Parents of Asian-American Kids: What did you learn from the college admissions process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the lessons I learned.

If you are an Asian kid, you better have all of the following to get into a top 20 school if you are not a legacy kids, first gen kid or extremely low SES

1) Near perfect scores
2) Near perfect GPA (You realistically need to be in top 3% of your class, better if you are in the top 1%, specially if you are from a suburban public school)
3) Near perfect Subject Test scores

These three will just put you in the running. After that

4) Recommendation letters that say that "you are one of the best" the teacher has ever seen in his/her lifetime
5) An EC that is not too Asian. Like Piano, debate, passion for Robotics (unless you are a girl), etc. etc. will mean a big "Ding"
6) An EC that is grounded in a non-STEM field, where you have achieved at least state level recognition, preferably national level recognition


If you have these you stand a fighting chance. If you don't have these, set your sights lower or go to your state flagship. That's where admissions is today.

if that's the lesson you learned, then good for you.

my kid didn't have (2), (3), (4), (5) or (6) and still got into two of HYPS, completely unhooked. good thing we didn't have the 'benefit' of your advice . . .

Asian American kids get in to schools with all, some or none of the criteria you list.

I could see your kid is an Asian, but NOT from an affluent background. Elite colleges consider heavily and try to balance the socioeconomic background. Asians from affluent families, but not super-riches are the largest disadvantaged in the admissions process.

We're full pay, but not super rich. Nice try.

Then you must have some other hooks, like an Asian country with low representation, first-gen, athlete, etc. Not possible a "complete unhooked" because you don't know what counts for hook.

Look, believe what you want so you can push your narrative. But to answer your stupid points we live in the DMV, we are college graduates and our son was a terrible athlete. I know what a hook is and we had none. It is possible to get into the schools you just can’t expect it. Was he fortunate? Undoubtedly but he wasn’t hooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, there are parents that care about the car decal or telling family where there kid goes to college (or announcing it on FB or whatever). My child has a friend who goes to Haverford. The parents are thrilled that their relatives actually think it's Harvard and don't know the difference.

I told my kids when they earned those honor student stickers in middle school that I couldn’t stick them on the car because it would wreck the paint work. Works just as well for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, there are parents that care about the car decal or telling family where there kid goes to college (or announcing it on FB or whatever). My child has a friend who goes to Haverford. The parents are thrilled that their relatives actually think it's Harvard and don't know the difference.

I told my kids when they earned those honor student stickers in middle school that I couldn’t stick them on the car because it would wreck the paint work. Works just as well for college.

Well, aren’t you special, The Great Santini.

Let me know how the retirement home they select for you works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, there are parents that care about the car decal or telling family where there kid goes to college (or announcing it on FB or whatever). My child has a friend who goes to Haverford. The parents are thrilled that their relatives actually think it's Harvard and don't know the difference.

I told my kids when they earned those honor student stickers in middle school that I couldn’t stick them on the car because it would wreck the paint work. Works just as well for college.

Well, aren’t you special, The Great Santini.

Let me know how the retirement home they select for you works out.

If they’re still on speaking terms by then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the lessons I learned.

If you are an Asian kid, you better have all of the following to get into a top 20 school if you are not a legacy kids, first gen kid or extremely low SES

1) Near perfect scores
2) Near perfect GPA (You realistically need to be in top 3% of your class, better if you are in the top 1%, specially if you are from a suburban public school)
3) Near perfect Subject Test scores

These three will just put you in the running. After that

4) Recommendation letters that say that "you are one of the best" the teacher has ever seen in his/her lifetime
5) An EC that is not too Asian. Like Piano, debate, passion for Robotics (unless you are a girl), etc. etc. will mean a big "Ding"
6) An EC that is grounded in a non-STEM field, where you have achieved at least state level recognition, preferably national level recognition


If you have these you stand a fighting chance. If you don't have these, set your sights lower or go to your state flagship. That's where admissions is today.

What EC is not too Asian? ballet for boys?

and I'm left wondering... I thought the stereotype for Asian Americans was that they couldn't communicate or speak publicly, but now being Asian and in debate team is considered a stereotype? Dang it.

Bud, you are living in ancient times. Catch up with the present time and you will realize Asians are doing so well in all debate formats.

