Why are older women so strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 yo and my MIL (who was nice) died years ago, but I have a lot of empathy for the MILs discussed in this forum. Many of the complaints seem to be coming from really intolerant DILs who don't want to deal with anyone who makes any demands on their time or patience. It really baffles me.

That is my take as well. If you ask anything besides how is the weather than you are a manipulative, nosey , pushy broad.

Do you get that you can *request* someone's time or patience without *demanding* it?

It's all in the approach.

Smart MIL: "We'd love to have you join us at the beach this summer. Is there a week or a long weekend that would work for you?"

Dumb MIL: "Fred and I bought this beach house for our FAMILY and you NEVER come. Why wouldn't you want to come to this beautiful place?!?! Don't you want your kids to spend time with their grandparents? How many weeks can you stay?"

+1

Bolded, exactly. Be inclusive, act like EVERYONE is a family, not just whoever you pick and choose randomly. Act like everyone in the family matters, and they will do the same for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define old, OP.

We're not talking "old," we're talking "older," as the thread title outlines.

For me, that's mid-fifties or so; women old enough to be meddling in adult offsprings' lives.

WTF? I'm 53, my "offspring" haven't gotten out of middle and high school yet. My parents were in their late 60s before I was an adult. Where did you grow up?

Yeah, well my aunt is 56 and has two college-age kids. So you guys aren't exactly not in different peer groups. She had her oldest at 34 or so. Not quite a hayseed child bride, sweetie. And I grew up in Bethesda.

I'm 52 with one in college and one in HS. College age isn't grown. They are still dependent on you. I also know 50 something women with twenty somethings (even 30 somethings). Probably some of them are intrusive into their grown children's lives and others aren't.

I actually think nosy busy bodies come in all age ranges and is more of a personality thing than an age thing.

Nice little limited worldview you have. I put myself through college, and haven't relied on my parents financially since I was 18. Not everyone's life dynamic includes a Mom and Dad Scholarship.

O.k. but you can't assume that most parents cut off all help to their kids the minute they turn 18. Most do not.

Good parents do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define old, OP.

We're not talking "old," we're talking "older," as the thread title outlines.

For me, that's mid-fifties or so; women old enough to be meddling in adult offsprings' lives.

WTF? I'm 53, my "offspring" haven't gotten out of middle and high school yet. My parents were in their late 60s before I was an adult. Where did you grow up?

Yeah, well my aunt is 56 and has two college-age kids. So you guys aren't exactly not in different peer groups. She had her oldest at 34 or so. Not quite a hayseed child bride, sweetie. And I grew up in Bethesda.

I'm 52 with one in college and one in HS. College age isn't grown. They are still dependent on you. I also know 50 something women with twenty somethings (even 30 somethings). Probably some of them are intrusive into their grown children's lives and others aren't.

I actually think nosy busy bodies come in all age ranges and is more of a personality thing than an age thing.

Nice little limited worldview you have. I put myself through college, and haven't relied on my parents financially since I was 18. Not everyone's life dynamic includes a Mom and Dad Scholarship.

O.k. but you can't assume that most parents cut off all help to their kids the minute they turn 18. Most do not.

Good parents do not.

Agreed. Nor do they micromanage their kids' lives once they do go to college but they do continue to have their kids on their health insurance policy, they have them home on breaks, they often supply a car to drive and pay car insurance, etc. etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.

This. More sweeping generalizations, but the generation of women who are now 65+ were frequently expected to manage the domestic chores, even if they worked, and they largely didn't have the same types of serious careers as their husbands. They were responsible for managing relationships with their MILs, not the sons. They largely kowtowed to their MILs and they were marginalized. They didn't have equal partnerships with their spouses and the husbands opinions carried more weight because they were bringing home the larger share of income. Now these MILs feel it's their "turn" but today's DIL's aren't having it.

Women's intellect and careers weren't valued like they are today. I see many women of this generation who never honed their critical thinking skills because they never had to. They were relegated to mundane domestic stuff so they became very petty and manipulative. Being direct wouldn't get them an equal partnership so they connive and scheme to get what they want. Then their husbands respect them even less because they're so petty. Again, not all women of this generation are like this, but a lot are. My friends and I discussed this a while back, and there's definitely a difference between the women who are now 65-85 and their daughters who are now late 30's-early 60's.

