Familiarity with a disruptive kid in the classroom (FCPS) - what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1-3 times a week is really not that frequent-how long are they sitting in the hall?

If the child has been at the school for several years, then everyone has just accepted the situation.

If the child is new to the school, they may be working on a behavioral plan or a move to a different school--those things take a really long time.

*I have four kids and not one of them has experienced desk throwing EVER. 1-3 times a week is not just frequent, it is a huge problem.

*there is absolutely no school in FCPS that appropriately serves the needs of 2E students. MoCo has a special program for gifted/LD students, which people criticize for not really being for gifted students. FCPS has nothing like that.

*one of my kids is in a private school and, while they may not "put up with that crap" like a PP richly said, there are plentiful low-level misbehaviors. It is clear to me that a huge number of people choose private for their ADHD/wiggly/challenging child to get the extra support and smaller classroom.

Low level misbehaving and wiggly ADHD kids are everywhere, private or public. The difference is that when a kid stabs a classmate in the arm with a pencil without any provocation, like what happened at our school last year, that child would be expelled in private, not just sent home for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, all of the speculation about the other child doesn't solve your problem. Here is how to solve your problem.

You immediately schedule an appointment with the Principal. At the meeting you tell the Principal that 1) your child feels unsafe and in danger on a daily basis, 2) your child is not able to learn because she is feeling unsafe and constantly on edge because she is concerned about being hurt or that another outburst will occur, and 3) your child needs a placement that provides her with the same gifted services but removed from the danger. It will help your case immeasurably if you document several instances that were particularly egregious and describe the negative impact on your child.

You should encourage other parents to go in and argue the same points. If enough voices are raised then the other child will be moved to a placement better suited to his needs. Until then the school system is content to let the situation occur. If there is not a major change in a week then you escalate.

In other words, right now the other child's parents are being the squeaky wheel. You need to out-squeak them.

In other words, you are advising OP to lie. The original post said "It has come to our attention that my child's classroom has a gifted child with social issues...Apparently this has been doing on since the beginning of the year but we just learned of it." Hard to believe it is having such an adverse impact on OP's child when nothing had been mentioned until now.

There is no liar here except you. You've conveniently left out the 2nd sentence. Here is OP's full 1st paragraph. I've highlighted the relevant sentences since you seem to have reading comprehension issues.

It has come to our attention that my child's classroom has a gifted child with social issues. He will attack other kids, throw desks and disrupt the classroom. Apparently this has been doing on since the beginning of the year but we just learned of it. We have asked our kid to tell us when these incidents happen and what they are. It happens as infrequently as once a week and as frequently as three times a week. When an incident happens they clear everyone else from the classroom and they sit in the hallway until the kid can be calmed down. No one can touch the kid and a counselor and principal are brought in.

Tell the truth, PP. Always. Shame on you for not telling the truth.

How does adding back in any of that change the fact that the parent just found out about this. Her kid can't be that traumatized if she never mentioned it before now! Therefore how can it be said the kid feels unsafe on a daily basis and is unable to learn?

Sure, go ahead and complain, and document. But do it honestly.

DP. Oh, come on. You are being truly awful here. I was sexually assaulted as a child, but was too scared to tell anyone for a very long time. Are you going to tell me too that I didn't feel unsafe and wasn't traumatized because I didn't tell anyone? Is that really your take on kids?

Are you actually comparing the behavior of a dysregulated child to that of an adult child molester/predator. Get help. Stop projecting.

I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a fellow student, not an adult. I went to school every day regardless. I told no adult because I was terrified. Your insistence that a child who doesn't talk about trauma at school isn't traumatized is horrific. You are truly an awful person.

Again get help. I am not an awful person and I think people need to be stop throwing around the trauma drama. It is trivializes true trauma victims. There are adults in the room tasked with protecting these kids. Nothing is happening behind closed doors in secret. You might not like how it is being addressed but it is being addressed.

New poster here - and yes, you are truly awful. YOU need to get help. How DARE you tell someone their trauma of repeated sexual assault is nothing but unnecessary "drama"?? I am astounded by how obtuse you are about the original post (the PP is right, just because the kid didn't start talking about it until now doesn't mean they weren't being affected by it - Are you truly that stupid?), and how horrible you are to downplay someone else's childhood sexual assaults. You SUCK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

Oh we know. We just think it’s BS that your kid’s education can cost the county $50k while every other kid gets the shaft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

Yup. And sometimes a regular public school isn't the place for that. Don't you think EVERY child is entitled to be in a classroom where they don't have to worry about being attacked by another student? I get it. You are one of the special needs parents that gives the rest of us a bad name. So thanks for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

Oh we know. We just think it’s BS that your kid’s education can cost the county $50k while every other kid gets the shaft.

