Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

His parents should have taught him not to comment on what has been prepared. That is rude.

Other than that I think OP is ready for a battle. I don't see it being a good two weeks.

Have some things he can prepare for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

+100! It's no wonder that so many children grow up entitled these days. The kid is 12, not 2. He can keep his mouth shut about not liking what is cooked for him. Remind him that so many other children suffer from food insecurity in the US and around the world. He should be grateful that he gets to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

+100! It's no wonder that so many children grow up entitled these days. The kid is 12, not 2. He can keep his mouth shut about not liking what is cooked for him. Remind him that so many other children suffer from food insecurity in the US and around the world. He should be grateful that he gets to eat.

Wow, just wow. So, the child should starve for 2 weeks because selfish grandpa's wife refuses to cook anything reasonable that he may eat. She should not have invited them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

But you aren’t 12.

12 isn’t an adult. Or close to an adult.

And grandparents are not people you should have to tiptoe around being very careful not to I,pose on when you are 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all crazy! OP never said she was going to starve the kid! She was going to prepare food but she doesn't want to deal with him refusing food that she's taken the trouble to serve. Does that make her a bad person? The kid does sound high-maintenance so I sympathize with OP. I think her husband needs to handle the cooking. People mentioned heating up pizzas but c'mon, the kid can't just eat unhealthy American food for two weeks!

OP knows the child doesn't like vegetables and is planning to not adjust her cooking in anyway. Why not just put vegetables on the side? The problem is it's her step grandson and she doesn't want to do anything to accommodate him.

But why should she accommodate him? He doesnt have allergies. If he were Muslim and could only eat halal food, maybe she could just stick to vegetarian meals. But he is inconveniencing the host by only wanting what he wants. That's not good for the kid to think that the world revolves around his tastes.

Oh for goodness sake. There is nothing magical about being Muslim and eating halal or being Jewish and keeping kosher or being a vegan. These aren't like allergies or sensitivities. They are **preferences.** And if you are willing to make those accommodations for guests, you should also be willing to accommodate someone who doesn't like sauce on their spaghetti.

I think it's a real PITA to plan meals when my vegan brother and niece come to visit. But i do it with a smile because i love them and want them to be comfortable in my home and enjoy visiting so they will want to come again. I might cook meat to satisfy other diners at the table but I always make make sure it is accompanied by other dishes that provide a complete meal for vegans. Is this that difficult to understand?

+1. My SIL decided at 35 she has celiac disease and must be GF. Has never been tested or gotten a medical diagnosis. Dr. Internet helped her. And she is super strict and nutty about it. We can’t cook gluten in the kitchen when she is there because cross-contamination. It is a PITA to put together a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal with no gluten. Pumpkin pie, GF crust, etc.

But you know what? She is very close to my husband, is unmarried with no kids, and is incredibly close to and beloved by my kids, is their guardian in our will, and once I get past the GF thing (which I personally think is strange), I love her too. In fact, I do girls weeks travels with her, and not my own sister. I want her to always feel welcome in our home. For my husbands sake. For my kids sake. And for my own sake. So I STFU and eat gluten free croissants and gluten free pie crusts and don’t ask why she won’t just get a blood test done.

It’s what you do for family. Maybe not for “houseguests”. But always for family. OP’s problem is that she doesn’t view a STEP-grandkid as family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Said no one ever: “Let’s go out for German food!”

+100 We lived in Germany for four years. Worst food I've ever had anywhere. And we have lived all over the world. It's not just German food. Germans are notoriously bad cooks no matter what they cook.

Brings up such fond memories of my terrible cook German grandma. Her solution for all cooking fails, especially meat related: it just needs some sauce!

[Anonymous]

If you ever want to be seen as gma & gpa instead of STEP- then you need to up your game. You gotta out fun the bio grandparents! Make it rain pizza rolls! Hot dogs for breakfast! FroYo before dinner! Slip him a $50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

+100! It's no wonder that so many children grow up entitled these days. The kid is 12, not 2. He can keep his mouth shut about not liking what is cooked for him. Remind him that so many other children suffer from food insecurity in the US and around the world. He should be grateful that he gets to eat.

Wow, just wow. So, the child should starve for 2 weeks because selfish grandpa's wife refuses to cook anything reasonable that he may eat. She should not have invited them.

What is "reasonable" food? The kid isn't being starved. He isn't being offered food that he's medically incapable of eating. He isn't being offered foods that goes against his religious/ethical beliefs. He is being offered food that he can eat. Just not exclusively his tiny list of preferred foods everyday for 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

+100! It's no wonder that so many children grow up entitled these days. The kid is 12, not 2. He can keep his mouth shut about not liking what is cooked for him. Remind him that so many other children suffer from food insecurity in the US and around the world. He should be grateful that he gets to eat.