Wow is that true. My kid loves to argue. Just to argue. Because it’s fun. So I pointed him towards debate, because I was over it. The team was him, another white kid, and 22 Asians. And wow we’re they good. (My kid, who was born tomargue and the Asians )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s real - you’re not competing against everyone, you’re competing against smarter Asian Americans

The above is true at a very small number of colleges.

As MLK Jr. surely said, "Racism is okay when it only occurs at the most selective institutions."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is intellectually gifted who scores really high on testing and gets straight As. She’s Caucasian. How come I realize that’s not necessarily enough to get into Harvard, but Asians think that’s all it takes? I mean it must just be cultural.

Not sure. Probably the same reason idiot white parents can't interpret data. Cultural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yawn it's about connections not your undergrad for crying out loud

No one cares about your undergrad or first job out of school long term

Spend more time on soft skills it will help all your kids more in life

Except all those companies that recruit at Harvard but not Podunk State Valley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I have a child who is intellectually gifted who scores really high on testing and gets straight As. She’s Caucasian. How come I realize that’s not necessarily enough to get into Harvard, but Asians think that’s all it takes? I mean it must just be cultural.”


Love how a lot of parents on here who think their mediocre students are “intellectually gifted.” Most high school gifted programs usually take top 5% and then there are high schools that water down the criterion to top 10%. They may be “gifted” in your district, but they are not truly “gifted.” Most self-styled “intellectually gifted” kids can’t hang with ivy students.

While I certainly see your point and agree with the overuse of "gifted", nearly every elite adcom in the world will tell you that they could replace their class entirely and still have a top notch cohort, and then do it again a few more times. There are lots of smart kids out there. Way too many for the top schools. That's the "problem" if you see it as one.

That's because they're legitimately bad at their jobs. If a blindfolded monkey threw darts at balloons and you compared the first 100 with the second 100, of course there wouldn't be a qualitative difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the Asian talk “only the best will do” for their kid makes me wonder who do you think you are?

I am me. You sure aren't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this thread is a good example of what's wrong with the approaches taken by many Asian families and why top colleges don't want full of Asian kids. There are ~4000 colleges in US. The "success" threshold for Asian families are (not all but most) are top 10-20 schools... The "Ivy/M/S or Bust" approach is not healthy. If I were an admission officer, I would do my best to mix kids from all SES/racial backgrounds. And I say this as an Asian parent. You see this happening at HS level too as you see here re. TJ posts

I do not agree.

Asians have to break the bamboo ceiling. All the kids who went on to do well in no-name colleges are White. Asians do not get this kind of opportunities unless they are going with colleges that have the name recognition. With all the steller stats my kid has, he cannot change the race that he is in. If a person is biracial (White with whatever other race) and if they can pass for White, they should position themselves as White candidate.

No one has the Ivy/M/S mentality, but the employers do. And the employers are White who want to employ White people. The only Asians they want to employ are the ones who can be exploited for a very low pay like the H1B visa slaves or someone who has the credentials and training from a good college.

Anyhow, the only silver lining is that most Asian-American parents will sacrifice a lot in their lives to make sure that the kids get an education and a financial leg-up in life. As the cost of college education keeps on rising Asian-Americans may come out on the top because their parents help them out.

Not true. I'm Indian who went to a "low name" (at least at that time) school in upper management. I was an "H1B slave" but my "white masters" recognized my worth and before my 6 years were up I was a VP. This was before Indians were everywhere.

I know dozens of Asians that went to random schools (Alabama, missippi, kentucky, etc) that are doing well across the country. Most are first generation like me though. I can't imagine why my son who was born here getting a much better HS education can't do better than me with the same level of college.

It's very important for asian parents to stop thinking of themselves as "victims" and pass that mindset to their kids. In the long run, that matters more than anything else..

I am the pp you responded to. Your tone and life story makes me suspect that you may be my DH. Lol

Anyhow, what worked for us when there were not many Indians around is not the reality now. US of 20 years ago is not the US of today.

Now, within the last 10 years, college admissions have changed radically. Even within the last 5 years, even state colleges have become hard to get in. You would know that if you were not so out of touch.

I'm fully aware of how things have changed over the past several years. I have two kids in HS. My point is that college is not the end-all. This country is filled with opportunity and for the most part the locals are welcoming and not scheming behind your back to discriminate against you as you make it out to be.. Sure, not going to a top school may mean you start further behind compared to those kids but you have your whole life to catch up and get ahead..