They're also frequently jealous that their DILs have careers and get an equal say as their husbands and their husbands are expected to pull a greater load with the domestic chores (although still not equal in most cases). Then the MILs take offense that the DILs don't have it as hard as they did when it comes to shouldering the entire domestic burden.

This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't stop working unless I became very rich. Many of the SAHMs today have the same issues with a lack of respect and being valued, they're expected to shoulder the entire domestic/children burden, and they don't have an equal say. I think we've come a long way and more SAHMs get this equality than they did 50 years ago, but we still have a ways to go. From anecdotal evidence, the SAHMs who tend to get more respect are those who had serious careers then gave them up to stay at home with kids. Those who didn't have these lucrative careers don't seem to garner the same respect. Maybe the husbands chose these women specifically because they were looking for a SAHM and knew there was no serious career to get in the way. But whatever the reason, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go.

Yup. My mother, who always worked as a secretary in my dad's law practice, even though she had two master's degrees, is SO JEALOUS that I get to go on business trips! She always makes these snarky, underhanded remarks about how I'm traveling and she never got to do that. And my mother never actually got paid for her work so even though she worked all the time it was always "dad's money" and "him paying for the vacation" so she never got to have any input. Still doesn't. I can definitely see how she feels jealous of the fact that my husband deferred to my preferences when we bought a vacation house with OUR MONEY, etc. Also my dad never let her redecorate our house, so she's really jealous when she comes to our house and sees that we have a new couch or we painted the living room or something.

Wow, I'm sorry PP. Your mom let herself get really screwed. She did actual out of the home work that had a fair market value for a salary. Still, it's not fair that she's jealous of you. I hope your mom finds a way to get whatever it is that she wants out of life.

I can relate. My mom was a pretty little idiot who married my domineering father. She resented being relegated to her domestic role and wasn't even good at it. My dad died a while back and my mom wasted another couple decades being miserable and resentful, but now she resents having to make the decisions. I convinced her to move to a retirement community recently and it's like a light switched on. She's having the time of her life and has never been happier (still nuts though). It's the only time she's ever taken my advice because she listens to my brother who doesn't have her best interest at heart instead of me and my sister. So she's still creating her own sexist misery, albeit on a smaller scale.

Your mothers were grown women who made bad choices for themselves. Period. There were plenty of women who SAH and/or worked back in the day who have gone on to have satisfying lives later on. If they regret how they spent their own lives then they have no one to blame but themselves.

I'm the PP you're responding to and I completely agree with you. My mom absolutely contributed to the misogynistic situation she was in, and she still contributes to it today with her own sexist views. I would add that I think societal norms have changed though, allowing more options for women today.

[Anonymous]

Older women are strange because life happened and they just don’t care about your naive attitudes and judgmental opinions based on fairytales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older women are strange because life happened and they just don’t care about your naive attitudes and judgmental opinions based on fairytales.

Or the older women are just plain bitter. No one owes them anything. At all. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.

This. More sweeping generalizations, but the generation of women who are now 65+ were frequently expected to manage the domestic chores, even if they worked, and they largely didn't have the same types of serious careers as their husbands. They were responsible for managing relationships with their MILs, not the sons. They largely kowtowed to their MILs and they were marginalized. They didn't have equal partnerships with their spouses and the husbands opinions carried more weight because they were bringing home the larger share of income. Now these MILs feel it's their "turn" but today's DIL's aren't having it.

Women's intellect and careers weren't valued like they are today. I see many women of this generation who never honed their critical thinking skills because they never had to. They were relegated to mundane domestic stuff so they became very petty and manipulative. Being direct wouldn't get them an equal partnership so they connive and scheme to get what they want. Then their husbands respect them even less because they're so petty. Again, not all women of this generation are like this, but a lot are. My friends and I discussed this a while back, and there's definitely a difference between the women who are now 65-85 and their daughters who are now late 30's-early 60's.

