Child free women trying to co-opt Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

Yes, moms are boring and frumpy and childless women are all attractive and leading interesting and adventurous lives. Yawn. Think of how many of the mostt desirable and attractive celebrities are moms, and the way childfree celebs like Jennifer Aniston are treated. But surrre.

Who cares what someone else’s opinion is on a woman’s desirability and attractiveness. You sound very insecure. I do agree with you that childfree women are adventurous and lead interesting lives. As for physical attractiveness, it fades over time for everyone if we are lucky enough to live that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG why do you care what other people do?

- mom of two humans

This! Coming from a secure confident mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

+1

[Anonymous]

This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

Sometime we need some mindless entertainment! Chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

I'm one of the people arguing in OP's favor. And I actually hate mother's day because mostly I am always stressed out about my mother and MIL and stepmother who will all be disappointed to different levels of crazy if not acknowledged. I have three kids of my own. I do not really CARE so to speak how other people spend mother's day. Someone posting about their dogs like, whatever I'll roll my eyes but it isn't keeping me up at night (I also have dogs that I love very deeply).

But when it is proposed as a question in abstract, this bothers me, particularly about mother's day. Because there is almost nothing else like this, a day/month/whatever designed to honor a group, where it is so acceptable for others to barge in. No one tries to hone in on Father's Day. No Latino people are arguing they should be honored during black history month. And in fact, when someone starts griping about how their should be a white history month they are mocked and told to get a life (as they should be).

And its because its about women, and women always get the shaft. Women's work is devalued and diluted all the time. And it just feels like another instance of devaluing women's work. Anyone can be a mom! Raising a dog is just like raising a kid, being an aunt is just like raising a kid blah blah blah. It is so rare that we celebrate women with vigor and specificity. Why not have an aunts day to celebrate pp's fantastic aunt who supports her entire family? That is a legitimately different thing, and that doesn't make it a lesser thing, just a different thing. Why not have a pet parent day? Celebrating animals. That would be fine and great. Why is it mother's day that is supposed to absorb all these other people who want to be honored and probably should be honored with a day but are not. Because that is what being a mother is like, taking on the emotional needs of others and putting them before your own. It's just the whole thing philosophically that bothers me.

And I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an insecure loser but I really don't care much about the day itself. My family made me breakfast and DH let me sleep in, we didn't have some huge thing, and I was thrilled with it. So this isn't sour grapes, it is legitimately just a philosophical issue with how Mother's day gets co opted in a way that no other days do. Even 'galentines day' chose to be on February 13!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

None of you have any reading comprehension. I would also be totally fine with that party, as I said there and in my follow up, if that was the party I was expecting to go with. In fact, if given the choice between the two, I'd pick the group party every day of the week. But if it was presented one way and turned out to be another, I wouldn't. And I doubt posters that say they would be fine with someone acting like they were going to celebrate you and then actually lumping you in with 10 other people. If you showed up on your wedding day and two other couples were getting married, I bet you'd be a little WTF about it.

So in this analogy, Mother's Day is your wedding and other people celebrating it in a way that you turn your nose at makes YOUR wedding less special?

The thing is that the greater world isn't obligated to honor YOUR BIG DAY - be it your wedding, your birthday, or Mother's Day - but refraining from enjoying themselves that day in ways that you disapprove of.

I guess if your spouse decided to invite some dog moms over to your house to celebrate Mother's Day with you and gave them all diamond tennis bracelets, then I could understand your analogy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

I'm one of the people arguing in OP's favor. And I actually hate mother's day because mostly I am always stressed out about my mother and MIL and stepmother who will all be disappointed to different levels of crazy if not acknowledged. I have three kids of my own. I do not really CARE so to speak how other people spend mother's day. Someone posting about their dogs like, whatever I'll roll my eyes but it isn't keeping me up at night (I also have dogs that I love very deeply).

But when it is proposed as a question in abstract, this bothers me, particularly about mother's day. Because there is almost nothing else like this, a day/month/whatever designed to honor a group, where it is so acceptable for others to barge in. No one tries to hone in on Father's Day. No Latino people are arguing they should be honored during black history month. And in fact, when someone starts griping about how their should be a white history month they are mocked and told to get a life (as they should be).

And its because its about women, and women always get the shaft. Women's work is devalued and diluted all the time. And it just feels like another instance of devaluing women's work. Anyone can be a mom! Raising a dog is just like raising a kid, being an aunt is just like raising a kid blah blah blah. It is so rare that we celebrate women with vigor and specificity. Why not have an aunts day to celebrate pp's fantastic aunt who supports her entire family? That is a legitimately different thing, and that doesn't make it a lesser thing, just a different thing. Why not have a pet parent day? Celebrating animals. That would be fine and great. Why is it mother's day that is supposed to absorb all these other people who want to be honored and probably should be honored with a day but are not. Because that is what being a mother is like, taking on the emotional needs of others and putting them before your own. It's just the whole thing philosophically that bothers me.

