How are you raising your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will to you outright that I am a coach.
I have actually been brought up in this forum a few times- some good, some bad. It is what it is.
Some of you folks, not all, really need to take an inventory of your lives.
I will bet that some of you, if asked, would say "Soccer isn't life. It needs to be kept in perspective" then you come rushing on here to bash your kids coach or, even worse, utilize the anonymity of the forum to cast aspersions on other teams. Sick.
Grow up will you?
I actually know of at least three parents who posted so obviously that they got caught by their kid's coach. How incredibly shameful and embarassing that must be.
Thanks to all of you who come here intelligently and contribute to the advancement of soccer

I know who the OP is based on the writing style. You’ve always had a way with words. If only you could use those same communication skills with your teams.

Is it a Fairfax County club? Man or woman? TD or just a coach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, people. This is kid soccer. Get a life. In all likelihood, your kid will graduate from high school and never play competitively again. You will have wasted years of your life on this forum rehashing petty grievances that will mean nothing in the end. And no matter what you tell yourselves, this isn't good for your kids. You are doing this for YOU.

.

Most of the people on this forum will have kids play in college. Look at the GA and enclosed stats for this area....on average of the kids play in college.

Don't buy that for a second. Do you actually know who is on this forum?

I know who I am. And I'm pretty sure I've figured out who you are. I'm not sure who the other one is though. Still, since he thinks his kid is going to college, that's two of us at least which is 67%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will to you outright that I am a coach.
I have actually been brought up in this forum a few times- some good, some bad. It is what it is.
Some of you folks, not all, really need to take an inventory of your lives.
I will bet that some of you, if asked, would say "Soccer isn't life. It needs to be kept in perspective" then you come rushing on here to bash your kids coach or, even worse, utilize the anonymity of the forum to cast aspersions on other teams. Sick.
Grow up will you?
I actually know of at least three parents who posted so obviously that they got caught by their kid's coach. How incredibly shameful and embarassing that must be.
Thanks to all of you who come here intelligently and contribute to the advancement of soccer

I know who the OP is based on the writing style. You’ve always had a way with words. If only you could use those same communication skills with your teams.

Is it a Fairfax County club? Man or woman? TD or just a coach?

Yeah by your questions I think we’re thinking about the same person. I don’t want you to put all their business out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been around this now for many years.

Not sure who is worse, the coaches or the parents. But I will say this, the parents have emotion as an excuse. They are not the supposed professionals in this relationship. The coaches have two jobs: 1) To teach the kids; 2) to communicate in a professional and thoughtful and open manner to their paying customers (the parents). At the older ages at the higher levels they should also connect top kids with college coaches. Winning is tertiary, but nice to also achieve. If they are doing the first two things it is likely that will be true too.

The coaches in this area are by and large excellent and far better than when I played. The parents are far worse. I am one of them and part of the problem. I think we need to temper our expectations for how our kids will turn out and substantially raise our expectations for how much our kids should be accountable for their own development. The same is true in education. The same chronic expectation of perfection for others to produce great results for our kids with minimal stress and accountability for our kids in classrooms is played out in athletics. There has never been a better infrastructure for success in athletics and education matched with an equally impoverished environment at home for breeding autonomy, independent decision making, and excellence.

I agree with you on some of your points. Kids should be accountable for some of their own soccer development, but so should a coach. When I played the coaches weren’t paid and many of them had never played. So of course today’s coaches on par are better. But they should be. I am not asking for “great” but rather “good” and also courteous, thoughtful, and customer focused instead of arrogant, secretive, and petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can imagine the OP with their head in their palms like “forget it” this whole platform is so funny to me. I come on to get my daily laughs. When people don’t have problems they make them.

Me too. Sometimes I post useful stuff - if I think someone has a genuine question. Other times - if I think someone is a troll, then I troll right back. Half these posts - maybe three quarters - are not serious.

Sadly, I don't think they are trolls. A lot of psycho soccer parents out there who think their kid is the next Christian Pulisic or Alex Morgan. Someday they'll look back on this and realize how delusional they were. Until then, it's fun to watch!

Of course someone's kid might actually be the next Christian Pulisic. the odds are probably reasonable that there's one kid in this area right now who will end up playing in Europe.