They're also frequently jealous that their DILs have careers and get an equal say as their husbands and their husbands are expected to pull a greater load with the domestic chores (although still not equal in most cases). Then the MILs take offense that the DILs don't have it as hard as they did when it comes to shouldering the entire domestic burden.

This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't stop working unless I became very rich. Many of the SAHMs today have the same issues with a lack of respect and being valued, they're expected to shoulder the entire domestic/children burden, and they don't have an equal say. I think we've come a long way and more SAHMs get this equality than they did 50 years ago, but we still have a ways to go. From anecdotal evidence, the SAHMs who tend to get more respect are those who had serious careers then gave them up to stay at home with kids. Those who didn't have these lucrative careers don't seem to garner the same respect. Maybe the husbands chose these women specifically because they were looking for a SAHM and knew there was no serious career to get in the way. But whatever the reason, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go.

Yup. My mother, who always worked as a secretary in my dad's law practice, even though she had two master's degrees, is SO JEALOUS that I get to go on business trips! She always makes these snarky, underhanded remarks about how I'm traveling and she never got to do that. And my mother never actually got paid for her work so even though she worked all the time it was always "dad's money" and "him paying for the vacation" so she never got to have any input. Still doesn't. I can definitely see how she feels jealous of the fact that my husband deferred to my preferences when we bought a vacation house with OUR MONEY, etc. Also my dad never let her redecorate our house, so she's really jealous when she comes to our house and sees that we have a new couch or we painted the living room or something.

Wow, I'm sorry PP. Your mom let herself get really screwed. She did actual out of the home work that had a fair market value for a salary. Still, it's not fair that she's jealous of you. I hope your mom finds a way to get whatever it is that she wants out of life.

I can relate. My mom was a pretty little idiot who married my domineering father. She resented being relegated to her domestic role and wasn't even good at it. My dad died a while back and my mom wasted another couple decades being miserable and resentful, but now she resents having to make the decisions. I convinced her to move to a retirement community recently and it's like a light switched on. She's having the time of her life and has never been happier (still nuts though). It's the only time she's ever taken my advice because she listens to my brother who doesn't have her best interest at heart instead of me and my sister. So she's still creating her own sexist misery, albeit on a smaller scale.

Your mothers were grown women who made bad choices for themselves. Period. There were plenty of women who SAH and/or worked back in the day who have gone on to have satisfying lives later on. If they regret how they spent their own lives then they have no one to blame but themselves.

I'm the PP you're responding to and I completely agree with you. My mom absolutely contributed to the misogynistic situation she was in, and she still contributes to it today with her own sexist views. I would add that I think societal norms have changed though, allowing more options for women today.

I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for women who try to hold power over their families with this sort of martyr/victim card. They would have been happier working? Well why didn't they work then? They wish that they weren't married to a misogynistic ahole? Well, why the hell didn't they divorce when the getting was good. Plenty of other women chose to work and/or get out of unhappy marriages. Bottom line is, they chose to do nothing about their own dissatisfaction because it was easier for them to do nothing. And now they are complaining about their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you think that there is some trigger that somehow transforms innocent angels into controlling, manipulative monsters once they acquire daughters in law? No.

Well I think its pretty likely that you are an older woman who behaves this way. So was this always the way you behaved or did it come on suddenly?

WOW, that's a crazy stretched assumption.
-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women are strange because life happened and they just don’t care about your naive attitudes and judgmental opinions based on fairytales.

Or the older women are just plain bitter. No one owes them anything. At all. Ever.

I actually see a lot of empty nesters out having fun. They are free to go to movies, concerts, trips, bar hopping, etc when they want to.

I'm going to miss having my own kids at home, I seriously will, but there will be a newfound sort of freedom, too, and I'm planning to take advantage it. I'll always be there for my kids and I'll be as helpful as I know how to be while respecting their privacy and the relationship that they have with their own spouse. I'm thankful that I've had some really great female role models - so I know how to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.

This. More sweeping generalizations, but the generation of women who are now 65+ were frequently expected to manage the domestic chores, even if they worked, and they largely didn't have the same types of serious careers as their husbands. They were responsible for managing relationships with their MILs, not the sons. They largely kowtowed to their MILs and they were marginalized. They didn't have equal partnerships with their spouses and the husbands opinions carried more weight because they were bringing home the larger share of income. Now these MILs feel it's their "turn" but today's DIL's aren't having it.