You're right. Schemes to discriminate against Asian Americans are published in national court opinions, not whispered behind our backs. Hope we can eventually return the favor to these racist progressives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the lessons I learned.

If you are an Asian kid, you better have all of the following to get into a top 20 school if you are not a legacy kids, first gen kid or extremely low SES

1) Near perfect scores
2) Near perfect GPA (You realistically need to be in top 3% of your class, better if you are in the top 1%, specially if you are from a suburban public school)
3) Near perfect Subject Test scores

These three will just put you in the running. After that

4) Recommendation letters that say that "you are one of the best" the teacher has ever seen in his/her lifetime
5) An EC that is not too Asian. Like Piano, debate, passion for Robotics (unless you are a girl), etc. etc. will mean a big "Ding"
6) An EC that is grounded in a non-STEM field, where you have achieved at least state level recognition, preferably national level recognition


If you have these you stand a fighting chance. If you don't have these, set your sights lower or go to your state flagship. That's where admissions is today.

if that's the lesson you learned, then good for you.

my kid didn't have (2), (3), (4), (5) or (6) and still got into two of HYPS, completely unhooked. good thing we didn't have the 'benefit' of your advice . . .

Asian American kids get in to schools with all, some or none of the criteria you list.

I am glad your kid got in completely unhooked. But we are talking about Asian American kids.

[Anonymous]

I learnt the following and it holds true for all kids, not just Asian-Americans -

MS years are wasted years in the entire US K-12 schools, so don't waste these years. Put your energy in your kids and make sure that they are following a world class curriculum in these three years as well as trying our different EC activities and excelling in few. Your kids will be able to do well in HS in the most advanced subjects.

The one advantage you can give any kids is intact families and good and supportive home life.

Be frugal and save for college and setting the kids up later in life. Your kid will come out ahead of many because they will not have student debt, they will be helped by parents in many ways, and they can begin to save money for their own retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the lessons I learned.

If you are an Asian kid, you better have all of the following to get into a top 20 school if you are not a legacy kids, first gen kid or extremely low SES

1) Near perfect scores
2) Near perfect GPA (You realistically need to be in top 3% of your class, better if you are in the top 1%, specially if you are from a suburban public school)
3) Near perfect Subject Test scores

These three will just put you in the running. After that

4) Recommendation letters that say that "you are one of the best" the teacher has ever seen in his/her lifetime
5) An EC that is not too Asian. Like Piano, debate, passion for Robotics (unless you are a girl), etc. etc. will mean a big "Ding"
6) An EC that is grounded in a non-STEM field, where you have achieved at least state level recognition, preferably national level recognition


If you have these you stand a fighting chance. If you don't have these, set your sights lower or go to your state flagship. That's where admissions is today.

if that's the lesson you learned, then good for you.

my kid didn't have (2), (3), (4), (5) or (6) and still got into two of HYPS, completely unhooked. good thing we didn't have the 'benefit' of your advice . . .

Asian American kids get in to schools with all, some or none of the criteria you list.

I am glad your kid got in completely unhooked. But we are talking about Asian American kids.

Third generation Asian American!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the white parent of a TJ kid, and I will tell you what I have seen in action. There are excellent, very well respected schools where your kid will get a great education— even in STEM— and that will place them at the top of the grad school admissions heap. And Asian kids are not applying. Those that do are getting a boost over white girls (girls are also over represented).

For example, Grinnell and Oberlin are both top SLACs. They are also both in the top 5 in science PhD production by graduates. Their science grads consistently get into the top handful of grad programs in their field. They both having phenomenal med school placement. A science kid will go and do hands on published research with a professor for 4 years if they want it and get great internships. Because they aren’t competing with grad students. And a high achieving Asian kid is likely to be considered URM and get half tuition merit aid.

I thought this was odd. First line when checking for preferential admissions is to the graduation differential, which does indeed exist for Oberlin (83% Asian grad rate, 88% white) but is reversed for Grinnell (90% Asian grad rate, 87% white). These are pretty close, but I'd say Grinnell probably isn't giving any preferences for Asians. Can't rule out Oberlin, but the diminished grad rate isn't very high, and may be due to other factors - Oberlin's hilarious outbreaks of wokeness might have a few Asian students transferring elsewhere.