wife keeps her name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wants the woman to keep their name including the children

Yeah, I agree. It's just for the woman, no one else. In cases like this, the parents and in-laws usually are unhappy about it too. Basically no one likes it except the woman and the people whose political/cultural agenda benefits from these decisions.

That's reason enough.

So being selfish, yeah we get it.

Why isn't this ever seen as the man being selfish? My DH didn't even CONSIDER changing his name to mine, and considered for a milisecond the idea that we could choose a new name for our family. What's more selfish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are women expected to do it a show of commitment to the marriage and family, and love for their husbands? I don't know. Why are men expected to buy a ridiculously expensive engagement ring? I guess some traditions are just worth keeping, am I right, ladies?

No. My ring wasn’t more than our rent which was fine by me as I picked it out.

I didn't want an engagement ring. DH was cool with that.

I love how 3 of the 12 women in America who don't care about their engagement ring all felt the need to speak up that they weren't the ones wanting a big ring, their DHs were. Believe me, you are the outliers. The vast, vast majority of women would consider no ring to be a deal breaker.

You're going to spend the rest of your lives winning every single argument and getting what you want, give your man this one win.

Link to a statistic to back up that fact? I won't be holding my breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I did talk it over, I was empathetic and she did keep her name.

Please don't compare your husband saying after the fact that he would have considered changing his name .. of course he would not have told you that he wouldn't .. at that point he already was happy with the situation and wasn't going to get in a fight for no reason with you... Do I really have to explain this?

What you are reading in my posts is what I'm free to say when I can express my true feelings without any consequences

Any husband whose wife changed her name is grateful for it

You're assuming he doesn't respect me enough to tell me his honest opinion. I assume the opposite. Just because this is true for you, doesn't mean it is true for every man. Most women here are saying they're fine with whatever a woman decides. Why is it so difficult for you to be fine with whatever another man decides he is fine with? Why do you need to believe these guys are just lying to us or hiding their bitter resentment?

You've identified this guy's number one problem. He can imagine that other men might have a different take on these issues than he does. We can give him credit for a certain myopic tenacity, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I did talk it over, I was empathetic and she did keep her name.

Please don't compare your husband saying after the fact that he would have considered changing his name .. of course he would not have told you that he wouldn't .. at that point he already was happy with the situation and wasn't going to get in a fight for no reason with you... Do I really have to explain this?

What you are reading in my posts is what I'm free to say when I can express my true feelings without any consequences

Any husband whose wife changed her name is grateful for it

You're assuming he doesn't respect me enough to tell me his honest opinion. I assume the opposite. Just because this is true for you, doesn't mean it is true for every man. Most women here are saying they're fine with whatever a woman decides. Why is it so difficult for you to be fine with whatever another man decides he is fine with? Why do you need to believe these guys are just lying to us or hiding their bitter resentment?

You've identified this guy's number one problem. He can imagine that other men might have a different take on these issues than he does. We can give him credit for a certain myopic tenacity, though.

^can't

[Anonymous]

[I really don't understand why so many people have strong opinions about people's personal choices. Change your name, don't your name, get an engagement ring, don't get an engagement ring...if it works for you and your partner that's the important thing. I have no tolerance for people who tell others how to live.

I kept my name and was lectured by one of my husband's friends who disagreed with the concept, felt that I was making a mistake and didn't understand why my husband didn't care either way. He and his wife are divorced now (she left him). Maybe he should have spent more time on his marriage rather than sharing unsolicted opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[I really don't understand why so many people have strong opinions about people's personal choices. Change your name, don't your name, get an engagement ring, don't get an engagement ring...if it works for you and your partner that's the important thing. I have no tolerance for people who tell others how to live.

I kept my name and was lectured by one of my husband's friends who disagreed with the concept, felt that I was making a mistake and didn't understand why my husband didn't care either way. He and his wife are divorced now (she left him). Maybe he should have spent more time on his marriage rather than sharing unsolicted opinions.

To paraphrase Amy Poehler, that guy was right, you’re going to hell. But mostly for tax stuff.

[Anonymous]

I am a still waiting to hear why it is belittling to not change your name (if you are a woman) . The only explanation I’ve heard is because everyone else does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a still waiting to hear why it is belittling to not change your name (if you are a woman) . The only explanation I’ve heard is because everyone else does it.

You are right -- that is a big reason. If the long standing cultural norm were that both husband and wife kept their names, I would not be on here talking about how it upsets men when their wives keep their name.

The fact that pretty much everyone else does it and you do not means 90+% of men (nation wide, not in your DC area social circles) have been given the honor, recognition, respect, gesture of love, etc that your husband did not get. In cases where you get the traditional benefits of marriage like an expensive engagement ring, contributing less than 50% of the family income, and so on, it's even more hypocritical.

You won, your husband lost, and now your husband will be reminded of this fact every day for the rest of his life. That's what it means to keep your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a still waiting to hear why it is belittling to not change your name (if you are a woman) . The only explanation I’ve heard is because everyone else does it.

You are right -- that is a big reason. If the long standing cultural norm were that both husband and wife kept their names, I would not be on here talking about how it upsets men when their wives keep their name.

The fact that pretty much everyone else does it and you do not means 90+% of men (nation wide, not in your DC area social circles) have been given the honor, recognition, respect, gesture of love, etc that your husband did not get. In cases where you get the traditional benefits of marriage like an expensive engagement ring, contributing less than 50% of the family income, and so on, it's even more hypocritical.

You won, your husband lost, and now your husband will be reminded of this fact every day for the rest of his life. That's what it means to keep your name.

I just read this post to my husband of 30 years since i am one of those women who kept her maiden name.

His response? He laughed and said "what a cretin."

Not every guy is as lame and insecure as you, pal.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, maybe you are right. I'll see how I feel in a few more years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won, your husband lost, and now your husband will be reminded of this fact every day for the rest of his life. That's what it means to keep your name.

I’m so glad that my marriage isn’t a competition with winners and losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[I really don't understand why so many people have strong opinions about people's personal choices. Change your name, don't your name, get an engagement ring, don't get an engagement ring...if it works for you and your partner that's the important thing. I have no tolerance for people who tell others how to live.

I kept my name and was lectured by one of my husband's friends who disagreed with the concept, felt that I was making a mistake and didn't understand why my husband didn't care either way. He and his wife are divorced now (she left him). Maybe he should have spent more time on his marriage rather than sharing unsolicted opinions.

Your intolerance of my opinion is offensive. Please stop telling me how to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a still waiting to hear why it is belittling to not change your name (if you are a woman) . The only explanation I’ve heard is because everyone else does it.

You are right -- that is a big reason. If the long standing cultural norm were that both husband and wife kept their names, I would not be on here talking about how it upsets men when their wives keep their name.

The fact that pretty much everyone else does it and you do not means 90+% of men (nation wide, not in your DC area social circles) have been given the honor, recognition, respect, gesture of love, etc that your husband did not get. In cases where you get the traditional benefits of marriage like an expensive engagement ring, contributing less than 50% of the family income, and so on, it's even more hypocritical.

You won, your husband lost, and now your husband will be reminded of this fact every day for the rest of his life. That's what it means to keep your name.

You assign this meaning to changing your name. You.

Others assign it no such meaning.

[Anonymous]

Not true. Multiple people commented that they view these husbands as whipped or as "cucks" and that they view these women as a pain or an assumed step mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not true. Multiple people commented that they view these husbands as whipped or as "cucks" and that they view these women as a pain or an assumed step mom

Ok, you and some others.

Society at large assigns it no such meaning.