Why are older women so strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most (not all) of the relative vents are about older women being manipulative, demanding and not respecting boundaries. I see the same thing in my extended family. My MIL and aunt behave the same way. Was this generation trained in these skills? It just seems like an exhausting way to live but also seems so common.

Why do they care how other people live their lives? Why do they obsess about getting their way?

Please note that those with wonderful mothers, aunts, etc. generally don't post.

I think that is very true. No family member is going to be completely perfect all of the time. But when you generally have a good relationship you don't tend to start threads about it. There's just no reason to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Huh. So she's, like, being weird and manipulative and boundary-invading by NOT being weird and manipulative and boundary-invading?

The entire premise of this thread is just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

No, I believe it was visions. LOL. If you don't know how to drop a tangential issue, I don't expect you are too happy in your younger years, certainly won't be in your older years, which is exactly what OP is talking about. Well done proving her point.

I’m not sure someone who thinks that it is entertaining to hear a story about kids being mean to older people will end up with a very happy old age, either. What goes around comes around.

I hope someone in your children’s lives is teaching them kindness, because it doesn’t sound like they’re learning it from the example you are setting for them.

[Anonymous]

The question is, why are older men such sexist prejudiced a holes? Critical of women who might gain two lbs, while they carry 80 extra, critical of younger women that aren't perfect housekeepers and put together wives, who are not prefect hostesses, and critical of them working full or part time, as that takes away the time from.... taking care of kids and their sons! Where is that discussion? Why are women so nasty to other women, you will be that MIL of mom pretty soon, just look at this thread of you ranting on people who are gossips and trying to have their way? Don't you think it bothers you because you are just like them? Wanting to have your way and always unhappy when you don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

After a certain age didn't the kids help to clean the house, cook dinner, mow the lawn, run errands, etc while the parent was raising them? Maybe they got 3 bucks for picking up the dog poop in the yard or 5 bucks to organize the garage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

No, I believe it was visions. LOL. If you don't know how to drop a tangential issue, I don't expect you are too happy in your younger years, certainly won't be in your older years, which is exactly what OP is talking about. Well done proving her point.

I’m not sure someone who thinks that it is entertaining to hear a story about kids being mean to older people will end up with a very happy old age, either. What goes around comes around.

I hope someone in your children’s lives is teaching them kindness, because it doesn’t sound like they’re learning it from the example you are setting for them.

Wow, not only are you omniscient, and parts of the story that happened elsewhere, that even I don't know - but you also know my children. You are amazing. No, you are perfect. Don't change a thing. LOL.

[Anonymous]

I think some older women who had issues when they were younger, their issues get worse as they age, OP. Women who get fixated on something, or women who tend to snap more easily than others for example. ^^^

[Anonymous]

Hormones. Once the estrogen starts to drop, the brain literally gets scrambled. It is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

There were no widows and no young parents. The kids know who they were dealing with.

You think it's cute for a kid to run up to a neighbor's door, ring it and run away? Seriously? I hope you don't have kids.

I have no idea of the circumstances. Nor did I say anything was funny. But if you don't like kids, and you have a bunch fo grown kids and they don't come to see you, well that is telling. But yes, call the cops for no reason and tell me how the cops react to you.

Were these kids targeting one particular woman to annoy? And you found that the “best/most entertaining”?

If kids are repeatedly ringing her doorbell and running away, someone needs to stop them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, not stand around and enjoy the “entertainment.”

How do you know it was "repeatedly"? Were you there? PP here, and you are starting to sound sicko. I am telling you, I was not there, so I have no idea. Let it go. You are the type of women that this post is about.

Let. It. Go.

Not your neighborhood, not your kids (?), not your neighbors but hearing about kids "ding dong ditching" in another neighborhood was the best/most entertaining thing....how odd.

OMG af rein shared a story from her neighborhood. If you had friends, you would know that friends share stories sometimes. Its okay, its not all about you.

Why did you tell a story about kids being rude to older women in this particular thread? You called it entertaining and appear to think that they deserve this treatment because they don't have many visions.

Is your point that it is okay to be rude to older people who may be unhappy because they somehow deserve to be treated this way? Why exactly is this okay, and even entertaining?

...don't have many *visitors*- not visions

No, I believe it was visions. LOL. If you don't know how to drop a tangential issue, I don't expect you are too happy in your younger years, certainly won't be in your older years, which is exactly what OP is talking about. Well done proving her point.

Another poster here. I thought it was a weird story, too. I don't think I've ever heard an adult laugh about children willfully pestering the older women in their neighborhoods.