I agree. But that kids parents know their talent and don't feel the need to s**t on others kids just trying to have fun. Although I feel most of the kids of people this on forum are doing this to please their parents.

And I am sharing this from experience. My kid played at a very high level for years and just recently told me that they, while they loved it at first, felt it became too much for them. They didn't want to disappoint us by quitting, so they dealt with - including club hopping to a more competitive team - I felt terrible - I had always thought they'd loved it. They are now excelling in another sport and so very happy.

So, please ask your kids what they want. Not what you want them to be. My kid was a really talented soccer player, but ultimately it wasn't their passion. It took some time for us as parents to come to terms with that because we thought they'd be at least playing college. But it is not our life to live.

[Anonymous]

Ok so GFR parent vented on this forum, big baby coach got upset someone finally called him out, kicked kid off the team for his parents freedom of speech, and then comes on this forum and does the EXACT SAME THING?? Gotta love it. GFR parent you dodged a bullet by getting your kid out of a bad situation.

[Anonymous]

You are this guy:

So much of ire on here is, rightly, focused on *some* parents of kids in travel soccer. We just played Great Fall Reston 2011 B team and watched their coach scream at and demean a bunch of 9 year old kids for a full hour. Some raw talent on that team but the coach is clearly “going through some things”. Referee had a few eye-rolls and choice comments to parents on the side-line but effectively no oversight on professionalism of coaches - other than parents. Screamed at every kid on his team, some of our team, and the ref, not a single positive or constructive comment all game. We tied them due to two dumb mistakes on their part, but no wonder given the pressure. We’d bail on a coach like that - and feel fortunate with our set-up - but makes you reflect how much latitude we are giving these adults to exhibit behavior with children that would be totally unacceptable in any other context.

[Anonymous]

Not so sure I would be in here defending myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only allegiance I want my coach to have is to winning.

I prefer a coach who despise talking to parents. All parents. No favorites. No politics.

Winning. That’s it

meh. nothing angers me more than a coach who hides behind the policy of talking to players only to avoid a difficult subject with a parent. This is a service industry in which the parents are the customers, not the players. Too often coaches do not have enough respect for parents. I agree that parents should not go off half cocked, and these few bad cases are very likely coloring the picture of all parents as lunatics, but coaches need to man up as well.
With regard to posts on DCUM, nobody, including coaches should take anything on here seriously. This forum is not real life, so coach ... lighten up.

You have a point. Too many coaches automatically take a militant attitude with parents. Fair enough. But, coaches don't flock here to issue half-cocked innuendos assassinating parents. If we did, we may run out of space. I once kicked a kid off my team in the middle of a game. The player had been warned and warned but exhibited a poor attitude and, when I took him or her off the field, he or she threw a temper tantrum. I told the player (17) to pick up their bag and hit the road. It was incredibly gratifying, but not as gratifying as dealing with the parents when they called to complain that I had sent their little brat packing. They said to me "You are supposed to be the adult" to which I responded "Well, so are you, and you raised a little monster. Get it together before that kid ends up in jail". I refused to give them their money back as I had put the kid on a behavior contract and clearly outlined the expectations. All of a sudden, my name started getting trashed on the old forum. Pretty hard to figure out who it was huh? Oh, and the kid did end up in jail. I tried to tell them. Oh, and the rest of the players and the rest of the parents loved me for doing it

You have one example of a bad apple. We have thousands of examples of terrible coaching and money management and abusive tactics. Read thru the forum.

Abusive tactics. Did you leave right away? Seems like that would be the responsible thing to do.. Thousands of examples... please. This is a select group of loudmouth accentuated by the occasional irate Karen. At least, that is the makeup of the coach and childbashers. There are also good threads here

I would bet that 99% of these posts are by men not women. And now you can count yourself as one.

Karens can be either

Chad’s. They’re Chad’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only allegiance I want my coach to have is to winning.

I prefer a coach who despise talking to parents. All parents. No favorites. No politics.

Winning. That’s it

meh. nothing angers me more than a coach who hides behind the policy of talking to players only to avoid a difficult subject with a parent. This is a service industry in which the parents are the customers, not the players. Too often coaches do not have enough respect for parents. I agree that parents should not go off half cocked, and these few bad cases are very likely coloring the picture of all parents as lunatics, but coaches need to man up as well.
With regard to posts on DCUM, nobody, including coaches should take anything on here seriously. This forum is not real life, so coach ... lighten up.