And I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an insecure loser but I really don't care much about the day itself. My family made me breakfast and DH let me sleep in, we didn't have some huge thing, and I was thrilled with it. So this isn't sour grapes, it is legitimately just a philosophical issue with how Mother's day gets co opted in a way that no other days do. Even 'galentines day' chose to be on February 13!

You sound like you feel very devalued. I think you should take a hard look a how your husband and Immediate family treat you to feel this way and try to fix that. Society really does not care what you are doing. There are a lot of mom’s (and on this thread) that sound happy and are “to each their own” type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

I'm one of the people arguing in OP's favor. And I actually hate mother's day because mostly I am always stressed out about my mother and MIL and stepmother who will all be disappointed to different levels of crazy if not acknowledged. I have three kids of my own. I do not really CARE so to speak how other people spend mother's day. Someone posting about their dogs like, whatever I'll roll my eyes but it isn't keeping me up at night (I also have dogs that I love very deeply).

But when it is proposed as a question in abstract, this bothers me, particularly about mother's day. Because there is almost nothing else like this, a day/month/whatever designed to honor a group, where it is so acceptable for others to barge in. No one tries to hone in on Father's Day. No Latino people are arguing they should be honored during black history month. And in fact, when someone starts griping about how their should be a white history month they are mocked and told to get a life (as they should be).

And its because its about women, and women always get the shaft. Women's work is devalued and diluted all the time. And it just feels like another instance of devaluing women's work. Anyone can be a mom! Raising a dog is just like raising a kid, being an aunt is just like raising a kid blah blah blah. It is so rare that we celebrate women with vigor and specificity. Why not have an aunts day to celebrate pp's fantastic aunt who supports her entire family? That is a legitimately different thing, and that doesn't make it a lesser thing, just a different thing. Why not have a pet parent day? Celebrating animals. That would be fine and great. Why is it mother's day that is supposed to absorb all these other people who want to be honored and probably should be honored with a day but are not. Because that is what being a mother is like, taking on the emotional needs of others and putting them before your own. It's just the whole thing philosophically that bothers me.

And I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an insecure loser but I really don't care much about the day itself. My family made me breakfast and DH let me sleep in, we didn't have some huge thing, and I was thrilled with it. So this isn't sour grapes, it is legitimately just a philosophical issue with how Mother's day gets co opted in a way that no other days do. Even 'galentines day' chose to be on February 13!

You sound like you feel very devalued. I think you should take a hard look a how your husband and Immediate family treat you to feel this way and try to fix that. Society really does not care what you are doing. There are a lot of mom’s (and on this thread) that sound happy and are “to each their own” type.

I do not feel at all devalued. As I said. My husband and I have a fantastic marriage and I had a fantastic mother's day. This feeling has nothing to do with my own life, it is more a feminist rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

None of you have any reading comprehension. I would also be totally fine with that party, as I said there and in my follow up, if that was the party I was expecting to go with. In fact, if given the choice between the two, I'd pick the group party every day of the week. But if it was presented one way and turned out to be another, I wouldn't. And I doubt posters that say they would be fine with someone acting like they were going to celebrate you and then actually lumping you in with 10 other people. If you showed up on your wedding day and two other couples were getting married, I bet you'd be a little WTF about it.

So in this analogy, Mother's Day is your wedding and other people celebrating it in a way that you turn your nose at makes YOUR wedding less special?

The thing is that the greater world isn't obligated to honor YOUR BIG DAY - be it your wedding, your birthday, or Mother's Day - but refraining from enjoying themselves that day in ways that you disapprove of.

I guess if your spouse decided to invite some dog moms over to your house to celebrate Mother's Day with you and gave them all diamond tennis bracelets, then I could understand your analogy?

No they are NOT obligated to honor my big day. Of course they are not. Which is why the IMPORTANT piece here is that it is mother's day. Or it is your wedding day. And you have a plan/expectations/whatever that are tied to what the day is. Take it out of the context of things you think are stupid and self serving to begin with. What would you think of someone trying to have a march celebrating Abe Lincoln on MLK day? Abe Lincoln is GREAT AND IMPORTANT. But making a day that is supposed to honor a key black activist about a white activist seems crappy. Both people are good! But you don't co opt the day of specificity because it takes away from the meaning of supporting MLK.

So if I planned my wedding to be my wedding, and then someone else was getting married at the exact same place and I had to share the space, I would be annoyed because my expectation was that I was going to have my wedding there alone. No one is obligated to come to my wedding but me! No one is obligated to celebrate it unless they want to.

I feel like people are intentionally misunderstanding my argument to mean that I personally or mothers specifically need a big to do. That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying if you go up to person x and say, "person x, we appreciate you so much and are honoring you in a meaningful way on friday at 2pm" and person x shows up and he's one of 100 people being honored and they barely say his name because so many other people are there, he's not going to feel honored. Whether he deserved the honor in the first place is irrelevant, one supposes that by including him and reaching out to him you INTENDED to honor him. And then devalued that honoring by not telling him he was one of 100 honorees, you let him walk in thinking he was the star of the show.