A few years of education, even at a high cost, is going to end up costing taxpayers a lot less than a lifetime of incarceration. Teach the child the skills needed to become a productive member of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

DP. No one is arguing against the child receiving an education. The argument is about the setting. Some posters are making suggestions, which seems to be causing you some great anxiety. Ignore the suggestions. Certainly they are valid options but if you're not willing then don't consider them. You cannot, however, insist that people don't make the suggestions just because the suggestions make you upset.

It also is disingenuous for posters to allow you to continue to stomp your foot over the narrative that OP has provided and insist that the "disruptive kid" is well-placed. His very disruption is indicative that the placement is problematic and not appropriate.

Further, OP is right to advocate for her child and hopefully the school administration will take steps to ensure that every child is being educated -and- that her child be kept safe. Frankly it doesn't sound like those goals are being achieved for ANY of the students in that classroom.

I don't have a child in that school but I am a taxpayer and the situation sounds horrible. It makes me think that the school leadership is slipshod and incompetent. It makes me wonder about malfeasance by the leadership. It makes me concerned about the safety of all the children in that school.

If I knew the name of the school I would join OP in voicing my concerns but I would start higher up.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the disconnect is that some are suggesting different placements, probably assuming that there are other viable options. But in reality, the alternative schools in Fairfax are not able to provide the kids with the educations they need or deserve. Families are likely not fighting to simply keep the kids in current placements, but rather for the kids to receive appropriate services or supports so that they can be successful where they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, all of the speculation about the other child doesn't solve your problem. Here is how to solve your problem.

You immediately schedule an appointment with the Principal. At the meeting you tell the Principal that 1) your child feels unsafe and in danger on a daily basis, 2) your child is not able to learn because she is feeling unsafe and constantly on edge because she is concerned about being hurt or that another outburst will occur, and 3) your child needs a placement that provides her with the same gifted services but removed from the danger. It will help your case immeasurably if you document several instances that were particularly egregious and describe the negative impact on your child.

You should encourage other parents to go in and argue the same points. If enough voices are raised then the other child will be moved to a placement better suited to his needs. Until then the school system is content to let the situation occur. If there is not a major change in a week then you escalate.

In other words, right now the other child's parents are being the squeaky wheel. You need to out-squeak them.

In other words, you are advising OP to lie. The original post said "It has come to our attention that my child's classroom has a gifted child with social issues...Apparently this has been doing on since the beginning of the year but we just learned of it." Hard to believe it is having such an adverse impact on OP's child when nothing had been mentioned until now.

There is no liar here except you. You've conveniently left out the 2nd sentence. Here is OP's full 1st paragraph. I've highlighted the relevant sentences since you seem to have reading comprehension issues.

It has come to our attention that my child's classroom has a gifted child with social issues. He will attack other kids, throw desks and disrupt the classroom. Apparently this has been doing on since the beginning of the year but we just learned of it. We have asked our kid to tell us when these incidents happen and what they are. It happens as infrequently as once a week and as frequently as three times a week. When an incident happens they clear everyone else from the classroom and they sit in the hallway until the kid can be calmed down. No one can touch the kid and a counselor and principal are brought in.

Tell the truth, PP. Always. Shame on you for not telling the truth.

How does adding back in any of that change the fact that the parent just found out about this. Her kid can't be that traumatized if she never mentioned it before now! Therefore how can it be said the kid feels unsafe on a daily basis and is unable to learn?

Sure, go ahead and complain, and document. But do it honestly.

DP. Oh, come on. You are being truly awful here. I was sexually assaulted as a child, but was too scared to tell anyone for a very long time. Are you going to tell me too that I didn't feel unsafe and wasn't traumatized because I didn't tell anyone? Is that really your take on kids?

Are you actually comparing the behavior of a dysregulated child to that of an adult child molester/predator. Get help. Stop projecting.

I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a fellow student, not an adult. I went to school every day regardless. I told no adult because I was terrified. Your insistence that a child who doesn't talk about trauma at school isn't traumatized is horrific. You are truly an awful person.

Again get help. I am not an awful person and I think people need to be stop throwing around the trauma drama. It is trivializes true trauma victims. There are adults in the room tasked with protecting these kids. Nothing is happening behind closed doors in secret. You might not like how it is being addressed but it is being addressed.