Very weird to find it entertaining to hear about kids being rude to an adult. And PP never did explain how the point of that story in this thread. Is the point that, since older women are strange, it is entertaining to hear about someone being rude them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

After a certain age didn't the kids help to clean the house, cook dinner, mow the lawn, run errands, etc while the parent was raising them? Maybe they got 3 bucks for picking up the dog poop in the yard or 5 bucks to organize the garage?

Do you really think a few chores around the house are the equivalent of taking care of a child’s physical and emotional needs for many years? Thankfully, most parents are not adding up and expecting their kids to do enough chores around the house to reimburse their parents for all the time and money being spent on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

After a certain age didn't the kids help to clean the house, cook dinner, mow the lawn, run errands, etc while the parent was raising them? Maybe they got 3 bucks for picking up the dog poop in the yard or 5 bucks to organize the garage?

Do you really think a few chores around the house are the equivalent of taking care of a child’s physical and emotional needs for many years? Thankfully, most parents are not adding up and expecting their kids to do enough chores around the house to reimburse their parents for all the time and money being spent on them.

Do you not think that parents are actually responsible for raising their own children? They chose to have kids because they wanted to have children. That does not entitle them to cheap or free labor for the rest of their lives. If they want their adult children to be there for them decades after their kids left the nest, then they really do need to make it a point to be in their adult children's lives. Reciprocal relationships flourish. One sided situations dry up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

After a certain age didn't the kids help to clean the house, cook dinner, mow the lawn, run errands, etc while the parent was raising them? Maybe they got 3 bucks for picking up the dog poop in the yard or 5 bucks to organize the garage?

Do you really think a few chores around the house are the equivalent of taking care of a child’s physical and emotional needs for many years? Thankfully, most parents are not adding up and expecting their kids to do enough chores around the house to reimburse their parents for all the time and money being spent on them.

Do you not think that parents are actually responsible for raising their own children? They chose to have kids because they wanted to have children. That does not entitle them to cheap or free labor for the rest of their lives. If they want their adult children to be there for them decades after their kids left the nest, then they really do need to make it a point to be in their adult children's lives. Reciprocal relationships flourish. One sided situations dry up.

The person looking for free labor is the person who wants the grandparents to help take care of the grandchildren and then threatened that if the grandparents are too busy to help now, then their adult children will be too busy to help them when they are old. It is the adult child who is looking for free help with her children at this point, with no indication that the grandparents are asking for free labor from their kids at this time.

It is the adult child who is saying that the parents will only get help, when they are old if they help with the grandchildren now. Completely forgetting that those same parents put in tons of parenting time already to help get those adult children where they are today. You need to look at the big picture and remember that life is long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby Boomers didn't move for jobs as much as gen x and millennials. This even though we moved far away they still expect to see us on every holiday. They want the same kinds of togetherness their families forced on them before except we all live far away.

I like my MIL but she's totally hands off and doesn't care about our family. Just wants us to visit her, never visits us or helps us. I think she's forgotten how hard babies and toddlers are and she never traveled with her so.

Maybe she remembers and is too tired to want to do you and your husband's jobs...ie raise your own kids! No one should expect or demand help. That doesn't mean "she doesn't care about your family" Doesn't she get a chance to enjoy life ?

Absolutely! And I'm sure she'll understand when her kids are too busy to help her, right?

Wait, did she or did she not take care of your spouse and any siblings when they were children? For roughly eighteen years apiece? Does that not deserve any kind of appreciation in her old age, or does she also have to take care of your children to “earn” some help when she’s older?

She needs to raise her own kids and then give lots of help in raising her grandchildren so that people won’t be too busy to help her when she gets old, is that right?

After a certain age didn't the kids help to clean the house, cook dinner, mow the lawn, run errands, etc while the parent was raising them? Maybe they got 3 bucks for picking up the dog poop in the yard or 5 bucks to organize the garage?

Do you really think a few chores around the house are the equivalent of taking care of a child’s physical and emotional needs for many years? Thankfully, most parents are not adding up and expecting their kids to do enough chores around the house to reimburse their parents for all the time and money being spent on them.

Do you not think that parents are actually responsible for raising their own children? They chose to have kids because they wanted to have children. That does not entitle them to cheap or free labor for the rest of their lives. If they want their adult children to be there for them decades after their kids left the nest, then they really do need to make it a point to be in their adult children's lives. Reciprocal relationships flourish. One sided situations dry up.

So, they were responsible for raising their own children, but you shouldn’t have to be responsible for raising yours because they should be helping. And if they don’t help you, you’ll show them and be too busy to help them when they are elderly and possibly ill. Got it.

(Did you not also choose to have your children because you wanted children? How is your choice to have children different from their choice to have children were young?)

[Anonymous]

I think the entitled young moms on this forum will make terrible old women.