You have a point. Too many coaches automatically take a militant attitude with parents. Fair enough. But, coaches don't flock here to issue half-cocked innuendos assassinating parents. If we did, we may run out of space. I once kicked a kid off my team in the middle of a game. The player had been warned and warned but exhibited a poor attitude and, when I took him or her off the field, he or she threw a temper tantrum. I told the player (17) to pick up their bag and hit the road. It was incredibly gratifying, but not as gratifying as dealing with the parents when they called to complain that I had sent their little brat packing. They said to me "You are supposed to be the adult" to which I responded "Well, so are you, and you raised a little monster. Get it together before that kid ends up in jail". I refused to give them their money back as I had put the kid on a behavior contract and clearly outlined the expectations. All of a sudden, my name started getting trashed on the old forum. Pretty hard to figure out who it was huh? Oh, and the kid did end up in jail. I tried to tell them. Oh, and the rest of the players and the rest of the parents loved me for doing it

You have one example of a bad apple. We have thousands of examples of terrible coaching and money management and abusive tactics. Read thru the forum.

Abusive tactics. Did you leave right away? Seems like that would be the responsible thing to do.. Thousands of examples... please. This is a select group of loudmouth accentuated by the occasional irate Karen. At least, that is the makeup of the coach and childbashers. There are also good threads here

I would bet that 99% of these posts are by men not women. And now you can count yourself as one.

Karens can be either

Chad’s. They’re Chad’s.

Someone older out there is going to start talking about hanging chads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only allegiance I want my coach to have is to winning.

I prefer a coach who despise talking to parents. All parents. No favorites. No politics.

Winning. That’s it

That’s not it. Don’t worry about winning if players are developing, learning, growing. My favorite seasons are the 4-6-2 type of seasons, with a couple of butt kickings mixed in. Enough wins to not be demoralized, but plenty of opportunities to see where improvement is needed.

Losing mentality is becoming common place.

Losing is not developing. That’s a BS lie told to non-competitive parents.

Soccer parents seem to buy this line more than anyone else.

You have no idea what you’re talking about. BTW, which clubs do your kids play for, club hopper?

You seem defensive. That’s my opinion. You don’t like it? Oh well....

And for the record, I know exactly what I’m talking about.

Losing is not developing.

Nor does winning when only half of the team players participated or when you bring guest players. Dirty dirty dirty practices.

I’m not talking about winning at all cost. I’m talking about losing as it’s part of a development plan.

You will some you lose some. Your post makes it sound like folks prefer losing as part of development, like purposely coaching to lose. You sound ignorant. Rotating players at younger ages, letting kids play through mistakes to see how they respond etc is more important even if it results in a loss than just winning to win. You didn’t say winning at all costs but you didn’t have to—it’s implied even if you say it’s not. Of course coaches and players want to win.

This "losing for development" stuff is largely BS. Yes - a really good coach will indeed encourage kids to play through mistakes and lose some games as the kids develop. But it shouldn't go on for a whole season or more. The devlopment should mean that the team is performing at a higher level by mid-season than it otherwise would have done. If you're still "losing in order to develop" at the end of the season either the coach isn't all that good or the players are just overmatched.

Agreed.

Losing can also hamper confidence in your players and that is something that cannot be fixed through training etc. Player confidence is built through experience IMO.

[Anonymous]

Meh.
I do agree that some parents are out of control as are some kids. However, many clubs have given up on development and parents are tired of shelling out thousands of dollars to have coaches who yell and scream at kids if they screw up but won't spend the time to help them grow. Youth soccer is toxic and coaches are part of the problem too.

[Anonymous]

Omg, this is terrifying. My dd just got into u9 and now I’m questioning our decision to join. It’s a game, people! I just want her to get exercise and make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, this is terrifying. My dd just got into u9 and now I’m questioning our decision to join. It’s a game, people! I just want her to get exercise and make friends.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, this is terrifying. My dd just got into u9 and now I’m questioning our decision to join. It’s a game, people! I just want her to get exercise and make friends.

Then rec soccer is your choice.