Women's intellect and careers weren't valued like they are today. I see many women of this generation who never honed their critical thinking skills because they never had to. They were relegated to mundane domestic stuff so they became very petty and manipulative. Being direct wouldn't get them an equal partnership so they connive and scheme to get what they want. Then their husbands respect them even less because they're so petty. Again, not all women of this generation are like this, but a lot are. My friends and I discussed this a while back, and there's definitely a difference between the women who are now 65-85 and their daughters who are now late 30's-early 60's.

They're also frequently jealous that their DILs have careers and get an equal say as their husbands and their husbands are expected to pull a greater load with the domestic chores (although still not equal in most cases). Then the MILs take offense that the DILs don't have it as hard as they did when it comes to shouldering the entire domestic burden.

This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't stop working unless I became very rich. Many of the SAHMs today have the same issues with a lack of respect and being valued, they're expected to shoulder the entire domestic/children burden, and they don't have an equal say. I think we've come a long way and more SAHMs get this equality than they did 50 years ago, but we still have a ways to go. From anecdotal evidence, the SAHMs who tend to get more respect are those who had serious careers then gave them up to stay at home with kids. Those who didn't have these lucrative careers don't seem to garner the same respect. Maybe the husbands chose these women specifically because they were looking for a SAHM and knew there was no serious career to get in the way. But whatever the reason, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go.

Yup. My mother, who always worked as a secretary in my dad's law practice, even though she had two master's degrees, is SO JEALOUS that I get to go on business trips! She always makes these snarky, underhanded remarks about how I'm traveling and she never got to do that. And my mother never actually got paid for her work so even though she worked all the time it was always "dad's money" and "him paying for the vacation" so she never got to have any input. Still doesn't. I can definitely see how she feels jealous of the fact that my husband deferred to my preferences when we bought a vacation house with OUR MONEY, etc. Also my dad never let her redecorate our house, so she's really jealous when she comes to our house and sees that we have a new couch or we painted the living room or something.

Wow, I'm sorry PP. Your mom let herself get really screwed. She did actual out of the home work that had a fair market value for a salary. Still, it's not fair that she's jealous of you. I hope your mom finds a way to get whatever it is that she wants out of life.

I can relate. My mom was a pretty little idiot who married my domineering father. She resented being relegated to her domestic role and wasn't even good at it. My dad died a while back and my mom wasted another couple decades being miserable and resentful, but now she resents having to make the decisions. I convinced her to move to a retirement community recently and it's like a light switched on. She's having the time of her life and has never been happier (still nuts though). It's the only time she's ever taken my advice because she listens to my brother who doesn't have her best interest at heart instead of me and my sister. So she's still creating her own sexist misery, albeit on a smaller scale.

Your mothers were grown women who made bad choices for themselves. Period. There were plenty of women who SAH and/or worked back in the day who have gone on to have satisfying lives later on. If they regret how they spent their own lives then they have no one to blame but themselves.

I'm the PP you're responding to and I completely agree with you. My mom absolutely contributed to the misogynistic situation she was in, and she still contributes to it today with her own sexist views. I would add that I think societal norms have changed though, allowing more options for women today.

I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for women who try to hold power over their families with this sort of martyr/victim card. They would have been happier working? Well why didn't they work then? They wish that they weren't married to a misogynistic ahole? Well, why the hell didn't they divorce when the getting was good. Plenty of other women chose to work and/or get out of unhappy marriages. Bottom line is, they chose to do nothing about their own dissatisfaction because it was easier for them to do nothing. And now they are complaining about their own choices.

PP here. Yes, I agree. My mom definitely chose her path but plays the helpless victim. The truth is that she had other options, even back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.

This. More sweeping generalizations, but the generation of women who are now 65+ were frequently expected to manage the domestic chores, even if they worked, and they largely didn't have the same types of serious careers as their husbands. They were responsible for managing relationships with their MILs, not the sons. They largely kowtowed to their MILs and they were marginalized. They didn't have equal partnerships with their spouses and the husbands opinions carried more weight because they were bringing home the larger share of income. Now these MILs feel it's their "turn" but today's DIL's aren't having it.

