win or they will play the recruiting kids from other teams game to mask their incompetence.

[Anonymous]

The following are good resources:

https://www.safesoccer.com/
US Soccer has a Minor Athlete Abuse Prevention Policy ("MAAPP"). Concerns can be reported online.

US Center for SafeSport
https://uscenterforsafesport.org/report-a-concern/

There is also a Parent's Guide to Misconduct in Sport, with age-specific training modules to help you determine what is appropriate coach behavior and what is not.
https://www.athletesafety.org/training/index

[Anonymous]

OP has left the forum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has left the forum

Praise be to the Lord!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were no player-coach or player-coach-parent or coach-parent conferences back in my travel days and I turned out fine.

No you didn't. Your potential was limited in the first place, but you failed even to approach it. You were a miserable, useless half-assed player who failed to develop. Spectators at your games needed to rehydrate at half time to replace all the tears they shed watching you balls everything up.

The coach coached, the kids played (some more than others), and the parents watched. And if the coach was pissed, the coach communicated that to the players with emotion but also constructively, even if it involved colorful metaphors. It was rare, so the players listened. We were not verbally or mentally abused at practices, but when it was time to call out the team for playing poorly it was done.

God you're a sanctomonious soul, aren't you?

You sucked. Your coach sucked. Your parents sucked. Your friends' parents sucked. Pretty much everyone sucked, except your girlfriend. Even she might have sucked except for the bad smell.

Uncalled for and not even funny. You suck at spelling by the way.

[Anonymous]

“Don’t AMA”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it from a different perspective. It should be about the Coach and the Player only. Communication should only happen between Coach and Player only.

- Parents should have no involvement in team management and should only be able to meet with the Coach with the Player and Staffer if a meeting is needed.
- It's up to your DC to speak up if they aren't getting playing time, ask what skills they should be working on outside of practice, etc. If parents need to say something to the coach it will have to come from player or setup meeting.
- Parents should not be recommending guest players to a Coach - again parents should have no involvement in the team decisions or who the coach should look at. Parents should only be driving the kid to practice/games and cheering them on the sidelines.
- I don't think a coach needs to justify decisions being made. He is the coach and will do what's needed (within reason) to get the W.

Parents are just in the way of the kid's development and progress in the sport if they have involvement. When your kid goes off to play in college/pro's are mommy and daddy going to be there to fight for playing time or making decisions for them? Might as well let them make the mistakes now so they can learn from them and not from you telling them what to do. If your kid wants to play at the next level they will work hard and do what they need to do to get there.

This is all wrong. These are children, not fully mature and brain developed adults. Just like a parent / teacher conference is held for school, a parent / coach conference should be held for paid soccer. The focus should be on the individual child and not the team's performance or other players. Also, as the kid hits freshman year (U15, i.e. 14 year olds) then the Coach/Parent one on one meetings can stop, but the coach should have one parent - coach (no players) meeting per season so that the adults can talk freely. Like back-to-school night. This is not overburdensome, at all. I know. I've coached, I've played, I've managed. This is easy to do. Its just that many prima donna coaches are incapable of dealing with adults in a professional manner, but are fine dealing with little children who are scared of them. Maybe they could learn a thing or two from public school teachers.

As far as youth coaching being all about the "W", nothing could be further from the truth. Youth coaching is about teaching and developing both individually and as a team. Outside of putting kids in optimal positions and deciding on playing time, the players determine the W. This is not college or the pros. Nothing is on the line here other than kids learning. Just as a teacher doesn't give kids an answer on a test, a coach shouldn't joystick players in a game. As far as those that will say ... but, but, if my kids team doesn't win then they won't be in front of college coaches and he/she wont get a full ride ... that again is foolishness. It is up to your kid to stand out in a game or ID camp, etc. The coach (and/or club TD) only role there is to provide connections and recommendations to potential coaches, if they state they offer that service for the money. If the coach is any good at teaching, the team will get enough W's along the way. If not, they either won't win or they will play the recruiting kids from other teams game to mask their incompetence.

Have fun raising a snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Long time travel soccer parent here. Never really found the evals helpful. The day to day coaching is how they learn, with immediate, constructive feedback. Not by a report card at the end of the season.

Always enjoyed sitting down and talking with coaches about my kid though.

[Anonymous]

Put your kid in bubble wrap and then you can try out for McLean boys ecnl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Or even better hearing he was fired!!!!

Who are we talking about?

JB

[Anonymous]

It’s funny that you think a good coach the teaches soccer is a bubble wrap and some how makes a kid a snowflake. But then again your low IQ probably can’t comprehend my post. I said nothing about being tough or being hard on kids, which can be done without useless, mindless screaming. Then again you probably prefer Woody Hayes over Nick Saban.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The following are good resources:

https://www.safesoccer.com/
US Soccer has a Minor Athlete Abuse Prevention Policy ("MAAPP"). Concerns can be reported online.

US Center for SafeSport
https://uscenterforsafesport.org/report-a-concern/

There is also a Parent's Guide to Misconduct in Sport, with age-specific training modules to help you determine what is appropriate coach behavior and what is not.
https://www.athletesafety.org/training/index

You can report all you want. If something inappropriate happened to my kid I'm going straight to the source and it won't be pretty. You as a parent should know right from wrong. Stand up for yourself and your family. All the laws in the world do not stand in the way of mano a mano.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny that you think a good coach the teaches soccer is a bubble wrap and some how makes a kid a snowflake. But then again your low IQ probably can’t comprehend my post. I said nothing about being tough or being hard on kids, which can be done without useless, mindless screaming. Then again you probably prefer Woody Hayes over Nick Saban.

Haaaaaaaaa hahahahaaha that’s the funniest thing I’ve read on this forum YET! Nick, who started coaching for Woody’s guy Earle Bruce...... Ole Saint Nick 🤣🙄🙄🙄