Child free women trying to co-opt Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I honestly wouldn't care at all if I was invited to a party for my birthday and there were other people there celebrating their birthdays too. Really, a party with 20 other people at it is sucky just because you can't be the complete center of attention? Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my college aged ds signed my card

"Love,

Your Favorite Child,

and Paul."

With a pawprint. Because my favorite child is my dcat. Paul knows that I love him almost as much as his sister (dcat).

We're kind of joking.

But my ds and I kind of play this up because I have an uptight friend like you, and she absolutely does NOT get the joke when my ds talks about his "sister." Isn't it possible some of these women are goading you a bit, for fun?

This made me smile. We have cats too and while our DS is old enough to know who’s favorite he’s not quite yet writing those cards. In a few years perhaps

[Anonymous]

How about the transmen mad about mother’s day? that’s my personal favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

Yes, moms are boring and frumpy and childless women are all attractive and leading interesting and adventurous lives. Yawn. Think of how many of the mostt desirable and attractive celebrities are moms, and the way childfree celebs like Jennifer Aniston are treated. But surrre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about the transmen mad about mother’s day? that’s my personal favorite.

I'm married to a transman who gave birth to our child before transitioning. Mother's Day for him is mostly marked by worse than usual gender dysphoria and depersonalization. It's one of the worst days of the year for him, but we have to get through it. We make our calls to grandma and count it a success if we can leave the house without anyone wishing him a happy Mother's Day. I'm glad for anyone for whom Mother's Day is a joyous holiday and, we do celebrate with extended family, but it's a genuinely hard day in my house. Just a reminder that you're "personal favorite" to roll your eyes about is grounded in the actual suffering of real people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I honestly wouldn't care at all if I was invited to a party for my birthday and there were other people there celebrating their birthdays too. Really, a party with 20 other people at it is sucky just because you can't be the complete center of attention? Who cares?

Most people would not. As I said, if that's what it was sold as up front then sure that's great. Personally I'd prefer a mass party like that instead of my own. But if I was told this was being thrown to celebrate my birthday and me and a bunch of people co opted it that would annoy me. I'd wonder what the point was of telling me it was my birthday party if it was really just a big general birthday party. Most people in that situation would, perhaps counter intuitively, feel LESS valued than if there had been no party at all. Far less valued than if they had known it was a group party to begin with. If you tell someone you think they are special, and with your actions show them they are not, then you have made them feel bad, and worse for having gotten their hopes up in the first place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the transmen mad about mother’s day? that’s my personal favorite.

I'm married to a transman who gave birth to our child before transitioning. Mother's Day for him is mostly marked by worse than usual gender dysphoria and depersonalization. It's one of the worst days of the year for him, but we have to get through it. We make our calls to grandma and count it a success if we can leave the house without anyone wishing him a happy Mother's Day. I'm glad for anyone for whom Mother's Day is a joyous holiday and, we do celebrate with extended family, but it's a genuinely hard day in my house. Just a reminder that you're "personal favorite" to roll your eyes about is grounded in the actual suffering of real people.

I'm sorry that he's suffering. However, it does not follow that nobody should ever use the phrase "Mother's Day" or discuss "motherhood." Right?

[Anonymous]

OMG why do you care what other people do?

- mom of two humans

[Anonymous]

This seems incredibly cruel for no reason.

My sister cannot have children. She is not childless by choice, and she made peace with the fact many years ago.

Still she cares for my autistic nephew once a week so that his mom can have a break. They are best of friends, and he can be a handful.

In addition, my sister cares for my parents, grandmother, and childless aunt and uncle. She accompanies them to medical appointments as needed and spends time with each one on one, every week. I do not live in the same state, so I am unable to help. My brothers have large families, so they help in a limited fashion.

She also holds a full time job, and makes it to as many games and performances for my other brother's five children. She's the ultimate aunt, daughter, granddaughter and niece. She gets absolutely NO recognition in the form of mother's day, valentines day, etc.

She does not try to co-opt Mother's Day. But she is an amazing woman with so much on her plate, and she handles it with grace and understanding. If anyone writes an Aunt's post on her wall for mother's day, than so be it. She deserves every bit of recognition. Her plate is much fuller than mine, and I'm a mother to three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the transmen mad about mother’s day? that’s my personal favorite.

I'm married to a transman who gave birth to our child before transitioning. Mother's Day for him is mostly marked by worse than usual gender dysphoria and depersonalization. It's one of the worst days of the year for him, but we have to get through it. We make our calls to grandma and count it a success if we can leave the house without anyone wishing him a happy Mother's Day. I'm glad for anyone for whom Mother's Day is a joyous holiday and, we do celebrate with extended family, but it's a genuinely hard day in my house. Just a reminder that you're "personal favorite" to roll your eyes about is grounded in the actual suffering of real people.

I'm sorry that he's suffering. However, it does not follow that nobody should ever use the phrase "Mother's Day" or discuss "motherhood." Right?