New poster here - and yes, you are truly awful. YOU need to get help. How DARE you tell someone their trauma of repeated sexual assault is nothing but unnecessary "drama"?? I am astounded by how obtuse you are about the original post (the PP is right, just because the kid didn't start talking about it until now doesn't mean they weren't being affected by it - Are you truly that stupid?), and how horrible you are to downplay someone else's childhood sexual assaults. You SUCK

Agreed. Well, I suppose we know who is raising the Brock Turners of the world. "Trauma drama"?? Sounds a lot like Brock's dad and his comment about a little action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family friends in FCPS who have a disruptive child, severe ADHD, have spent many hours and funds on therapy yet he still hits other students and recently the teacher. He's always had issues since he was a toddler and was kicked out of preschools. I feel so bad for the family (other kids are fine)! I think he needed early intervention services but his needs were not identified as he was home with a nanny until 4 and perhaps parents were in denial thinking he would grow out of it.

He had an IEP, lots of FCPS counseling services, many warnings and suspensions, but he is now headed for a special needs school for emotionally disturbed students. Parents are devasted.

But why are they devastated? It's probably going to be a much better environment for their kid. I've seen that kid in a public school. It's really hard for them. No kids want to eat lunch with them, play with them, or be their partner. And that certainly doesn't help with their behavior. I know no one wants the label of "emotionally disturbed" but FCPS was clearly not a good environment either

I'm not the friend of this family, but, is it hard to imagine why this would be devastating? The kid is being sent to an inferior school, where he will receiving little to nothing in the way of an actual education, will have to travel a long distance from home every day, won't make any friends, and will lose ties to the local community. If / when he's able to return to a regular school he won't know anyone, will be far behind other kids in his grade and will have to work so much harder just to catch up. And in FCPS they know that when their kid misbehaves in one of these schools he will be locked in a closet as punishment. Depending on how long he's stuck in one of these schools, throw away any hope of the kid going to college -- the high schools don't offer the necessary classes (like foreign language) that you need to get into any decent schools. The parents are coming to grips with the fact that the school has given up on their kid. And even if they had the resources to go private, nobody wants to take a kid with behavioral issues. The family knows that things are not working in the current school, and does not want their kid to be disruptive or god forbid hurt anyone -- but that doesn't make it any easier to know that without a proper education the kid has no hope of having a decent future.

DP here. Religious schools are always an option.

Home schooling is always an option too.

What part of EVERY child is entitled to an education do you not understand?

Oh we know. We just think it’s BS that your kid’s education can cost the county $50k while every other kid gets the shaft.

Not to worry, if your child acts like that they may get the privilege of a $50K a year school too. Really, be grateful that your child doesn't have mental health, cognitive or any other issues that cause him or her to behave that way. Its easy to criticize, its harder to actually help.

[Anonymous]

I would email the principal each time and then begin to cc higher and higher up to create a paper trail documenting the violence and persistent concerns. I would try to get other parents to do the same. I feel bad for that child but that is not a safe situation for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

“the alternative schools in Fairfax are not able to provide the kids with the educations they need or deserve. ”

All the kids having to empty the room each week are also not getting what they deserve - a safe place to learn. How many more of them are there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1-3 times a week is really not that frequent-how long are they sitting in the hall?

If the child has been at the school for several years, then everyone has just accepted the situation.

If the child is new to the school, they may be working on a behavioral plan or a move to a different school--those things take a really long time.

1-3 time a week throwing desks and chairs is really not that frequent? OK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to do, OP? Do you want to complaint to the teacher/principal every time an incident happens or do you just want to complain?

You've asked your DC to tell you every time something happens in the classroom. You are making this more important and exciting or disturbing to your child rather than less important. Is that your goal?

DP. You wouldn't be concerned about your child's safety if she had someone in her class who threw chairs? I would complain up the chain because that's the only recourse I would have to try to protect my kid. I'd do everything in writing so that if anything happens to another child because FCPS refuses to do anything, they can't claim they weren't aware of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure you can involve the police if children are being assaulted by other children. We had this type of situation at a private - basically were told there was nothing they could do, but was made clear we were not constrained from contacting the authorities.

And so continues the school to prison pipeline. This is a child we're talking about. Do you really think this child should have an arrest record and perhaps be incarcerated so that your child doesn't miss a few minutes of instruction? Do you think that's good for society long term?

Other kids are being put in serious physical danger. OP said another child was almost hit by a chair thrown by the disruptive child. Honestly, if calling the police is what it takes to keep my child from being hit by a chair, then so be it. I understand the thinking behind having inclusion classrooms, but once physical violence is involved, common sense should say the other kids' physical safety is more important than gifted education for the violent child.