Women's intellect and careers weren't valued like they are today. I see many women of this generation who never honed their critical thinking skills because they never had to. They were relegated to mundane domestic stuff so they became very petty and manipulative. Being direct wouldn't get them an equal partnership so they connive and scheme to get what they want. Then their husbands respect them even less because they're so petty. Again, not all women of this generation are like this, but a lot are. My friends and I discussed this a while back, and there's definitely a difference between the women who are now 65-85 and their daughters who are now late 30's-early 60's.

They're also frequently jealous that their DILs have careers and get an equal say as their husbands and their husbands are expected to pull a greater load with the domestic chores (although still not equal in most cases). Then the MILs take offense that the DILs don't have it as hard as they did when it comes to shouldering the entire domestic burden.

This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't stop working unless I became very rich. Many of the SAHMs today have the same issues with a lack of respect and being valued, they're expected to shoulder the entire domestic/children burden, and they don't have an equal say. I think we've come a long way and more SAHMs get this equality than they did 50 years ago, but we still have a ways to go. From anecdotal evidence, the SAHMs who tend to get more respect are those who had serious careers then gave them up to stay at home with kids. Those who didn't have these lucrative careers don't seem to garner the same respect. Maybe the husbands chose these women specifically because they were looking for a SAHM and knew there was no serious career to get in the way. But whatever the reason, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go.

Yup. My mother, who always worked as a secretary in my dad's law practice, even though she had two master's degrees, is SO JEALOUS that I get to go on business trips! She always makes these snarky, underhanded remarks about how I'm traveling and she never got to do that. And my mother never actually got paid for her work so even though she worked all the time it was always "dad's money" and "him paying for the vacation" so she never got to have any input. Still doesn't. I can definitely see how she feels jealous of the fact that my husband deferred to my preferences when we bought a vacation house with OUR MONEY, etc. Also my dad never let her redecorate our house, so she's really jealous when she comes to our house and sees that we have a new couch or we painted the living room or something.

Wow, I'm sorry PP. Your mom let herself get really screwed. She did actual out of the home work that had a fair market value for a salary. Still, it's not fair that she's jealous of you. I hope your mom finds a way to get whatever it is that she wants out of life.

I can relate. My mom was a pretty little idiot who married my domineering father. She resented being relegated to her domestic role and wasn't even good at it. My dad died a while back and my mom wasted another couple decades being miserable and resentful, but now she resents having to make the decisions. I convinced her to move to a retirement community recently and it's like a light switched on. She's having the time of her life and has never been happier (still nuts though). It's the only time she's ever taken my advice because she listens to my brother who doesn't have her best interest at heart instead of me and my sister. So she's still creating her own sexist misery, albeit on a smaller scale.

Your mothers were grown women who made bad choices for themselves. Period. There were plenty of women who SAH and/or worked back in the day who have gone on to have satisfying lives later on. If they regret how they spent their own lives then they have no one to blame but themselves.

I'm the PP you're responding to and I completely agree with you. My mom absolutely contributed to the misogynistic situation she was in, and she still contributes to it today with her own sexist views. I would add that I think societal norms have changed though, allowing more options for women today.

I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for women who try to hold power over their families with this sort of martyr/victim card. They would have been happier working? Well why didn't they work then? They wish that they weren't married to a misogynistic ahole? Well, why the hell didn't they divorce when the getting was good. Plenty of other women chose to work and/or get out of unhappy marriages. Bottom line is, they chose to do nothing about their own dissatisfaction because it was easier for them to do nothing. And now they are complaining about their own choices.

x10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women worry less about being "nice" so they are more direct and no BS than younger women. Kind of like men. But people hate women for it.

BS, the women just want to get their way and will beat any subject to death. I just roll my eyes or turn the TV louder. But I'm the grouchy old man

Well you sound like a hoot.

I used to be before cancer

I’m so sorry. Cancer took my mom. It’s sucks. I pray you beat it!