wife keeps her name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

Look, if that's what bothers you, why not take her name and give the kids her name?

I kept my own name but I don't have issues with other people changing theirs if that's what they want to do. I can see why you'd want one name for your family. But it is within your means to fix that. Change your name. If you think it shouldn't bother her to change hers, why should it bother you to change yours? Good luck with this - sounds like a nagging problem for you.

This was either a dumb response or a troll.

I'm the only "Smith" whose wife didn't take his last name and your idea is to feel better about that by being the only "Smith" to give up his name completely? Funny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

Look, if that's what bothers you, why not take her name and give the kids her name?

I kept my own name but I don't have issues with other people changing theirs if that's what they want to do. I can see why you'd want one name for your family. But it is within your means to fix that. Change your name. If you think it shouldn't bother her to change hers, why should it bother you to change yours? Good luck with this - sounds like a nagging problem for you.

This was either a dumb response or a troll.

I'm the only "Smith" whose wife didn't take his last name and your idea is to feel better about that by being the only "Smith" to give up his name completely? Funny

You said that most of your friends have one family name. Are they all named "Smith"? Okay, what you're saying is that you want your family to have the same last name as your extended family. Then don't mention your friends in the same sentence. I'm not the one being dumb here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This. There have been a couple of threads over the last couple of years that indicate most women don't take their husband's last name anymore, at least in the DC area. Other people get divorced and the DW doesn't change her last name back for whatever reason. There have been threads on that here, too. Like the one where they got divorced and he got remarried, his new wife took his last name, and the ex-wife kept his last name.

It's funny. I participate in an activity where there is a guy who has been a long-time member. His first, second and third (current) wives are all a part of the same activity. They all kept his name. The first year or two after each divorce were a little messy, but at this point, all three are actually comfortable friends. First and third wives are particularly good friends (they were friends for many years before he finally married wife #3). And it hasn't happened often, but I can think of at least 2 occasions where the three wives were on a team together and they just called the whole team "Team Smith" for the event.

[Anonymous]

I was talking about male friends whose wives took their names

I can't imagine a scenario where I would end up friends with a man who was capable of taking his wife's name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This was either a dumb response or a troll.

I'm the only "Smith" whose wife didn't take his last name and your idea is to feel better about that by being the only "Smith" to give up his name completely? Funny

You said that most of your friends have one family name. Are they all named "Smith"? Okay, what you're saying is that you want your family to have the same last name as your extended family. Then don't mention your friends in the same sentence. I'm not the one being dumb here.

The fact that a large majority of my friends' wives took their names backs up my point that I'm in a tiny minority of men whose wives didn't take their names. If we use the 8% number, then there are 11.5 men whose wives took their last names for every 1 that didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This. There have been a couple of threads over the last couple of years that indicate most women don't take their husband's last name anymore, at least in the DC area. Other people get divorced and the DW doesn't change her last name back for whatever reason. There have been threads on that here, too. Like the one where they got divorced and he got remarried, his new wife took his last name, and the ex-wife kept his last name.

It's funny. I participate in an activity where there is a guy who has been a long-time member. His first, second and third (current) wives are all a part of the same activity. They all kept his name. The first year or two after each divorce were a little messy, but at this point, all three are actually comfortable friends. First and third wives are particularly good friends (they were friends for many years before he finally married wife #3). And it hasn't happened often, but I can think of at least 2 occasions where the three wives were on a team together and they just called the whole team "Team Smith" for the event.

Is the guy gay? Because otherwise, this is just weird. I mean, no one has to be bitter enemies, but the idea that three unrelated women are just hanging out together with their ex-husband is weird. If he's gay, and they each just kind of did their time for a payout, then I guess I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about male friends whose wives took their names

I can't imagine a scenario where I would end up friends with a man who was capable of taking his wife's name

Dude, you have some serious insecurity problems. I have plenty of friends whose wives did not take their last name. We don't care. We're all friends and we're all happy for our guy friends. I know three friends who took their wives' names. Also not a problem. Why you hang so much of your masculinity on something so inconsequential is just boggling to me. I feel my masculinity by having had children, having a family that I love and obviously loves me and that I care for the way a man takes care of his family. I'm a provider, caretaker, protector. But, I am not a monarch, owner or dictator.

If you feel threatened, even in your subconscious by your wife keeping her surname, then you have a problem that is yours and no one else's problem. If you are that insecure then even if she changed her name, you would still find something else to obsess over. This is psychological problem of yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about male friends whose wives took their names

I can't imagine a scenario where I would end up friends with a man who was capable of taking his wife's name

Dude, you have some serious insecurity problems. I have plenty of friends whose wives did not take their last name. We don't care. We're all friends and we're all happy for our guy friends. I know three friends who took their wives' names. Also not a problem. Why you hang so much of your masculinity on something so inconsequential is just boggling to me. I feel my masculinity by having had children, having a family that I love and obviously loves me and that I care for the way a man takes care of his family. I'm a provider, caretaker, protector. But, I am not a monarch, owner or dictator.

If you feel threatened, even in your subconscious by your wife keeping her surname, then you have a problem that is yours and no one else's problem. If you are that insecure then even if she changed her name, you would still find something else to obsess over. This is psychological problem of yours.

Great write-up PP. Hope this earns you an A+ in your pretend-to-be-a-man online project for your women's studies degree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This. There have been a couple of threads over the last couple of years that indicate most women don't take their husband's last name anymore, at least in the DC area. Other people get divorced and the DW doesn't change her last name back for whatever reason. There have been threads on that here, too. Like the one where they got divorced and he got remarried, his new wife took his last name, and the ex-wife kept his last name.