[Anonymous]

What's odder, to me, are the people who wish me a Happy Mothers Day. I am childless, not by choice, why do you need to remind me of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

None of you have any reading comprehension. I would also be totally fine with that party, as I said there and in my follow up, if that was the party I was expecting to go with. In fact, if given the choice between the two, I'd pick the group party every day of the week. But if it was presented one way and turned out to be another, I wouldn't. And I doubt posters that say they would be fine with someone acting like they were going to celebrate you and then actually lumping you in with 10 other people. If you showed up on your wedding day and two other couples were getting married, I bet you'd be a little WTF about it.

You seem to think that because people disagree with you that they don't understand what you are saying. That is incorrect- we are saying we wouldn't care about either party. If you tell me that you will celebrate my birthday and when I get there you are lumping me in with ten other people I would shrug, say "Happy birthday" to the other ten people and have a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

None of you have any reading comprehension. I would also be totally fine with that party, as I said there and in my follow up, if that was the party I was expecting to go with. In fact, if given the choice between the two, I'd pick the group party every day of the week. But if it was presented one way and turned out to be another, I wouldn't. And I doubt posters that say they would be fine with someone acting like they were going to celebrate you and then actually lumping you in with 10 other people. If you showed up on your wedding day and two other couples were getting married, I bet you'd be a little WTF about it.

You seem to think that because people disagree with you that they don't understand what you are saying. That is incorrect- we are saying we wouldn't care about either party. If you tell me that you will celebrate my birthday and when I get there you are lumping me in with ten other people I would shrug, say "Happy birthday" to the other ten people and have a good time.

That's not what the post I responded to said. The bold seems to specifically anchor in the idea that my post was about which party was better, which is not what it was about. I think some people may not care but they are in the minority. And as I've tried to make clear via other examples, my point is not about the birthday party but the more general idea. You may disagree that is fine but this is the first time you've articulated a disagreement with my actual point instead of picking apart my example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the top 10 dumbest threats on DCUM.

I guess we’ve decided to take a break from the WOH versus SAHM cage match and switch to moms versus child free.

How anyone else celebrates their Mother’s Day, or what they say about it, does not affect me.

Whether or not other people choose to have children, and whether or not they look good while doing it or not doing it, also has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t get the people who apparently have so little conflict in their life that they need to invent some.

I'm one of the people arguing in OP's favor. And I actually hate mother's day because mostly I am always stressed out about my mother and MIL and stepmother who will all be disappointed to different levels of crazy if not acknowledged. I have three kids of my own. I do not really CARE so to speak how other people spend mother's day. Someone posting about their dogs like, whatever I'll roll my eyes but it isn't keeping me up at night (I also have dogs that I love very deeply).

But when it is proposed as a question in abstract, this bothers me, particularly about mother's day. Because there is almost nothing else like this, a day/month/whatever designed to honor a group, where it is so acceptable for others to barge in. No one tries to hone in on Father's Day. No Latino people are arguing they should be honored during black history month. And in fact, when someone starts griping about how their should be a white history month they are mocked and told to get a life (as they should be).

And its because its about women, and women always get the shaft. Women's work is devalued and diluted all the time. And it just feels like another instance of devaluing women's work. Anyone can be a mom! Raising a dog is just like raising a kid, being an aunt is just like raising a kid blah blah blah. It is so rare that we celebrate women with vigor and specificity. Why not have an aunts day to celebrate pp's fantastic aunt who supports her entire family? That is a legitimately different thing, and that doesn't make it a lesser thing, just a different thing. Why not have a pet parent day? Celebrating animals. That would be fine and great. Why is it mother's day that is supposed to absorb all these other people who want to be honored and probably should be honored with a day but are not. Because that is what being a mother is like, taking on the emotional needs of others and putting them before your own. It's just the whole thing philosophically that bothers me.

And I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an insecure loser but I really don't care much about the day itself. My family made me breakfast and DH let me sleep in, we didn't have some huge thing, and I was thrilled with it. So this isn't sour grapes, it is legitimately just a philosophical issue with how Mother's day gets co opted in a way that no other days do. Even 'galentines day' chose to be on February 13!

NP. I'm with you. That's why it annoys me too. Mothers' Day is, in part, to honor the sacrifice and work that mothers put in for their children and families. Acting like raising a dog is the same thing is obnoxious.

And OP is SPECIFICALLY talking about people who generally hate kids, use the word "mom" as an insult 364 days of the year, but then try to call themselves mothers one day a year to get attention.

I'm seriously rolling my eyes at all of you saying "who cares what other people do?!" I mean, this is DCUM. You all care or you wouldn't be here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog moms ewww those people are so annoying. Animals aren’t kids.

“Ewww”? Are you 12?

“Dog mom?” Are YOU 12???

Sometimes, I wonder about the emotional maturity of people who are this obsessed with their animals.

I wonder the very same about people who are obsessed with their children.

Lolz whutttt? As in like human children that come from our bodies and share our DNA? Yeah...I guess I’m a little obsessed but sure go get Floofy a little costume and go poop outside. Damn dog moms are so out of touch of reality.