Trans people aren't coming for Mother's Day. I've barely heard that idea suggested and every mainstream trans organization I've ever seen vocally celebrates Mother's Day as a way honor trans women who are mothers and supportive mothers of trans children. Laughing at a nonexistent complaint is another way of belittling people's actual suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the transmen mad about mother’s day? that’s my personal favorite.

I'm married to a transman who gave birth to our child before transitioning. Mother's Day for him is mostly marked by worse than usual gender dysphoria and depersonalization. It's one of the worst days of the year for him, but we have to get through it. We make our calls to grandma and count it a success if we can leave the house without anyone wishing him a happy Mother's Day. I'm glad for anyone for whom Mother's Day is a joyous holiday and, we do celebrate with extended family, but it's a genuinely hard day in my house. Just a reminder that you're "personal favorite" to roll your eyes about is grounded in the actual suffering of real people.

I don’t understand this at all. So he was born a woman which gave him the possibility to have his own child. And now that makes him sad and suffer? And if people acknowledge he’s a parent he suffers??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly cruel for no reason.

My sister cannot have children. She is not childless by choice, and she made peace with the fact many years ago.

Still she cares for my autistic nephew once a week so that his mom can have a break. They are best of friends, and he can be a handful.

In addition, my sister cares for my parents, grandmother, and childless aunt and uncle. She accompanies them to medical appointments as needed and spends time with each one on one, every week. I do not live in the same state, so I am unable to help. My brothers have large families, so they help in a limited fashion.

She also holds a full time job, and makes it to as many games and performances for my other brother's five children. She's the ultimate aunt, daughter, granddaughter and niece. She gets absolutely NO recognition in the form of mother's day, valentines day, etc.

She does not try to co-opt Mother's Day. But she is an amazing woman with so much on her plate, and she handles it with grace and understanding. If anyone writes an Aunt's post on her wall for mother's day, than so be it. She deserves every bit of recognition. Her plate is much fuller than mine, and I'm a mother to three.

This is an argument for the general idea that all of these token holidays are somewhat silly and the more important idea that people who give so much should be celebrated and appreciated with greater regularity than once a year with a card. I kind of agree with both of those things. But still there is no point to specificity of holiday if everyone can define themselves in that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly cruel for no reason.

My sister cannot have children. She is not childless by choice, and she made peace with the fact many years ago.

Still she cares for my autistic nephew once a week so that his mom can have a break. They are best of friends, and he can be a handful.

In addition, my sister cares for my parents, grandmother, and childless aunt and uncle. She accompanies them to medical appointments as needed and spends time with each one on one, every week. I do not live in the same state, so I am unable to help. My brothers have large families, so they help in a limited fashion.

She also holds a full time job, and makes it to as many games and performances for my other brother's five children. She's the ultimate aunt, daughter, granddaughter and niece. She gets absolutely NO recognition in the form of mother's day, valentines day, etc.

She does not try to co-opt Mother's Day. But she is an amazing woman with so much on her plate, and she handles it with grace and understanding. If anyone writes an Aunt's post on her wall for mother's day, than so be it. She deserves every bit of recognition. Her plate is much fuller than mine, and I'm a mother to three.

Your sister should absolutely be recognized and appreciated! I hope she is, in day-to-day life, or on her birthday or similar events. In fact, you should go call her right now and tell her how awesome she is

I personally think Mother’s Day (and Valentine’s Day) are lame. Appreciation should be year-round. I really wonder if those who don’t feel recognized by their loved ones in daily life get any true happiness from Mother’s Day? Personally, I just use it as an excuse to have a big family get-together and go out to brunch and have cake and get a spa gift card from DH. I don’t actually feel any more appreciated than I do the day before or after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, you sound jealous

Jealous....of women who consider their dogs to be the equivalent of a human child?

No. Jealous that she was smart enough to have dogs and not kids and lead an unencumbered adventurous life. Sorry you drank the kool-aid.

If someone told invited you to a birthday dinner and there were 20 other people there and they spent the whole party talking about how 9 other attendees also had birthdays within 6 months of yours and therefore it was their party too then it would be a sucky party for you. If you had been invited to a joint party from the start then hey, the more the merrier, super fun! But it was sold to you as specifically your birthday party. You got excited thinking about it in that context. What’s the point of having told you that if there were going to be 10 names on the cake?

What’s the point of Mother’s Day if it’s for every person that has taken care of another living thing.

Weirdly there aren’t a bunch of childless by choice dads coopting Father’s Day with pictures of their dogs. Because people don’t expect men to have to put their emotions aside for the emotional benefit of others.

I would be totally fine with that party, because I am a grown woman and I appreciate getting to see people but do not need to have a My Big Day birthday party any longer.

You people are very strange. Your life isn't any less because people with dogs are goofy on FB.

None of you have any reading comprehension. I would also be totally fine with that party, as I said there and in my follow up, if that was the party I was expecting to go with. In fact, if given the choice between the two, I'd pick the group party every day of the week. But if it was presented one way and turned out to be another, I wouldn't. And I doubt posters that say they would be fine with someone acting like they were going to celebrate you and then actually lumping you in with 10 other people. If you showed up on your wedding day and two other couples were getting married, I bet you'd be a little WTF about it.