Why are older women so strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most (not all) of the relative vents are about older women being manipulative, demanding and not respecting boundaries. I see the same thing in my extended family. My MIL and aunt behave the same way. Was this generation trained in these skills? It just seems like an exhausting way to live but also seems so common.

Why do they care how other people live their lives? Why do they obsess about getting their way?

Please note that those with wonderful mothers, aunts, etc. generally don't post.

[Anonymous]

*visitors* not visions

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

No, I believe it was visions. LOL. If you don't know how to drop a tangential issue, I don't expect you are too happy in your younger years, certainly won't be in your older years, which is exactly what OP is talking about. Well done proving her point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most (not all) of the relative vents are about older women being manipulative, demanding and not respecting boundaries. I see the same thing in my extended family. My MIL and aunt behave the same way. Was this generation trained in these skills? It just seems like an exhausting way to live but also seems so common.

Why do they care how other people live their lives? Why do they obsess about getting their way?

Please note that those with wonderful mothers, aunts, etc. generally don't post.

+1

[Anonymous]

Old men quickly realize they gotta kiss butt to get someone to take care of them. So are just silent and agreeable in their v old age. And senile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old men quickly realize they gotta kiss butt to get someone to take care of them. So are just silent and agreeable in their v old age. And senile.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm 62. I do not think I am weird or strange. Why are you so immature that you've decided to make such a large brush stroke encompassing everyone in a demographic? Did you put Hilary or Nancy Pelosi in that bag? Actresses like Glenn Close ? Or are they an exception. Do you generalize ideas from one or two examples? Would you like it if we generalized millennials this way(?)- becausecwe certainly could!

[Anonymous]

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I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for women who try to hold power over their families with this sort of martyr/victim card. They would have been happier working? Well why didn't they work then? They wish that they weren't married to a misogynistic ahole? Well, why the hell didn't they divorce when the getting was good. Plenty of other women chose to work and/or get out of unhappy marriages. Bottom line is, they chose to do nothing about their own dissatisfaction because it was easier for them to do nothing. And now they are complaining about their own choices.

My mom exactly. But she was always mean, not just now at 77.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

No, I believe it was visions. LOL. If you don't know how to drop a tangential issue, I don't expect you are too happy in your younger years, certainly won't be in your older years, which is exactly what OP is talking about. Well done proving her point.

Another poster here. I thought it was a weird story, too. I don't think I've ever heard an adult laugh about children willfully pestering the older women in their neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for women who try to hold power over their families with this sort of martyr/victim card. They would have been happier working? Well why didn't they work then? They wish that they weren't married to a misogynistic ahole? Well, why the hell didn't they divorce when the getting was good. Plenty of other women chose to work and/or get out of unhappy marriages. Bottom line is, they chose to do nothing about their own dissatisfaction because it was easier for them to do nothing. And now they are complaining about their own choices.

My mom exactly. But she was always mean, not just now at 77.

I'm sorry. She sounds selfish and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

You have mean friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thread but will share my personal anecdotal experience because DCUM.

My MIL lives with us. She’s mid-60s, works four days a week, helps immensely with our kids and some other things. It’s hard to live with any other adult so there are speed bumps, but as a whole, I’m grateful to have her around. And she’s foreign-born, imagine that! She’s not weird. She doesn’t meddle (usually). She minds her own business. She’s very sane and has normal human faults. Now, WHY is she not weird? I think a big part is she comes from a much more familial, communal culture. Another part is she enormously values what she gets from our arrangement.

My mom is batsh** crazy. Part of this is various illnesses, but more of it is she is crazy and weird. And she’s a highly respected professional! But she unravels more and more every month and year. She is distant but chimes in random advice/things/beliefs although she generally does not insert herself. Now, WHY is she crazy? Because she spent her life being a resentful “wage slave” funding her family’s existence even though she is extraordinarily driven in her career and she chose to have kids with someone she knew would never be a breadwinner. She chose to put us through school (to the detriment of her retirement, I’ve since learned). Because she is losing her once-significant power as she ages, especially in the workplace. Because she’s sick. Because she knows she’s running out of time to do whatever she wants and yet she’s still, for reasons old and new, held back from doing whatever she wants. Probably other reasons I have no clue about because who knows what goes on in that crazy head of hers. She likes to wake up my dad in the middle of the night by barking and growling. On purpose. There is just no explanation for that flavor of weird old lady.

Please forgive typos, on my phone...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?