It's funny. I participate in an activity where there is a guy who has been a long-time member. His first, second and third (current) wives are all a part of the same activity. They all kept his name. The first year or two after each divorce were a little messy, but at this point, all three are actually comfortable friends. First and third wives are particularly good friends (they were friends for many years before he finally married wife #3). And it hasn't happened often, but I can think of at least 2 occasions where the three wives were on a team together and they just called the whole team "Team Smith" for the event.

Is the guy gay? Because otherwise, this is just weird. I mean, no one has to be bitter enemies, but the idea that three unrelated women are just hanging out together with their ex-husband is weird. If he's gay, and they each just kind of did their time for a payout, then I guess I get it.

Not even close. He's a womanizer. He married wife #1. Divorced her and had a long-time live-in GF (almost 10 years). He cheated on her with woman who became wife #2. He then cheated on wife #2 with wife #3. Wife #2 is the only one who might feel bitter, but he married her for her money and she made sure he got very little out of the divorce. She was bitter until she found a new guy who she is happy with. After she was happy again, she became friendlier with the others. Not great friends, but comfortable.

This activity has a long history of intermarriage and people still being friends after divorce. There was one classic where a couple divorced, and each remarried and later the two couples became good friends. The son once came up to register a team of "Mom & Dad and Mom & Dad" and everyone know who the team was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This was either a dumb response or a troll.

I'm the only "Smith" whose wife didn't take his last name and your idea is to feel better about that by being the only "Smith" to give up his name completely? Funny

You said that most of your friends have one family name. Are they all named "Smith"? Okay, what you're saying is that you want your family to have the same last name as your extended family. Then don't mention your friends in the same sentence. I'm not the one being dumb here.

The fact that a large majority of my friends' wives took their names backs up my point that I'm in a tiny minority of men whose wives didn't take their names. If we use the 8% number, then there are 11.5 men whose wives took their last names for every 1 that didn't.

Not arguing with your stats. Arguing with the lack of clarity in your statement. You said you want to have a family with one family name and said that your friends and your extended family have that situation so that's why I suggested changing your name to your wife's. But now I realize that you don't really care about having one family name. You care more about your family having *your* name. And that's okay but don't get pissy at me because you were unclear and I took you to mean what you said - as opposed to what was in your head.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. It sucks for you. But you sure are feeling really sorry for yourself right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about male friends whose wives took their names

I can't imagine a scenario where I would end up friends with a man who was capable of taking his wife's name

Dude, you have some serious insecurity problems. I have plenty of friends whose wives did not take their last name. We don't care. We're all friends and we're all happy for our guy friends. I know three friends who took their wives' names. Also not a problem. Why you hang so much of your masculinity on something so inconsequential is just boggling to me. I feel my masculinity by having had children, having a family that I love and obviously loves me and that I care for the way a man takes care of his family. I'm a provider, caretaker, protector. But, I am not a monarch, owner or dictator.

If you feel threatened, even in your subconscious by your wife keeping her surname, then you have a problem that is yours and no one else's problem. If you are that insecure then even if she changed her name, you would still find something else to obsess over. This is psychological problem of yours.

Great write-up PP. Hope this earns you an A+ in your pretend-to-be-a-man online project for your women's studies degree

Just give it up, you insecure boy. I'm a happy father of two in a secure marriage of 16 years. I not the weepy-woman who is crying over my insecurity in being a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about male friends whose wives took their names

I can't imagine a scenario where I would end up friends with a man who was capable of taking his wife's name

Dude, you have some serious insecurity problems. I have plenty of friends whose wives did not take their last name. We don't care. We're all friends and we're all happy for our guy friends. I know three friends who took their wives' names. Also not a problem. Why you hang so much of your masculinity on something so inconsequential is just boggling to me. I feel my masculinity by having had children, having a family that I love and obviously loves me and that I care for the way a man takes care of his family. I'm a provider, caretaker, protector. But, I am not a monarch, owner or dictator.

If you feel threatened, even in your subconscious by your wife keeping her surname, then you have a problem that is yours and no one else's problem. If you are that insecure then even if she changed her name, you would still find something else to obsess over. This is psychological problem of yours.

Great write-up PP. Hope this earns you an A+ in your pretend-to-be-a-man online project for your women's studies degree

+1, but I don't think it will get an A+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Great write-up PP. Hope this earns you an A+ in your pretend-to-be-a-man online project for your women's studies degree

Just give it up, you insecure boy. I'm a happy father of two in a secure marriage of 16 years. I not the weepy-woman who is crying over my insecurity in being a man.

Insecure boy? Did you skip the lecture on how to at least pretend to insult like a man online when you were getting ready for this project?

I agree with the PP - this isn't A+ work!

[Anonymous]

In my cohort of friends and family, all highly educated including numerous Ivy graduates, most of the women have taken their husband's name. Some have kept theirs but I'd estimate the split at 80-20%. We are scattered across the country but mainly on the coasts and in liberal cities. I would have thought the breakdown to be more even and I have been surprised by who decided to take the husband's name as well as who didn't. I don't pass comment. I don't think anyone really cares. If it makes a difference we all graduated from college in the 1990s-2010.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Great write-up PP. Hope this earns you an A+ in your pretend-to-be-a-man online project for your women's studies degree

Just give it up, you insecure boy. I'm a happy father of two in a secure marriage of 16 years. I not the weepy-woman who is crying over my insecurity in being a man.

Insecure boy? Did you skip the lecture on how to at least pretend to insult like a man online when you were getting ready for this project?

I agree with the PP - this isn't A+ work!

Guys, guys, dial it back a little.