Wow, just wow. So, the child should starve for 2 weeks because selfish grandpa's wife refuses to cook anything reasonable that he may eat. She should not have invited them.

What is "reasonable" food? The kid isn't being starved. He isn't being offered food that he's medically incapable of eating. He isn't being offered foods that goes against his religious/ethical beliefs. He is being offered food that he can eat. Just not exclusively his tiny list of preferred foods everyday for 2 weeks.

+1 It's incredible that some people here are so outrageous that they seriously think it's "unreasonable" to give a 12 year old meals with vegetables and expect him to eat them, and that the "reasonable" thing is to just let him eat bagels and frozen pizza for 2 weeks.

I guess I shouldn't wonder why so many kids have issues these days, when their parents aren't even doing the bare basics of parenting and giving them proper food. Guess it's too much work.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible that Grandma is exaggerating and “no” vegetables means no vegetables out of his comfort zone, or vegetables of her preference. Grandma may be preparing brussel sprouts when Grandson has never had them, or like me as a kid absolutely detested them. I read Grandma’s post as gearing up for war and wanting to pick a fight.

“He’ll only eat American food”. Okay, that’s completely normal for a lot of American kids. I traveled through Germany in my early 20s and lost weight because I didn’t care for German fare. Maybe it’s not vegetables but just her cooking he doesn’t care for.

That said, Grandson shouldn’t complain about what he’s served or whine. That’s where he’s wrong, not in his food choices.

[Anonymous]

My grandma was an amazing cook and I loved vegetables. Sometimes when I’d visit she would give me ice cream for breakfast. Because I was at Grandmas. My parents make chocolate chip pancakes, milkshake and Mac and cheese frequently. My kids also eat vegetables and real food but love these when they visit. Let go, step-grandma. Be fun for two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid probably knows what is coming and begging not to go.

[Anonymous]

^I’m in my 40s and she died about 30 years ago but I remember giggling over ice cream and especially ice cream sodas. I also remember her delicious zucchini and Brussel sprouts. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

Neither are examples of picky eating. It's just normal preferences. Paul may not like fish but maybe he likes other seafood. And there's probably other proteins that he'll eat. There are probably multiple preparations of different proteins that he'll eat. Mary doesn't eat carbs, that's okay. But that shouldn't prevent other people from eating carbs. She should just refrain from eating the carbs that are being served to the other dinner guests.

Picky eaters have an extremely limited list of foods that have be prepared in specific ways. They will only eat that and nothing else.

You really don't need to lecture me about picky eaters. My father, brother and cousin are all very picky. Yes, it can make hosting a bit of a challenge. For large-scale events, like holidays, I make what most people like and know that they can fend for themselves. But when they are overnight guests in my home, yes I do factor in their preferences and pickiness, because I want them to be comfortable and have a great time. Again, I don't see my role as hostess as needing to correct their quirks or shame them into eating. They are my guests--I make reasonable accommodations for them.

Would it really be that hard for OP to do a store-bought rotisserie chicken, a vegetable side and a starch, and keep those items separate? Would it really be so incredibly taxing to get a pizza--a decent one from, say, Wegmans, doesn't have to be frozen--and heat it up along with a green salad and maybe some fruit? For a 12-year-old?

Isn't the point for the kid to have a good time with grandpa? This isn't rehab, right? It's not scare 'em straight sleepaway camp.

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.

+100! It's no wonder that so many children grow up entitled these days. The kid is 12, not 2. He can keep his mouth shut about not liking what is cooked for him. Remind him that so many other children suffer from food insecurity in the US and around the world. He should be grateful that he gets to eat.

Ok, if this is how step grandma feels, how about making it clear to the parents that these are the rules for the visit? It's not one meal, it's three meals per day for two weeks. It's fine for her to feel that way, but if there's nothing wrong with her (and your position), why not just be honest with the parents about the ground rules?

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is just a difference in perspective. If I'm a guest in someone else's home, I don't want to impose on them. I don't expect them to go out of their way and change their dinner routine for me. If someone is kind enough to host me and cook a meal for me, I'm going to eat that meal and be grateful even if the food is not my favorite. For example, one of my big food pet peeves is overcooked dried meat. My dad, otoh, is paranoid about under cooked meat and likes everything super well-done. So whenever I eat any sort meat at my parents' home, it's extra dead. And so, I may stick to the sides and eat a little meat to be polite but I'm not going to tell my dad how to cook in his own house. Part of becoming an adult is learning that different people do things differently. So when you're at their house, you respect how they do things . No one is entitled to have the world cater to them.


I think it is absolutely crazy that you can't ask your dad to cook your meat medium or medium rare. What kind of relationship do you have that cooking your meat a little less is an inconvenience? Fortunately, I have open lines of communication with my parents and I can discuss normal things with them like food preference!